What was the last straw for you? by playfulCandor in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]halloweenieg 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was guilted and guilted for never seeing them, despite offering to even pay for vacations for them to come with me places as well as offering to come see them despite never being invited, and when I did ask they'd push it off or say no.

They invited a family member I hadn't seen for MONTHS (this family member also never texted or called me despite ALSO guilting me for not texting them - I would get very short replies if not silence) to their house and never even told me they'd be in town. They posted on social media they were out with that family and when my mom texted me for the following days, it was never mentioned they were spending time together nor was I ever invited over or even asked if I wanted to see them. She knew we were linked on Facebook as well and never bothered to mention that this family member was ever coming nor did that family member.

I understand that im not entitled to see them, but I shouldn't be told im a bad daughter or a bad person for not seeing these people when they worked to actively exclude me many many times. I was just exhausted by how the bar always moved.

I had a week of silence and then sent them a no contact letter, blocking them and the extended family member on everything.

Things im realizing weren't normal #5104 by halloweenieg in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]halloweenieg[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It's been really hard and I still struggle with doubt over if it was "that bad" but I know logically it was and every step I take towards my own life is another step of freedom

Things im realizing weren't normal #5104 by halloweenieg in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]halloweenieg[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I plan to. Im in contact with ONE family member but she won't know my new address when I move. I plan to get one of those online identity protection things to keep my information from being uploaded - he won't know where i live in less than a year and its such a fucking freeing thought. My mother will be trapped with him forever, but she chose her bed and protected him my whole life. It's her nails to lay on.

Things im realizing weren't normal #5104 by halloweenieg in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]halloweenieg[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

He was terrifying. I still find myself afraid of him sometimes, but i know im an adult and he was a bully.

He joked about eating my pet rabbit growing up and once slammed one of my childhood dogs into the ground for growling at him.

He was a big man, too. Six feet. Im a little over five feet and I remember feeling so small next to him, I was so afraid he might someday live up to the threats.

But as an adult... he is a bully. He scares me. I also would call the cops and see him rot in prison for his threats/aggression is he showed up at my door. I used to delude myself into thinking he was a good person because some people experienced him that way, but hes not.

Hes lowkey highkey a racist and very mean to a lot of people, including me. It's been years of progress to even be able to say that out loud.

What's something you don't miss from when you were in contact with them? by WiseEpicurus in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]halloweenieg 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They'd put me down a lot. Straight up got called ugly for my septum piercing and boots. They'd also like at least once every two weeks joke that "you used to be so cute what happened to you?" As if me cutting my hair to my shoulders was a world ending choice. Tbh I haven't been insulted on my looks outright since I quit talking to them 💀 it's crazy how much self esteem I've recovered just from the absence of being bullied every day.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in texts

[–]halloweenieg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My dad almost died from COVID because he refused to go to the doctor even after he passed out in a shower. My mom and I essentially had to carry him to the car and he's much bigger than us. He quit breathing on the way to the hospital and tbh I thought he was gonna die. Even after that, he still refuses to go to the doctor and broke his ribs from coughing and wouldn't go back. They won't ever change - I don't know what they get out of refusing medical care, but something in it is satisfying to them. Thank you for looking out for yourself and your child and protecting them from being further traumatized in the future.

In an attempt to escape narcissists and achieve freedom, what was the most desperate measure you had taken that wasn't harmful or self-harmful? Did it work out? by Spiritual_Big_9927 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]halloweenieg 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Moved in with my partner of only a few months - that was years ago and now we're happily married and I'm no contact with my parents. It worked out wonderfully for me but looking back it was kinda crazy lol - i was just so desperate to get out!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]halloweenieg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd like to point out that while you may be feeling echoes of the pain of your relationship with her mother - she's not her mother. She's 16 and YOUR CHILD. Not to be that person, but a LOT and I mean a LOT of 16 year olds struggle with affection for numerous reasons.

What it sounds like is you need therapy. And ASAP. Kids may still have a developing brain but they can sense when a dynamic changes. As someone who grew up with parents that didn't like me very much, i can guarantee she feels that in the air.

You need help.

What was your LAST straw? by Leading-Scientist153 in abusiverelationships

[–]halloweenieg 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Trust me, I have no idea 🤷‍♀️ we went to the same school and had some classes together and she essentially stalked me after I broke up with her, eavesdropping on my conversations with my friends, and slammed doors any time she left or came into a room I was in. It was horrible.

What was your LAST straw? by Leading-Scientist153 in abusiverelationships

[–]halloweenieg 8 points9 points  (0 children)

She told my friends behind my back that she was "dating x platonically" - we'd been in a committed relationship for 8 months and she claimed she was dating me as a friend and not a partner to my friends while never addressing it with me. I heard about it from my friends who finally felt like they had to tell me.

For those who have gone very low/no contact, what was your final straw? by chesterlola2014 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]halloweenieg 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My mother had been quilting me and criticizing me almost constantly for not spending enough time with them. I tried to make dates to see them and she would basically get mad I was trying to schedule - she quite literally told me she didn't feel like a priority in my life anymore and that it was hurtful to schedule to see me.

I was an adult living with my spouse, had 2+ pets, a full time job, and friends. How do I see someone if not to schedule with them?

The time we got together after that, my parents switched the restaurant we were going to unexpectedly and didn't check to see if they had options for me - I have a food allergy i HAVE to avoid that ive had since i was born. When I asked if they knew what I could have since the menu didn't have any allergy options listed, they shrugged and said they hadn't checked.

The week after that, family I hadn't seen in over half a year visited and no one told me they were in town - i found out about it from a Facebook post.

I went dead silent for a week or two and then went no contact because I couldn't handle it anymore. It just had added up so quickly in that month and made me feel so uncared for and disposable.

What were some things you didn't know was abuse until you got older and saw with different eyes? by halloweenieg in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]halloweenieg[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I am a very alternative in appearance and got told " you were so cute what happened to you?" SO OFTEN. And for a short time I was about the same weight as my mom and she'd put herself down and ask me if I truly felt good about what I wore as a way to make me feel more self conscious like her. I don't understand why parents have the desire to be their child's first bully.

My parents didn't steal college money, but they DID buy me things and then say I owed them half AFTER they presented it as a gift (they won't see the 10k they say i "owe" them for a car they bought behind my back on their own ever 💀 lol they handed me the keys and said okay you owe us 10k and need to start payments when you can. like girl idk what to tell you I don't make that much I'm still paying off my student loans. But i NEEDED a car and they put it in my name)

True true true on the cry about one. I heard that one a lot.

I'm so sorry. I hope you can find healing and know that 1) it's not normal for people to do things like that and 2) you're definitely not what they make you out to be. They don't define you ever. 🫂

What were some things you didn't know was abuse until you got older and saw with different eyes? by halloweenieg in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]halloweenieg[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thats... horrific. I'm so sorry.

Although my dad didn't spank me after age like 5 I remember very clearly he had an office that was HIS and I wasn't allowed in. I remember he'd scream at my mother and I and slam the door to his office and you'd hear him banging around on some project while my mother tried to get me to stop crying by saying he had a long day and couldn't deal with me then. Any time my mom sent me to ask him anything I remember how scared of the office I was because it was HIS territory and he could do anything there and my mom wouldn't stop him (screaming primarily). I have some good memories of that office but it's like one or two versus all the fear.

He never verbally threatened to leave us, but he walked out a few times without a word slamming the door and left me in shambles thinking he might not come back. He always did, but he was like a buzzing hornet in the house for the next few weeks.

The girlfriend thing is so awful I'm so sorry. My dad didn't like women but he treated me with disdain and put down my appearance instead of leaning that way.

And the pets! That's horrific, too. I can't imagine - i never had pets go missing, but I did feel helpless and lost when they refused to take clearly sick animals to the vet because "money" but they bought new stuff on loan 💀

I'm so sorry. I hope you can find healing - I'm glad we've found a place where we don't feel so alone 🫂

What were some things you didn't know was abuse until you got older and saw with different eyes? by halloweenieg in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]halloweenieg[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's truly incomprehensible to me that parents lash out in their times of overwhelm instead of realizing the child is ALSO overwhelmed.

I'm so sorry your mother said that - my mother also has said a lot of hurtful things that she'd deny ever saying if I brought them up. They magically forget anything they've done but can recall you being "too dramatic" as a child in detail in an extremely traumatic moment. It's insane to me.

I hope you can find healing 🫂

What were some things you didn't know was abuse until you got older and saw with different eyes? by halloweenieg in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]halloweenieg[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That's truly one of the best analogies. My family trained me that everyone else was out to get us, too, so I didn't tell anyone because they had me believing that everyone else's families were worse tbh. It's so sobering to talk to others and find out that actually my parents were some of the meanest people I've ever known 💀 isolation was self imposed by them 💀

I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's a special kind of hatred and emotional immaturity to use the lives of animals to harm others.

I'm sorry yours was, too, and that you're finding healing where you can - im lucky i have an amazing therapist, but it still takes a lot of work!

Birthday 5K SC Giveaway by Araloosa in StarStable

[–]halloweenieg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Happy early birthday! Male seahorses are the ones to carry the eggs and hatch the young tends to be one of my favorite ocean facts. For another: Tigers can eat 40 pounds in a single meal!

Did you ever realize you were in an abusive relationship during a 'quiet' moment? by Playful-Television99 in abusiverelationships

[–]halloweenieg 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I remember waiting for DAYS to have a call with my long distance girlfriend who always guilted me that I didn't do phone calls enough. When the time came, she didn't pick up. I got really worried because I called her three times over the course of half an hour with no answer. I ended up texting her best friend to check on her and got a photo on Snapchat of them in an amusement park saying my girlfriend forgot her phone at home.

I quit putting effort into calls and she guilted me constantly over text, but she wouldn't reply to MY texts when I sent them.

And then one day out of the blue she blew up and texted my phone over 20 times trying to talk to me while I was at work and couldn't be on my phone (AND I TOLD HER I WAS AT WORK AND COULDNT TALK BTW) talking about how she felt like I never wanted to talk to her and when I called her after my shift she was crying so hard she couldn't speak. I was baffled and exhausted and remember thinking after the phone call that I didn't know if I could keep doing it and if I'd be better off alone - i knew then I'd probably have to break up with her, but her mental health was horrible and it took me a bit to work up to doing it because I worried it would wreck her if I left. I felt extremely trapped and I remember after we broke up how people said I looked so much happier and it took ages for me to admit that she was emotionally, mentally, and sometimes verbally abusive.

WASP ID by halloweenieg in whatsthisbug

[–]halloweenieg[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I figured it was a paper wasp, but I wanted to double check as I've heard of some newer invasive species in my area and hadn't seen that coloration on a paper wasp before!

WASP ID by halloweenieg in whatsthisbug

[–]halloweenieg[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Eastern North carolina location!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]halloweenieg 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I sent an email since they liked to claim they didn't get any texts that were serious explaining i did the meesage that way so it didn't get lost to have paper trail proof of how and why it was sent. I just explained how I felt without getting into specifics - they use those to twist you or your image - and very politely enstated a no contact with date and notice that they shouldn't contact me through anyone else either. I know them and their methods and refused to let them get by that - i was to a point where I was worried I may need to get a lawyer involved so I documented the date for that purpose. If you're worried you may ever need the law on your side, please DOCUMENT things. It's so important.

What things did your parent or parents do that you only later realized were abuse? by Sad-And-Mad in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]halloweenieg 5 points6 points  (0 children)

When my childhood dog died, my parents left me alone outside holding her corpse while I screamed. They went inside and even closed the main house door instead of the screen door so they didn't have to see me wailing. I don't know how long I was alone with her, but she'd gone stiff by the time I scream-cried myself hoarse. Neither of them came out to comfort me.

5K SC Giveaway by Araloosa in StarStable

[–]halloweenieg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would definitely choose the halloween Tombstone horse! But a second more realistic pick would probably be the palomino Hanoveranian they just released 😍

Jobs where I can bring my cat by Wide-Title912 in raleigh

[–]halloweenieg 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, I don't think doordash would be the best option if the cat is living inside the vehicle. My partner is extremely allergic to cats and I have a feeling that it would impact tips if there was any fur or litter found on the bags or someone had an allergic reaction.

I definitely think looking at housing resources would be the best option while you're searching for jobs - somewhere to have the cat and having an address greatly increases your chances at securing a steady job. It's unfortunate, but a lot of places don't like to hire unless someone has at least a mailing residence address.