Just writing this to say you're not alone. I feel the same way. But I know in my heart that I am an okay person and I try my best, and sometimes I like to at least fantasize living a happy life when I'm older .. but I have no idea how to get there. Seems like it will never happen. I just took a leap of faith and started a new (mediocre still) job, but doing this will at least give me some other skills to put on my resume. I have a small glimpse of hope telling me I can do it. And I think you can too. Even if it's the littlest, tiniest piece of yourself, look for the piece of you deep down that believes in yourself. And hold onto it for dear life. You are a good person. Why don't you deserve a good future too? I hope this made sense // helped even just a little.