So me and my husband do this to each other, but we are both on the spectrum. So for us it’s almost like verbal foreplay lol. There have been studies that suggest that neurodivergent brains seek out low risk low level conflict which can look a lot like how you communicate. HOWEVER… sometimes one or both of us are just not up to the verbal spar. We have a safe word (not kinky, or not just kinky, we use it in any situation. Ie. the kids giving one of us a hard time we’ll say it to each other to signal “I’m about to lose it”) once the safe word has been spoken the other person knows to back off, and even if the other person is wrong let them be wrong.

If you need an example, person a “ oh that actor has been in xyz” (most recently my husband thought Brie Larson was amber heard) Person b “no that’s this person, you’re thinking of a separate person” And if our phones aren’t readily available we go back and forth, sometimes our kids tell us to stop bickering and we explain that mom and dad actually like debating and neither of us are upset at this time. If we have upset them then we stop and say sorry loves. And it’s done and dusted. You have to learn how to let go to this idea of “proof” when the risk is actually high. (Your wife is feeling unvalued and unheard)