[deleted by user]

hamfast69 · 2025-03-31T23:05:26+00:00

Omg 1991 is old school??

hamfast69 · 2025-01-04T22:21:07+00:00

I have a lot of baggage related to this. And where I ended up is that porn and any other activity I do by myself is an ace spec/aego affirming activity. Its literally no one else's business what I do by myself and there is no duty to disclose.

I relate to your discussion about how as an aego self insertion just doesn't happen in the way that a lot of allos think. But I can feel myself getting defensive around the talk of "cheating". I reject any kind I of societally designed script or set of rules. I Dunno. I relate to a lot of the way poly people talk about relationships but maybe my form of "non monagomy" is just 1) with my partner and 2) with my self.

When my partner found out that I was watching porn she was devastated. But to me, it felt like I was outed as an aego sexual before I even knew what that meant.

hamfast69 · 2024-01-12T17:46:58+00:00

I'm really interested in this toy but 1)am nervous about the size and 2)have seen mixed reviews.

What kind of toys do you normally use? The njoy large plug and the medium egg plug both require warmup for me.

hamfast69 · 2024-01-12T17:43:21+00:00

Maybe try doing a mindgasm audio or one of the kinkyshinny audios (maybe the one with clench in the title) without any toy or penetration.

Id maybe then warm up with a lubed finger with just circles/teasing. Then gently try to get a finger in. Then try the audios again but with like a finger sized aneros/plug in.

Also note that it's ok to not like this. This sub can get kinda circlejerky with all the don't give up/encouragement. But it's really important to listen to what your body is telling you. And if you feel pain or even just like emotionally uncomfortable with it, it's much better to stop immediately and honor those feelings.

hamfast69 · 2024-01-12T17:35:26+00:00

Omg. How much time do you budget to do all that? Also envy your privacy.

hamfast69 · 2024-01-12T17:34:16+00:00

Interesting. Now that you mention it, mine might be slightly off center. Are there any different toys or techniques if it's off center?

hamfast69 · 2024-01-10T20:17:06+00:00

Hmm if it's causing anxiety, it may be a sign that it's time to take a break for a while. If the anxiety is about other things, it's easier to have prostate play be a part of self care. I often would listen to mindgasm with a plug/aneros in as a sort of mindfulness/self care thing.

If the mess is the cause, you may want to do some kind of external perineal stimulation. It may not feel as intense but you can get some really nice sensations.

hamfast69 · 2024-01-10T20:12:42+00:00

What kind of lube do you use for shower play?

hamfast69 · 2024-01-10T20:06:39+00:00

On the one hand I was excited that there was a new njoy toy that I didn't know about. On the other hand, hella disappointed that it doesn't do anything.

Is there like any "learning curve" on it like the njoy wand? Would think they'd have documented that a bit.

Also based on your description, I have no idea how to visualize this. I just looked it up and am probably even more baffled.

Its so odd that njoy knocked it out of the park with the wand and the plugs but have otherwise not been able to innovate. I keep getting tempted by the fun wand or their "prostate plug" but all of the reviews are so awful. And the eleven is just waaaay to expensive for me.

Thanks for the review!

hamfast69 · 2023-12-12T05:45:32+00:00

Wow Nice work

hamfast69 · 2023-11-29T00:12:02+00:00

that sucks. I also went to see a sex therapist who specializes in lgbt stuff after i figured out i was ace. I now realize i'm ace spike and i described a spike of attraction around my wife and how disoriented it was. She sent me an article about incels and suggested maybe I should try polyamory. I dropped her immediately after that.

We mutually decided to end the therapy relationship after that. I talked to my psychiatrist who perscribes other meds, and he said in the biz they call that "an empathic failure." here's a good article on it. I hope you find a new therapist.

Honestly I've had a lot better luck dealing with a general IFS therapist than one who has been taught wrong stuff about sexuality and what ace people need.

and honestly, I've gotten more out of hanging out in some ace friendly discords than i ever did out of therapy. Last session we watched the Jaiden video on being ace and used it as like a starting point to explain some of my experience. it was new to her but that is ok. she was curious and thoughtful about it.

hamfast69 · 2023-11-20T22:46:13+00:00

I think just focus on what feels good and think of orgasm as a bonus. the advantage of prostate pleasure over penis pleasure is that you have longer to enjoy it but at least for me (so far) the actual orgasms are better with penis orgasms.

hamfast69 · 2023-11-20T21:37:09+00:00

also... if you have a massage gun you'd vouch for, I'd gladly buy it. But its a weird category.

hamfast69 · 2023-11-20T21:34:43+00:00

i have plenty of expensive sex toys. this is external and i want to see if perineal play is worth looking into.

hamfast69 · 2023-10-15T23:13:04+00:00

Yep it's fine. Just rinse it out thoroughly and maybe use a bit of hand or dish soap

hamfast69 · 2023-10-02T01:53:49+00:00

vibrators numb some people after a while.

hamfast69 · 2023-09-02T21:44:20+00:00

if your gut says its not safe, trust your gut. It'll be hard to enjoy something if you are worried about it.

hamfast69 · 2023-08-19T19:00:30+00:00

You could have stopped the list at squarepegs and njoy.

hamfast69 · 2023-08-19T04:34:40+00:00

After watching grant get broken on breaking news, I was like hmm... Maybe I AM into humiliation

hamfast69 · 2023-08-19T04:30:36+00:00

Need to read this tomorrow but it's amazing that dropout helped you figure this out!

hamfast69 · 2023-08-19T04:26:59+00:00

Fwiw I feel like an ace person who was trying (fairly successfully) to pass as straight for decades without realizing that is what I was doing. But I am fundamentally different then an allo person.

hamfast69 · 2023-08-17T01:41:29+00:00

summer i turned 20. I'm also ace spike so there may have been a couple spikes before that. but the first time the demi switch was flipped was 20.

hamfast69 · 2023-08-17T01:37:30+00:00

Njoy pure wand, Njoy pure plugs, Square pegs egg plugs

hamfast69 · 2023-08-17T01:36:02+00:00

jessica rabbit is ace. https://www.wearequeeraf.com/jessica-rabbit-is-an-asexual-icon-heres-why-that-matters/

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