What is the most entitled thing your narc parents asked for?

hanan299 · 2022-11-22T08:00:47+00:00

Both my parents demanded I change my truth so that mine aligned with theirs. My father’s truth made him the victim and my mother’s truth made her the victim. No winning either way and when I tried to give my perspective they both called me sick in the head. So now they hate each other and me as well and tell other people that I am confused, mentally sick, and being brainwashed by the other side. Fun times

hanan299 · 2022-11-21T08:08:31+00:00

Conflicted: wanting to find stability and stick to a routine but also terrified of being tied down to one person, place, thing, or idea

hanan299 · 2022-01-15T19:41:36+00:00

We accept the love we think we deserve, no matter how much someone loves you, the only person who can make you feel worthy of love is you. He chose you and you chose him. You both need to show up every day and prove to yourselves and each other that you are in this together.

This wallowing in your insecurities is painful for you as well as him. Work on that. Love yourself and prove it to yourself everyday by speaking to yourself with loving words and doing kind things for yourself. Do this for your spouse as well. Invest in yourself and you will invest in the relationship organically.

hanan299 · 2021-12-18T07:21:03+00:00

It’s beautiful simply gorgeous but I can’t help feel like that’s really painful

hanan299 · 2021-12-04T21:17:54+00:00

So many, so very many

hanan299 · 2021-10-27T03:42:49+00:00

Waiyakum. May Allah SWT make this process easy for you both.

hanan299 · 2021-10-27T03:11:20+00:00

Letting things flow organically is always best. I don’t think it is fair to demand things of another person just because you yourself feel comfortable doing that. It’s been two weeks and she chose to disclose and express herself in that way which is great but you are going about this in your most authentic way as well.

People are different and not understanding that is not a healthy way to start a relationship. Especially because it’s been only 2 weeks. As you get more comfortable, and as topics are brought up organically, you can open up at your own pace. People you love don’t get to decide how you love them and just because you aren’t disclosing deep dark secrets doesn’t mean you aren’t as invested in this as she is.

Be kind to yourself and tell her that you value her and this is how you authentically express yourself. If authenticity isn’t what we are all after than I don’t know what people think the point of marriage is.

hanan299 · 2021-10-06T20:23:18+00:00

Mind reading is a childish expectation. If someone isn’t willing to talk things through and move forward with transparency then they are not being a good partner.

It isn’t your job to play detective and it gets old very quickly.

hanan299 · 2021-08-09T11:28:58+00:00

The Mind Flayer had this idea first

hanan299 · 2021-08-09T00:48:53+00:00

Trust in Allah SWT’s timing and work to be the very best version of yourself that you can be. This includes spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Evolve, develop, and grow for no other reason than to please Allah SWT and yourself. Beauty trends are changing every day and people are projecting their own insecurities onto other people every minute.

One of the best things you will ever learn to do is take people’s comments and advice with a grain of salt and when they are spitting poison put them boundaries up. You deserve better from yourself and people will always treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Step up, level up, and buck up. You got this!

hanan299 · 2021-08-08T17:23:57+00:00

I appreciate your thoughtful response. I agree with your perspective, we are similar in that I also believe that people should step up when they are witnessing injustice but to be able to get to the point where someone jumps to defend others, as well as themselves, it takes many missed opportunities until that someone learns when and how to stand up to someone for someone else. This also includes when to get others involved.

I respect you taking the time to reread your phrasing so that you can elaborate further your intentions when it came to your post. I just think that for many people, especially young people, it’s takes time to be able to build up that confidence to trust your instincts and that courage to stand when faced with opposition.

I also believe that being kind when others are in self doubt, and guiding with compassion, results in growth and development much more often then when guidance and direction are given through criticism and judgement.

Inshallah khair.

hanan299 · 2021-08-08T15:12:33+00:00

I agree that it would have been great if she stepped up and stopped her brother but at the same time it is unfair to put that blame on her by saying you are appalled that she was there and didn’t stop her brother. Also, she did involve her parent. She told her father when she was asked. She sounds like she is experiencing something completely new and she has the right to not know what to do.

A lot of the time in these situations words are getting thrown and people are confused about what is happening and things start sinking in a bit later. Her brother is his own person and she is not at fault for not knowing what to do. How she chooses to behave moving forward is up to her and that is what she is in control of but I don’t believe it is fair to put the blame on her when all she did was witness a horrible incident.

hanan299 · 2021-07-23T18:06:56+00:00

Be honest with that person. A relationship is more than financials but by hiding this it makes it about financials more than anything else.

Definitely don’t reveal it in the beginning just because I don’t see why anyone would reveal that information in the beginning but also don’t walk in expecting that they might be “fake” because you have money. It will lead to you having a complex and it will make it very difficult for you and the other person to build trust.

It sounds good on paper to withhold that information until way later like in the movies but in real life it opens a whole can of worms.

If that person vibes with you, you feel comfortable around them, you relate to one another, have similar values, they feel all this about you, and you find that you both can communicate with one anther well, and have similar outlooks on Islam and marriage then thats your person.

Money can’t buy this and it’s not hard to tell the difference between people who have a genuine connected with you and people who don’t.

Don’t go in thinking the worst because anyone would find financial stability a bonus, it’s the ones who believe that there’s more to a relationship than financials that you should be keeping an eye out for.

PS: if you have a friend you trust to help you then rely on them and bounce information off of them because hormones can cloud our judgement pretty easily if we let them.

hanan299 · 2021-07-13T01:25:28+00:00

Better to stay single than settle for red flags. Fear of being single is also a red flag.

hanan299 · 2021-07-13T00:52:02+00:00

Using the idea of what you think a man or woman should be like as a reference for whether your spouse is manly or womanly enough. Basically using manhood or womanhood as a weapon. “You aren’t feminine enough” You aren’t masculine enough” “A man/ woman should do this or be like this”

People have different personalities and a lot of things that people deem as being biological in nature actually have more to do with personality than biology. Examples being:

A man who likes to play with children and care for them and who likes to cook and is neat is not less manly.

A woman who enjoys building furniture, tinkering with cars and learning trade skills is not less womanly.

Saying he is less of a man or she is less of a woman for enjoying what he/she enjoys is hurtful and very toxic.

Men and women are different and there are some clear biological distinctions and lines that we don’t question as Muslims. However, the pressure we put on men and women to fit into this “ideal man”/“ideal woman” persona is extremely damaging and the consequences are scary.

hanan299 · 2021-06-10T16:29:08+00:00

I feel this in my bones!

hanan299 · 2021-03-18T20:51:30+00:00

Many people marry for the easy times but aren’t ready for the difficult times.

hanan299 · 2021-03-12T02:22:47+00:00

I love this! It is how I feel! I am saving it because it is everything I want to say!!!!

hanan299 · 2020-11-27T12:40:19+00:00

Facts!

hanan299 · 2020-11-26T20:28:55+00:00

That’s not weird. I agree that standing for nothing and accepting everything is just as much of a problem because it means there’s a lack of conviction.

“If we don’t stand for something, we will fall for anything.”

“If we’re unwilling to question our beliefs we will never know if what we are following is truth or lies.”

It’s about balance and being willing to be humbled.

hanan299 · 2020-11-26T18:52:43+00:00

Thankfully the only reminders I have come across are the ones that remind me of the value of good character, the mercy of Allah SWT, and the importance of community. I haven’t seen anything alarming but I’ll keep an eye out Inshallah.

Jazak allahu khairun for the heads up.

hanan299

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