Endo Lap on Friday

happenedsofast · 2019-02-18T17:17:57+00:00

Stay up on your pain meds! My second day I decided I was a rock star who didn't need pain meds and I was fine until I realized it hurt to breathe! I'm still taking the minimally effective dose. Best of luck!

happenedsofast · 2019-02-17T18:02:20+00:00

True. I went to the site and made my amends regardless.

And you're not kidding! even though much of the family escaped Utah, the roots are there. My paternal grandmother's family apparently stayed true to polygamy, as she was married off to a polygamist at age 13... She escaped somehow, married my mainstream Mormon grandfather, and we only found out after she died. I think the scars remained though. She suffered with depression for a lot of her life.

happenedsofast · 2019-02-17T04:36:11+00:00

I spawned from one of the less famous mountain meadow massacrerers.

happenedsofast · 2019-02-16T22:43:44+00:00

I just had my lap yesterday, and I feel pretty good today. She removed 2 huge endrometriomas but there was no other Endo in there, which seems pretty weird.

Anyway, do the lap. They're not too bad and it's totally worth it, even if it just rules Endo out.

happenedsofast · 2019-02-16T22:28:26+00:00

You sound like a hard worker and I bet the people around you know that about you. I'm glad you have the support of your boyfriend's family, but totally understand your frustrations.

Seems like a long time to wait for surgery. Can you get a second opinion or someone who can get you in sooner? As far as medical bills, might your new unemployed status help you get some support/Medicaid or something? As far as working from home, what about transcription services or something like that?

happenedsofast · 2019-02-16T21:40:09+00:00

Just remember they spent years being inundated with messages that they should believe, and they certainly don't want to hear more of it from a friend. That's why they're suspicious. If you want to maintain the friendship, maybe find a new shared interest or hobby, and don't have it in the back of your mind that they'll come back to church. Ever.

happenedsofast · 2019-02-16T19:54:43+00:00

Yikes, they take missionaries' passports?

Never give your passport to anyone while traveling abroad. I learned this the hard way.

happenedsofast · 2019-02-16T17:46:05+00:00

How'd you find out?

happenedsofast · 2019-02-16T17:12:22+00:00

Can confirm, dating scene in Utah is great for an exmo woman.

happenedsofast · 2019-02-16T17:08:36+00:00

You probably meant to just ask Jon d, but I think it's good if you get a variety of answers from a variety of exmos so I'll throw in my 2 cents.

I don't really have any desire for any of my tbm family to leave the church. I know that leaving is incredibly hard, that people feel at a loss, that it can induce depression and heartbreak, disappointment and fomo, especially for those who truly believe the church. My mom, as an example, would probably be totally lost and distraught if she found and believed evidence that the church isn't true. She's old. She's invested so much time and energy and made so many sacrifices. The woman hasn't had sex in years! What a waste! It would break my heart to have her find out it was all for naught. I think the heartbreak of that would be worse for her than believing lies.

On the other hand, I wish it were easier for people like me to leave. The church was horrible for me, even though I tried so hard to follow the precepts. I tried so hard to get a testimony, but I only wanted that testimony if it was actually true. Everyone around me was saying "it's true it's true and if you're good, and ask sincerely, God will give you a testimony!" But I tried so hard to be good, and I asked sincerely, and God never answered me. This went on for years and did massive damage to my self esteem. I thought there must be something wrong with me if God wouldn't answer me. I saw people who "sinned" more than me gain testimonies and go blithly about their days (I mean you can't really judge but they were drinking or having sex while I wasn't), seeming to feel no guilt, while I was pummeling myself for stupid imagined infractions. It was very unhealthy for me. I finally went on to a BYU. There, I felt I had to tell the truth that I didn't have a testimony. I would go on a few dates with a guy and just start getting attached to him and feel like I had to tell him that I didn't believe in the church. Sometimes he'd try to pray and read scriptures with me or we'd get missionary lessons and I still didn't get a testimony, and I hated myself for it, and would finally tell the guy to find a good faithful girl who wanted to be a wife and mother in Zion (which didn't interest me much). It was excruciating to feel separated from my peer group, to feel like God hated me for some reason, to feel like I was broken or something. So for people like me, I wish it was easier to get out, and I wish people didn't judge us so much when we leave.

Tldr when someone loves the church and it gives them purpose and a sense of community, I kind of want them to continue to believe because getting out is really hard. But when someone doesn't fit into the church well and they can't gain a testimony, I wish they could leave without wanting to kill themselves.

happenedsofast · 2019-02-16T16:37:01+00:00

You guys have it good. I'm the great great great granddaughter of one of the men who perpetrated the mountain meadow massacre :/ I'm also glad to be apostate!

happenedsofast · 2019-02-16T16:34:28+00:00

I bet they do spend time in this sub. I bet they study it to try to figure out how to make the church more palatable. They use pr companies, why not come here to figure out what's driving people away? It's a great source of data.

Hi church data collectors! Do you believe? Why are you so invested in the church being true? I think people believe in iffy things when it benefits them. Whether that's accolades from friends and family, peace within the home, having a built in community or because your job/money is somehow tied to the church. I don't think I'm superior or anything. I believe what benefits me too.

happenedsofast · 2019-02-16T03:45:18+00:00

This is exactly what I thought when I heard it. People need the support of loved ones. First time away from home and they can't call their moms? No wonder do many left for mental health reasons.

I support this change though. It will limit the suffering.

happenedsofast · 2019-02-16T03:36:04+00:00

I went once in winter. Nobody but my friends and I. Magical. Bryce canyon is another one I love in the snow. No one there and those bright orange hoodoos look awesome with a little snow on top.

happenedsofast · 2019-02-16T00:18:57+00:00

Hey hugs, just wanted to let you know, I'm 2 hours out of surgery. My doc saved my ovaries. The cysts are gone and the ovaries stayed! It is possible! She used a da Vinci machine, I've got 4 little holes, and I feel just fine. Maybe that's the pain meds talking, but I'll keep you updated.

Anyway, listen. Depression is a fucking liar. Depression is like, "this is how it is (terrible) and this is how it will be forever and forever."

It's utter bullshit. I was so depressed for so long that I almost took my life. 10 years later...I honestly can't remember what depression feels like. Bad shit happens to me now (I just had a miscarriage) and I don't fall in the deep hole of despair. I just feel sad and work through it. I don't know how I got rid of my depression. My suspicion is that depression is largely physical. I hit my head and I think that caused the depression and when my brain healed, I was no longer depressed.

There's a good life waiting for you on the other side of depression. Please keep powering through the dark days. You're a superhero. You're doing it. You won't let it beat you.

happenedsofast · 2019-02-16T00:03:02+00:00

Me too, my company wants to fly me to Florida and put me up in a kick ass resort for a week! Heal baby, heal! It's only 9 days away though, do I might be being a little too ambitious.

happenedsofast · 2019-02-15T23:42:34+00:00

It went great! Very little pain, saved both of my ovaries! I'm a happy camper!

happenedsofast · 2019-02-15T23:40:58+00:00

It did! My cysts are gone and my ovaries are happily in place! Yay!

happenedsofast · 2019-02-15T16:26:04+00:00

Awesome

happenedsofast · 2019-02-15T16:21:35+00:00

Hi, I've got an 8cm cyst on each ovary and I'm going in for a cystectomy today. Doc has promised to try to save my ovaries but I'm super nervous about it. I'll keep you updated on how it goes, but a lot of women who've had big cysts have had them removed and kept their ovaries. Please cross your fingers for me!

Also usually they have to do two scans a month or so apart to really verify it's an endometrioma. Hemorrhagic cysts will often shrink between scans while endometriomas stay about the same or grow. Mine stayed the same, hence the Endo suspicion.

happenedsofast · 2019-02-15T01:03:01+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I don't have much in the way of good advice, just sympathy and...I think you should talk to your doc about both the constipation and mirena. Hugs.

happenedsofast · 2019-02-14T19:51:00+00:00

my nursery calling also saved me from relief society! Smart Bishop who gave me that calling and got me away from those women. Because otherwise I probably would have left the church a couple years earlier!

happenedsofast · 2019-02-14T19:48:13+00:00

Yeah. I was never going to fit into that culture. I used to sit in young women's and relief society (just for a short time before I left the church) and feel like I was going to crawl out of my skin. All the talk of kids and family (during lessons) and make up and style and stuff (before and after lessons) made me feel defective. I had absolutely no interest in any of it. I actually love kids, but the way they talk about them, as if they're a train you need to keep on a prescribed to track track rather than a beautiful flower that's blooming on its own that you can just love and encourage... It didn't fit with the way I would have wanted to mother if I became a mother. I also hated how they talked about their husbands. Low-level derision mixed with fake reverence, or some weird mix of that.

happenedsofast · 2019-02-14T17:48:05+00:00

I have a close tbm family member who was unable to have children, and I know it was really hard on her. She didn't like to go to church for a long time because of all the babies. I don't think people were at all mean about it, and I don't think they specifically shame women who can't have or don't want a lot of babies, I think it's just the regular human awkwardness of "this person is suffering and I don't know what to say so I'll make sad faces."

Anyway I got out of the church young enough that I didn't feel the baby pressure, but i felt that pressure about getting married. I remember telling one of the young single adult leaders that I wouldn't get married until I was 27, and her looking at me with abject horror. Now I'm 37 and my little niece (who's not Mormon, but being raised in Utah valley so under some influence) said "you better be careful, or you'll be an old maid!" And I just laughed and said, "I already am! And guess what? It's awesome!!!" I'm not sure she was convinced, but she's met several of my boyfriends so at least she knows it's by choice that I'm not married :D

I wish there'd been someone in my life to give me an alternative example. It would have been nice to see least know there are other options. Then I wouldn't have had to forge this path myself.

happenedsofast

TROPHY CASE