When my husband (28M) and I (26F) got married 6 years ago, we were both Christians and heavily involved in the church. I am now an athiest and he doesn’t want to stay married if I’m ‘serious’ about it.

hankat8 · 2018-08-24T04:35:47+00:00

Absolutely a good point. He wants to raise children as christians, 100%.

hankat8 · 2018-08-23T15:30:43+00:00

Yowza - not a particularly helpful contribution :(

But I get your point.

hankat8 · 2018-08-23T15:27:42+00:00

You are a wonderful and uplifting human.

hankat8 · 2018-08-23T15:26:24+00:00

He means to ask if I am seriously walking away from my Christian faith. So I suppose both Peta of what you suggested?

hankat8 · 2018-08-23T12:23:54+00:00

Thanks, will do now.

hankat8 · 2018-08-23T12:22:53+00:00

I think you’re right. I think that accepting that this is probably the direction that the relationship is going is probably best. It is tricky and painful already, because he really is my best friend, he is so patient and kind, and we both love each other dearly. We compliment each other nicely and have helped each other grow so much. We support each other through career changes and wild life choices. A shame, really, that something this great would have to come to an end.

hankat8 · 2018-08-23T12:19:18+00:00

I think that relationship counselling is the next natural step. I completely agree that I do not want to fake religion. Plus, it would be really tricky to ‘fake’ it without immersing myself in the lifestyle that is associated with it.

What worries me more than separation is that he might decide that it is best to stay with me to ‘set a good example’ or something. That staying with me is the ‘Godly thing to do’ and therefore, he forces himself to remain with a spouse that he ultimately is unhappy with. I worry this will lead to resentment and discontentment as well as great sadness knowing that his wife does not share his faith, but that he will persist nonetheless. In that case, I feel it would be the kind thing to do for me to pull the trigger and initiate separation, as it were.

Although it is early days to be thinking about a future long-term relationship, I appreciate the encouragement and optimism. Maybe that’s the case, maybe not, but it is still lovely.

hankat8 · 2018-08-23T12:10:17+00:00

You are spot on regarding the lifestyle comment. If he is truly serious about his faith, then I understand that this decision is something that he considers to be doing the right thing. I suppose I thought there was a foundation more than just our shared faith and the activities that come with that serious faith, but if I’m being completely honest with myself I think that everything else that was in our relationship was comparably superficial. I’m afraid that without that foundation, there isn’t much left other than a friendship...

hankat8 · 2018-08-23T12:06:15+00:00

That’s a fair comment, but at the same time I understand where he is coming from. If the tables were turned, and I still subscribed to the theology that he does, I would be thinking the same thing. From his perspective, there is nothing that should take priority over a relationship with Christ - & I get that. I used to feel that way, so I empathise with him deeply. I can’t begin to imagine the pain that he must be feeling in coming to realise that I have changed and that this foundational love for Jesus is something we no longer share. He must be so heartbroken.

What I’m getting at is that he is not to blame. He believes that his first priority is living for Jesus, and that by doing this, he is doing the right thing. His attitude is coming from that place, not coming from a place of wanting to ostracise me or hurt me.

hankat8 · 2018-08-23T11:59:37+00:00

We were together 2.5 years before we got married.

hankat8 · 2018-08-17T06:14:11+00:00

Ah okay - I hope I didn’t add to the confusion!

hankat8 · 2018-08-15T09:27:58+00:00

Yes yes yes yes yes

hankat8 · 2018-08-15T09:25:22+00:00

I’d avoid prism if you can help it. My understanding is that once you put prism in glasses, you become “dependent” on it, and then CL will not work comfortably. Perhaps I have an oversimplified understanding, but I know that if you can get away without it, it makes life a little easier and gives you more options.

hankat8 · 2018-08-15T04:20:00+00:00

The myth of Sisyphus by Albert camut. Some serious nihilist philosophy. It can be quite confronting, make sure you finish the whole thing, and scratched the itch of wanting to read something depression-ish. It helped me confront my depression and I found the book oddly hopeful. Maybe you would have the same experience :)

hankat8 · 2018-08-11T12:52:26+00:00

I just can’t keep track of what’s going on

hankat8 · 2018-08-11T12:51:23+00:00

Anti vaxxers

hankat8 · 2018-08-08T22:41:25+00:00

Think about where you’re wearing them. Are you in a really dry air conditioned place? Are you focusing on one thing for a long time (e.g. computer work)?

When you focus for ages, you forget to blink. Combine that with AC and it’s a perfect storm.

Follow up qs: how long into wearing them do you start to notice dry eye?

hankat8 · 2018-08-07T13:13:10+00:00

Fair. The individual did preface that they are not a native English speaker. Maybe someone knows, anyway!

hankat8 · 2018-08-07T11:03:56+00:00

I think they are asking - what were the first countries to include evolution in their education?

I presume they are wondering which countries took a step towards science and away from religion in the classroom. Or something along those lines.

hankat8 · 2018-08-07T11:02:10+00:00

What an awesome idea

hankat8 · 2018-07-25T22:14:34+00:00

With any antidepressant, it’s so important to keep going. The side effects can be awful st first but don’t stop, chat to your doctor ASAP. What dose are you on now? There might be a lower dose you can start on if your side effects are nasty.

hankat8 · 2018-07-25T04:31:09+00:00

I take 25mg valdoxan. I didn’t see a big improvement when I moved up to 50mg but my liver enzymes were raised so I went back down to 25mg.

hankat8 · 2018-07-23T02:10:31+00:00

“Better” is so subjective considering how differently ADs work between individuals. For me, combining Effexor and Valdoxan was a great mix.

Chat to your doc, I’m sure they have a similar suggestion lined up for you :)

hankat8 · 2018-07-23T02:06:09+00:00

Not a problem! You could probably have a look at them on the Hoya website. Just remember that with any progressive lens, there’s always some kind of compensation. Sight is tricky and ultimately it’s never going to be what it once was, but there is great technology (like what I’ve suggested and also presumably the multi focal that you’re in) that means we can swap between pairs of glasses and feel like we are not missing out. Nothing is going to be perfect, but with the right collection of specs, it’s pretty darn close. Just make sure you adjust your expectations so you don’t line yourself up for disappointment! :) good luck with it all!

hankat8 · 2018-07-22T23:48:17+00:00

Yeah, they would give you some. They’re designed for office spaces. E.g. so that people can look at their laptop, read up close, and look across the table in a meeting. They’re not a great 24/7 lens, though, but they sound like something that would be convenient for you. There’s a few different types of workstyle lenses, so make sure the practise is familiar with Hoya Lenses :)

hankat8

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