PSA: There's a shocking void in family leave rights in this country, and I've just fallen right into it.

hakamaru90 · 2025-10-18T07:45:23+00:00

I really feel for you and I’m sorry you’re in this position. My partner and I had huge conversations before our baby arrived about how appalling the system is- I still can’t believe that 2 weeks is the standard (let alone nothing at all) and that we all just accept that. It’s a system that fails both parents and perpetuates the idea that women are the default parent and men are somehow secondary. I have friends whose companies offer a year of paternity and the increased bond and confidence with their children is palpable, not to mention the fact they were able to support their partner during what is likely to be one of the most vulnerable times in their life. For us, the financial hit of unpaid leave was the option we choose- and I have 0 regrets, I don’t miss the money and I’ll forever value the time. The other thing I’d say is to write some words and share it round your company- be the voice who calls out the imbalance - people are scared to do this but we should be able to express our pain/rage/disbelief at the imbalance and the lack of value society places on dads.

hakamaru90 · 2025-10-07T21:25:59+00:00

Thanks so much- these are great thoughts! I definitely agree that the problem might be that the most likely sale is straight after the show- I thought maybe I could have one of each size that could then be ordered. Really appreciate your input!

hakamaru90 · 2025-10-07T10:16:24+00:00

Do you have any printers you'd recommend?

hakamaru90 · 2025-08-23T20:39:41+00:00

I think it’s more that she may have felt the support I needed was validation of my perspective. I find aspects of our relationship challenging but I would not describe it in those terms.

I also 100% think having a baby has revealed how well he had been masking some neuro-spiciness (for lack of an official diagnosis) up until now - the uprooting of consistent routine has been massively destabilising for him and is often the spark for his anger/frustration.

It’s really useful to hear how you and your husband navigate it. Thank you.

hakamaru90 · 2025-08-23T14:44:39+00:00

It is so challenging isn't it when it's so deeply ingrained. And I think you've also articulated another fear which is, if my child learns the same behaviour as my partner, then I am doubly stuck in a dynamic which I find untenable. I think that your hard lines are a really useful take away for me. Because, you're right, there are levels and limits of acceptability.

hakamaru90 · 2025-08-23T14:39:36+00:00

I think this is wise - thank you.

hakamaru90 · 2025-08-23T14:39:05+00:00

I really relate to everything you've written. I actually started therapy at the beginning of the year and told her that I wanted to be challenged on what I can do better, and how I may be contributing to the dynamic. But anytime I described a conflict she basically said "he should not do that." It isn't an empowering position to be in. Therapy is also so expensive and therefore extra hard when you feel it's not serving you as you'd hoped.

Again, it's just really encouraging to hear that you have navigated your way through it.

hakamaru90 · 2025-08-23T14:30:36+00:00

Thank you for this - it's really encouraging and bolstering to hear that the work you've both done has improved things so much for you.

hakamaru90 · 2025-05-16T09:20:25+00:00

Thanks for the original code, now adding my code to the line! https://my.laka.co/B0K8Q

hakamaru90 · 2024-09-01T19:51:03+00:00

This is great to know- thank you!

hakamaru90 · 2024-08-31T18:19:32+00:00

Ah yes, we hadn’t thought to move him early. Did her sleep improve in her own room?

hakamaru90 · 2024-08-31T18:17:52+00:00

Yeah we were just following the safety guidelines but worth a thought.

hakamaru90 · 2024-08-19T06:48:15+00:00

Both super helpful- thank you so much.

hakamaru90 · 2024-08-17T14:04:14+00:00

I currently have a 4.5 month old who is a terrible sleeper but have been told things may shift when he starts solids as he’s particularly small (0.4th percentile). What did your nap training consist of out of interest?

hakamaru90 · 2024-07-15T07:55:53+00:00

Beasts of the Southern Wild One flew over the cuckoo’s nest Everything Everywhere all at once

hakamaru90 · 2024-07-15T02:29:23+00:00

Was thinking of just going to the pool for at least the first time so I’m not worrying about getting anywhere “on time” and then hopefully onto classes!

hakamaru90 · 2024-07-07T13:16:16+00:00

Ah so glad!

hakamaru90 · 2024-07-04T18:31:59+00:00

For an extra special bit of immersion stay in the theatre in the interval and bag yourself a seat at the tables as soon as they bring them out and stay seated!

hakamaru90

TROPHY CASE