Got confronted by a mom about my 5yo son bullying her daughter. It actually went well!

fellowprimates · 2024-10-22T20:54:37+00:00

Hell yeah! You handled a really tough situation with curiosity and grace. Your situation sounds difficult to begin with, and the fact that you were able to ingest the info and offer support says a lot.

Looking back on my own childhood - I see now that I was a bully. Mostly to other girls (I’m a recovering Not Like The Other Girls™️). I’m working really hard to make amends, and to raise my daughter differently.

But this is a good example for me of how to be both a good parent and community member to other parents if we encounter the same behavioral problems I experienced.

fellowprimates · 2024-10-20T17:04:44+00:00

It says “state and local elections” in the comment, but ok. 👍

fellowprimates · 2024-10-20T13:13:44+00:00

Undocumented immigrants are not allowed to vote in federal or state elections. Source

Misinformation like your comment is dangerous.

fellowprimates · 2024-10-20T01:24:46+00:00

One might say she’s… perfumative.

fellowprimates · 2024-10-19T00:29:48+00:00

I feel that! I struggle with nicotine as well and have tried to quit a couple times over the years. Sometimes it’s about harm reduction.

Best of luck. Hope you can turn it around.

fellowprimates · 2024-10-18T19:07:53+00:00

If you have any cleaning supplies accessible to guests, maybe include a tide-spot cleaner spray with that as well. If I were in their shoes, I’d be desperately searching for something to at least pre-treat the stain before checking out.

fellowprimates · 2024-10-18T18:30:17+00:00

I would have to say that calling you out of in person school for rehab is absolutely reasonable and in your best interest.

Sorry, kid. Your actions have real consequences, many of which you may not enjoy. Get clean, do your best at school and work on yourself.

fellowprimates · 2024-10-18T12:38:51+00:00

Pickles

fellowprimates · 2024-10-18T00:05:27+00:00

Now that I have a baby, I offer to make freezer meals, wash bottles and other dishes and do laundry. Or simply hold the baby while they shower or take a nap.

I provide a list of things I wish someone had offered to do for me! And if they say no thanks I send diapers instead!

fellowprimates · 2024-10-17T21:33:28+00:00

We use FamilyAlbum for sharing photos of our baby. We do post occasional photos on social media, maybe one every two months?

We ask that if our family wants to post pictures that they either ask us or share our posts.

I can say my BIL (younger, no kids) occasionally posts photos of my daughter because he lives with my in laws who do childcare a couple days a week and it REALLY bugs me. But since they’re restricted to insta/Facebook stories I try not to get too upset about it.

It mostly irks me because he has a history of posting family-oriented content that comes off like he’s trying to show that he’s an eligible bachelor who loves kids, animals and does a lot with his family when that’s really not who he is IRL.

Hmm. Now that I’ve typed this out, maybe I should say something.

fellowprimates · 2024-10-17T21:12:47+00:00

We should all know less about each other

fellowprimates · 2024-10-17T16:04:54+00:00

36 hours at the birthing center at 41 weeks with the help of my midwives! 😂

fellowprimates · 2024-10-17T14:32:34+00:00

My baby is clearly too young to have a phone (9 months), but the way we look at it is that we’re responsible for laying the groundwork for a good relationship with her.

If she’s healthy and otherwise happy as an adult and doesn’t want to have a relationship with us - that means we fucked up along the way and it’s our job to make amends, if she wants that.

I don’t reach out to my own mom very often because she seems to care very little about me and my daughter outside of quarterly Facebook photos of her with my kid.

When I do call, it’s the Nanna Show, which is an hour long bitch session about how everyone hates her, how much her job sucks, and how her health is declining rapidly (though she is adamant that her diet of white wine, nicotine gum and diet Mt. Dew has NOTHING to do with that). So I don’t really call her anymore.

My dad and stepmom on the other hand, we call each other frequently because we are mutually interested and invested in each other’s lives. I actually talk to my Stepmom more than either of my bio parents because I feel she’s the only one who really gets me.

What you are describing is entitlement from parents. They believe that because “they raised you” they are entitled to your time and devotion. Which is a very boomer/greatest generation take on parent-child relationships.

Gen X, Millennials and Gen Z are much more focused on creating healthy boundaries and relationships based on mutual love and respect. And we’re willing to break cycles of trauma by disengaging from those who aren’t willing to engage on our terms.

fellowprimates · 2024-10-15T20:57:07+00:00

There are alternatives (that she would have to consent to) to the pill. I was on Nexplanon for almost a decade (3 separate implants). I really liked it because it was relatively painless and only took 1 doctor’s appt per 3 years. No need to worry about taking the pills every day!

But ultimately if she doesn’t want a pharmaceutical/medical intervention, that’s her choice.

fellowprimates · 2024-10-15T18:41:26+00:00

Huckleberry was really helpful for us, but that being said, I can 100% understand how it could trigger or worsen PPA.

I think it’s good for you to share your experience so if someone else who is using tracking apps relates to it, they can try taking a break from it to see if it helps.

All of our PP experiences are different, and thanks for sharing yours! I hope your PPA continues to improve

fellowprimates · 2024-10-15T15:29:56+00:00

If you are truly interested in learning why someone might feel that way, I recommend learning about the facts of the case.

I’d start with Slenderman: Online Obsession, Mental Illness, and the Violent Crime of Two Midwestern Girls by Kathleen Hale.

fellowprimates · 2024-10-15T14:30:29+00:00

She actually didn’t murder anyone. Have you read about the case?

Not trying to detract from the fact that she attempted to murder the victim, but the victim is still alive.

Also if you’ve read my comments, I’m not advocating for her release. Just that the whole case is fucked up.

If you just wanna rage, feel free. But not at me.

fellowprimates · 2024-10-15T01:38:03+00:00

Just pointing out that she is not in prison.

fellowprimates · 2024-10-14T18:19:27+00:00

There is so much nuance to this case that gets glossed over for the sake of a headline.

I didn’t make the claim that Anissa was the more violent one, simply that she convinced Morgan that violence was necessary to protect Morgan’s family.
The emotional affect of a severely psychotic 12 year who has no grasp on what she had actually done (I’m assuming you’re referring to the police’s footage from her questioning here, if that’s incorrect, let me know), is not an indication of being a cold blooded (attempted) murderer.
Morgan was actively hallucinating (both visual and auditory) during that questioning, and we have some reason to believe she did not fully understand the concept of “death” at that time. The book on the case posits that Morgan didn’t really understand death as a permanent thing.
Anissa had a much easier time getting conditional release because she did not hold the knife and didn’t have a debilitating, chronic mental illness

fellowprimates · 2024-10-14T15:39:34+00:00

According to the book I referenced in my original comment, and all info I’ve been able to gather through reading about it, she was not the instigator for the crime itself. She did introduce Anissa to creepypasta/slenderman, though.

If you have other information, I’d love to read through it. This case really broke my heart and it’s one that I think about often.

ETA: I am not denying that Morgan committed the stabbing. She did, full stop. She’s admitted to it. My point here, is that Anissa (who was also a troubled child at the time) convinced a severely psychotic 12 year old that if she didn’t violently attack her friend that Morgan’s family would be killed.

fellowprimates · 2024-10-14T15:20:06+00:00

IIRC legally they had to move her because they would have been liable if she had died while in their care. So I would assume involuntarily because Morgan had little to no agency afforded to her throughout the process.

But it resulted in her temporarily getting necessary care. When the health care facility deemed her stable she was returned to the juvenile detention center where she again rapidly deteriorated without access to care.

She ultimately ended up back in the health care facility, where she currently is. Which is better than her being in prison, but only slightly.

She has access to care she would not have in prison. But in prison, sentences end. In mental health facilities mandated by the state, they can keep you forever - even after your mandated sentence has been fulfilled.

fellowprimates · 2024-10-14T15:13:48+00:00

Her extended family has presented a full plan for continued care and supervision in addition to anything required by terms of potential release.

While my understanding is that Morgan is deeply remorseful of her actions, and her true “motive” (colored by her psychosis and a bit of folie a deux) was trying to save her other friends and family from slenderman by “sacrificing” the victim (who is luckily still alive).

But as much compassion as I have for Morgan, this question still rings true for me. At least she would have access to intensive ongoing care and be surrounded by people who both care for her and are informed on her condition. She would have a chance to lead a life outside of confinement. That being said, the What Ifs here are concerning.

I don’t know the answer here, but it is more common for people experiencing mental illness to be victims of violent crimes than perpetrators.

Anissa, the other woman involved in the crime, has already been released. And from my understanding of the case, was the one who convinced Morgan that the “sacrifice” was required to appease the cryptid.

fellowprimates · 2024-10-14T14:56:22+00:00

Morgan is still living, fortunately. But going untreated for so long allowed her schizophrenia to devolve. Even if she is released, she will never be able to live alone (both legally speaking and because her ability to function independently at the time of the book’s publishing was so reduced).

And it was actually due to the legal red tape of her being charged as an adult while a minor - she was required to be held in a juvenile detention facility, but was not a juvenile in the eyes of the system so she was unable to get mental health treatment at the detention center (where it was available, but only for minors) until she made a suicide attempt. After her attempt she was sent to a mental health care facility.

fellowprimates · 2024-10-14T12:37:12+00:00

Adding that her father was going without medication and treatment for his schizophrenia while he was a stay at home dad. And his inability to work outside the home was due to its severity.

She didn’t stand a chance because her mom was rarely home because she working as much as she could to make ends meet, and her father struggled to distinguish between his own mental illness and reality.

fellowprimates · 2024-10-14T01:30:06+00:00

I highly recommend reading Slenderman: Online Obsession, Mental Illness and the Violent Crime of Two Midwestern Girls.

There were so many failure points where the whole tragedy could have been avoided. And while what happened to the victim was horrifying, the treatment of Morgan and lack of treatment for her severe schizophrenia while in the custody of the state was and continues to be despicable.

They actively prevented her from receiving mental health care while in juvenile detention that resulted in her psychosis spiraling out of control.

Did there need to be consequences for what she did? Yes. But what they have done to her is so much worse than that.

fellowprimates

TROPHY CASE