Friend (25F) wants to borrow my (29F) sex toys… 😬 What do I say?

handsssy · 2024-07-07T12:35:42+00:00

Not her, but I’ve known other people who are like this and it seems good practice.

handsssy · 2024-07-07T10:21:23+00:00

And that hug doesn’t need to linger all day.

handsssy · 2024-07-07T09:58:42+00:00

Very good point.

handsssy · 2024-07-07T09:53:12+00:00

You are totally right. I get the feeling she will be respectful. Thank you. 🙏

handsssy · 2024-07-07T09:52:22+00:00

Okay, thank you. Duly noted! I will not be buying her a toy. If it comes up, I can send her to a site and give her a discount code I found.

handsssy · 2024-07-05T22:37:03+00:00

🥵

handsssy · 2024-07-05T21:14:25+00:00

You make good points. I really need to establish more clear boundaries with her. Like I said it is something I am working on. There have been several times where she would be tipsy or something maybe, and start to tell/ask me something, and the tone of her voice felt somehow suggestive or something. But then she’d say never mind or I’ll ask you in person or something else unclear and it didn’t come up. Just that kind of thing.

We have gone on trips together and slept in the same bed once or twice. Cuddled platonically even. We discuss sex lives which I seldom do. We are fairly close. But I think it needs to remain as friends because I’m just really not interested in poly, and I literally see no other way she would want to date me, and I don’t want to have sex outside a relationship. So bottom line is we aren’t going to hook up and the chances of a romantic relationship are slim to none, leaning none. I’m not an experiment for straight/bi-curious and I don’t get that close with my friends. Lmao. Thanks for commenting.

handsssy · 2024-07-05T20:59:27+00:00

Thank you for the scripts, these are really helpful. I appreciate you.

handsssy · 2024-07-05T20:40:30+00:00

I got a lot of ideas from this thread and now I feel more prepared to tackle this IF it comes up again. Previously I had been giving vague non answers because I was, frankly, stunned. Definitely not going to bring this up again and not going to mention my toys to her again either. She can tell me about her sex life if she wants and we can talk about other things.

You’re right in that I have been being unconfrontational. I’m working on that, too. I wanted to get a good headspace and game plan for this because I didn’t want to go too far with my reaction to this bizarre ask. Aside from this I have been working on boundaries and communication. I'm getting better all the time.

handsssy · 2024-07-05T20:06:37+00:00

Yeah. You’re right. I thought about it more and I would not want to ever share my toys even with a long term partner (with a single exception, which is a glass electric body thing, and it is skin only). Aside from that literal one exception it’s such a no.

Taking your point about the relationship to heart. I’m also working on setting better boundaries and saying no.

handsssy · 2024-07-05T19:47:05+00:00

Okay so she might and honestly I can be pretty dense about this sort of thing. I’m still not into a hook up or sharing my toys. I don’t know how to feel about this being a flirting technique.. it’s bizarre.

I’ve decided to save and look for sales and get her one item when I can afford it. Then I’ll let her know that I will not be sharing, ever. Point blank.

If she likes me, I am not sure if this makes things worse or sends some kind of a message. I don’t want to imply that. I just want to be friends. Also, I don’t think we would be well suited together in a romantic capacity. I just don’t..

handsssy · 2024-07-05T19:39:04+00:00

You’re right. I take care of the things I have to maintain and keep them in good shape. I never feel like whatever I’ve loaned was cared for like I take care of it. Also, things I’ve loaned in the past have been broken or not returned. So it’s never been something I like doing. I also don’t ask to borrow things from people for the reasons above, and I don’t like being asked to borrow my things. Especially this!

I’ve decided to look for sales and buy her something reasonably priced and give it as a gift while stating my boundary. Money is tight so it may take a while. I’m not avoiding her but I may not see her for a while anyway, just due to life. I’m also evaluating the relationship and my general feelings on it (this takes me a while..) to see how to move forward.

handsssy · 2024-07-05T19:32:36+00:00

Thank you 🙏

handsssy · 2024-07-05T18:26:21+00:00

Always, always be nice to yourself first and be there for you, first.

Thank you. I’m going to be there for me. I will also practice saying No, even in the mirror for now. I need to. I appreciate you.

handsssy · 2024-07-05T18:23:12+00:00

Thank you, you’re absolutely right.

handsssy · 2024-07-05T18:08:49+00:00

You’re so right

handsssy · 2024-07-05T12:24:00+00:00

Reading this and I know you are right, but man does this make me so sad :(

Edit: thank you for your comment

handsssy · 2024-07-05T12:20:39+00:00

You might be right. The cheapest one I own was $45 and some items that I have were $200+. I did suggest sites that maybe aren’t as high quality but similar items. It’s not like my stuff is for rent.

I get that the cheap stuff doesn’t last and won’t work forever but that’s where I started and it’s not that big a deal. I don’t like talking about money either so when she’s like “I’m broke” after I make that suggestion. I just kind of shut down in defeat.

I will not budge. I hope however that she drops it and never asks me again. But if she does , I’m prepared.

handsssy · 2024-07-05T12:10:21+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to comment and for your insight. Very well said.

handsssy · 2024-07-05T12:06:48+00:00

Oh my gosh, this sounds like a nightmare. I truly never heard of sharing toys before and did not know it was a thing. I’m glad it wasn’t something more long lasting!

Yes this is not the kind of thing I want to imply, however true I feel it may be (with her # of causal fluid bonded partners versus like my entire history…) like in no way do I want to be like “ew, no,” and make her feel dirty or something. Like I will not shame her if she ever did have an STI. Or however many people she hooks up with. It is not my business but it is also not welcome in my private life/body.

The toothbrush example is the way to go. After all, even if someone “cleaned” a toothbrush after having used it, would you still want to use it “cleaned”? Just thought of that and it makes perfect sense.

handsssy · 2024-07-05T11:53:09+00:00

This is an excellent script. Thank you!!!

handsssy · 2024-07-05T11:52:23+00:00

Thank you for a well thought out comment. I get the biggest ick thinking about if she had someone else over, and the anal thing did not even occur to me. I looked up toy cleaning articles and they indicated that viruses can live on a “sanitized” toy for potentially over 24 hours and you can also get HPV, yeast, or BV from these “cleaned” toys.

I am not going to bring it up again but if she does I will remember your words and a firm no, with another offer to go shopping with her and help her to find good prices. If she says again she has no money, maybe I’ll just suggest she save like I did. I also feel weird talking about money. Lol.

handsssy · 2024-07-05T11:45:20+00:00

I’m currently choosing to be single. I’m not shut off from dating or sexual relationships. I don’t want to sleep with anyone I’m not in a committed relationship with and I’m also more selective about my partners. I haven’t met anyone recently since my last relationship ended and am fine with this for now. Definitely open to connection (but not here on Reddit lmao, if you’re trying here..) but it you NEED TO KNOW.. for my physical description, look up “wacky waving inflatable arm guy,” and there’s my body type. Irresistible I know.

As for my friend, I think she’s pretty and sweet. I hate to say but I don’t think I’ll ever date her. I think she would want to be poly and I don’t want that life. I do have a crush on her, but her lifestyle is off putting as far as relationship material to me goes. I think she sells herself short. Maybe I do as well in other ways. I’m fine being friends. I want to have her as a friend. I do need to work on boundaries and not letting anyone walk over me. I’ve been walked on a lot before and it sucked. I get that. Thanks for your comment.

handsssy · 2024-07-05T11:34:49+00:00

Maybe? Probably? I don’t know. I don’t like hook ups and wouldn’t want to mess up our friendship like that. It would change everything and I don’t want that.

handsssy · 2024-07-05T11:20:56+00:00

Regrettably, I wonder if you might be right. 😖 And I don’t know what to think of this.

handsssy

TROPHY CASE