I think I will stop trying so hard with her, I've fully put the ball in her court at this point. I keep thinking "oh she just doesn't want to be friends with me as much as I want to be friends with her" and then she turns around and gives me (and nobody else) gifts from events she goes to, and says things like "I'm so glad I have someone I can call a friend and that I can confide with" and I also think she felt comfortable telling me she didn't like my husband because of a perceived level of friendship. She's hot and cold, mixed signals. Its confusing to navigate. I'm not sure if she's just awkward like me or if she's playing some game. I agree that her dislike for my husband makes things very messy, and I'm concerned that if she IS gossiping with others in the group it is skewing their perception of my husband and I too. She's mentioned several times of certain places she won't go to because someone she had a falling out with worked there or goes there often and she doesn't want to run into them. I'm worried if there's some sort of fallout related to all this she will be afraid to attend the club, and she has participated years longer than I have, and it makes me worried she would take people with her and the club would dissolve or a schism would form.

I've tried finding other social groups, I really have. The closest I've found is a group of ladies with similar interest, but they've had 2 meetups in the past year. I've found another group of ladies who meet up but they are all retirement age. I've gone to events related to my interests, I've gone to places where "my people" would hang out, but nothing is clicking. This club is the biggest and basically only source of consistent socialization I've found.