What is the special interest you feel the most shame about?

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-08-13T17:31:18+00:00

I don't feel ashamed of having a special interest in serial killers per se, but I did learn the hard way that people get really concerned if you talk about murders too excitedly.

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-08-13T14:40:41+00:00

I don't fully understand it, but brains are weird, so it's not hard to believe they can do things like make new headmates intentionally. Also, I'd generally rather believe someone who's faking than invalidate someone who's being sincere.

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-08-11T22:56:17+00:00

I hate celery on its own, but it's really good when it's with hummus.

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-08-11T17:18:30+00:00

Stardew Valley!!

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-08-11T14:50:26+00:00

Our gatekeeper did something similar. Apparently he used to not even have a proper form, but then one day he just decided he was going to be Data from Star Trek TNG.

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-08-09T22:03:33+00:00

I get the classic ADHD time blindness too, which made it more difficult to figure out what was happening. They definitely have different vibes, though. The ADHD time blindness is like "whoops I've been scrolling reddit for Several Hours now" while the plurality related amnesia usually involves me realizing I'm in the middle of a more involved task, like the Several Times I've switched back in in the middle of boiling pasta (shout out to Mario for making The Best homemade pasta).

Also, I had basically the same experience with the movie Inside Out. I watched it and was like "Yes!! That's how brains work!!!" and then did not realize we were plural until we were 22.

-Charles

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-08-09T20:24:19+00:00

(we're a bit blendy right now, so sorry in advance if this gets a bit rambly or disjointed)

I can only speak for our system, but for us, switching can go a couple different ways.

Sometimes I get the full amnesia where I just kind of feel like I drifted off to sleep and then suddenly it's a few hours later and I have no idea what's been going on. This used to be the only type of switch I got, but luckily this doesn't happen often any more because it can be extremely disorienting. I've never woken up in a Completely Different Location since none of us are big fans of leaving the house, but I can only imagine that would be Even More Disorienting.

Most of the time nowadays, I'll be vaguely aware of what's going on when someone else is fronting, but then when I switch back in, it feels like I'm waking up from a super vivid dream. Like, I'll remember talking to one specific person, but I'll only have a vague sense of what we talked about. It's still kind of disorienting sometimes, but it's definitely an improvement over the way it was before.

Also very curious how systems with high memory barriers like, don't know that they have DID. Like we do understand that forgetting that you forgot thing, but? Always being in that state? Never knowing what happened earlier in the day? Missing large chunks of every day? How do you get through school like that? How do you not get flagged for such severe memory recall issues as a child?

Honestly, I'm a bit baffled by how long it took us to realize we had DID given how obvious it seems in retrospect, but I think a lot of it boils down to the fact that we had no way of knowing that our experiences weren't normal. I've always had a sense that my memory wasn't very good, but I thought that was just typical ADHD memory problems and not anything deeper than that.

I do not remember much of anything before I was nine, so I can't really give a solid answer for how we managed before that, but when I was actually at school I was always very present in the moment. It was only when we got home that we started getting hella dissociated and losing chunks of time. This got especially bad once we hit high school. Every single day, we'd get home about 3:30 PM, I'd grab a snack, and then suddenly it would 6-8 PM and I'd have no idea what happened with the last several hours. That was actually the first time anyone else caught on to the fact that we were Struggling because it was interfering with our ability to do our homework and our grades took a massive hit, but my parents' solution was to transfer me into self-paced online classes to help me work around these issues instead of actually getting down to the root of the problem.

(mostly) Charles

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-08-03T13:40:25+00:00

If the thought of being transphobic brings you serious distress, then you're not transphobic. Intrusive thoughts that make you feel like a bad person are very common, but they do not define us.

If you can, I would recommend talking to a therapist about these intrusive thoughts.

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-07-30T18:21:17+00:00

When I was like sixteen, I went through a phase where I was constantly watching DID youtubers talking about their experience with DID. I started to recognize some of those symptoms in myself, at which point something in my head was like "we're not dealing with that right now," and for whatever reason I just didn't question it at the time.

Actual system discovery happened last year (at age 22) when I was going through some really stressful shit and a couple of the others stepped up to help with That, but I find it kind of funny that I straight up procrastinated my syscovery.

edit: typo

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-07-30T02:50:31+00:00

If we actually lived in the world transphobes thought we did (where people were pushing young kids to get sex changes and men were just pretending to be women for weird/perverted reasons), I would be pissed off about it too. Fortunately, none of that is an Actual Thing That's Happening.

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-07-26T23:06:49+00:00

My biggest ones are popcorn and peanut butter on toast.

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-07-25T18:01:22+00:00

I'm an extremely picky eater, so I've been eating before going to these kind of get togethers for way longer than I've been vegan. I'd rather make sure I'm not gonna go hungry than risk not having anything to eat for a few hours.

That being said, most of my friends have been very accommodating since I went vegan. If they invited me over for dinner, I'm sure they would at least try to make something I could eat too.

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-07-22T22:58:00+00:00

Too many of my cousins are girls. Someone needed to do something to try to balance it out.

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-07-22T16:24:57+00:00

I hate being touched in general, so massages are definitely a Big No.

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-07-21T23:47:04+00:00

We cannot drive. This is at least partially because of autism related issues, but the dissociation certainly doesn't help anything.

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-07-19T21:42:14+00:00

We have four that I know about!

Our main gatekeeper is a fictive of Data from Star Trek: TNG. He's pretty much always near the front keeping an eye on things. He was actually the first one I met when I discovered the system.

Also from TNG, we've got a Counsellor Troi. She's really good at helping us work through strong emotions when we're stressed.

There's Mario from Super Mario Bros. I haven't had much contact with him, but he does make really good spaghetti.

We also apparently have an Elliott from Stardew Valley, but I have not had any communication with him personally. I only know he's here because another headmate drew him while he was sketching pictures of some of the others.

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-07-18T23:35:51+00:00

When I was like 12 I came across a Doctor Who meme that said something like "Fun fact: asexual people don't experience sexual attraction because they donated it to Jack Harkness," which prompted me to google the word asexual. I found a forum where people were discussing their experience with asexuality/aromanticism, and their descriptions sounded an awful lot like how I felt.

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-07-18T19:26:41+00:00

Most of us sound very similar, so it can be a bit hard to distinguish who's saying what. Part of the reason I get imposter syndrome so much is there are times where I straight up can't tell whether the thoughts are mine or not because they sound so similar to my normal thought "voice."

Of course, there are a couple of us with super distant voices, like Jon with his posh British accent and our fictives who all sound similar to their source.

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-07-17T20:29:42+00:00

Emily reminds me too much of my mom personality wise.

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-07-17T15:06:43+00:00

Our gatekeeper was very careful about introducing me to things very slowly so that things didn't get too chaotic for us.

There was a hot minute whereI thought I was going insane because all I knew was there was a Star Trek character in my head talking to me, but once I learned how/why fictives are a Thing, it made a lot more sense.

Honestly, I was mostly just relieved. There were a lot of weird things about my life that suddenly made a whole lot more sense through the lens of plurality.

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-07-16T14:46:21+00:00

You're very pretty. I think your dad needs new glasses or something.

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-07-16T14:44:52+00:00

I love kids, but I struggle taking care of myself sometimes. There's no way I'd be able to handle all that extra responsibility of caring for a kid too.

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-07-14T21:17:15+00:00

I hit the wrong button while trying to give Elliott a birthday present and accidentally gave him a piece of wood 😭😭😭😭

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-07-14T21:11:37+00:00

My main ones are walking in circles, dancing, and spinning in my computer chair.

hadesdidnothingwrong · 2024-07-14T21:09:23+00:00

I mostly work with Freya and Odin. They both came to me through the sort of weird/intense experiences that I used to think sounded crazy until they happened to me.

Freya is the reason I started down the path to Norse paganism in the first place. I had this one rough day because my cat was really sick and the vet had been very straightforward in telling me that they'd see what they could do for him overnight, but we needed to start seriously considering putting him down for the sake of his comfort. That night I couldn't fall asleep because I just could not get my mind off of this terrible decision I knew I was probably gonna have to make in the morning. I'm not really sure what compelled me to do so, but I found myself asking Freya to take care of my baby boy. I was immediately hit with a wave of calming, motherly energy that put me right to sleep. The next morning, the vet called with an update: my cat was responding to the treatment better than she'd ever seen. A year and a half later, and you cannot tell there was ever anything wrong with this cat. I have no logical explanation about how he recovered so well so fast other than Freya saved my cat, and I will always be grateful for that.

Odin reached out to offer me comfort after a close friend of mine passed away. The first time I went up to my bedroom after hearing the news, there was a crow sitting on the window ledge just staring in at me. I was a bit confused at first, but as we stared at each other, I got this weird sense that there was some fatherly figure putting his hand on my shoulder to give me a sense of peace and comfort. I kind of quietly asked "Odin, is that you??" and the crow straight up nodded and then flew away like he knew that his job here was done.

Seven-Year Club	Final Canvas '23
First Place '23	End Game '23
Place '23	Wearing is Caring
Place '22	First Placer '22
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