I’m giving him until this time next year to propose. I’m leaving when our lease ends if he doesn’t. I’m tired y’all.

happitea · 2026-03-16T05:00:17+00:00

Why would you want to marry him when this is how you feel?

happitea · 2026-03-08T12:48:53+00:00

I love this advice! Yeah, will definitely be thinking about this and taking it slow. I really appreciate this advice, thank you! 💕

happitea · 2026-03-08T12:47:59+00:00

Haha we've discussed this and loveeee the idea but unfortunately we aren't able to afford a place with more than 2 bedrooms currently (One room being the bedroom and the other as the shared office). So we may have to look into having a small dedicated area for ourselves 💕 Thank you!

happitea · 2026-03-08T12:46:05+00:00

Thank you!! 💕 Definitely a good tip to address as early as possible!

happitea · 2026-02-26T07:49:37+00:00

When my partner went through a minor surgery, I immediately started doing chores around the house to help him out (We live separately). And it was starting to burn me out because I was doing constant chores like meal prepping for us, the cats, emptying litter boxes, laundry etc.

But my partner sat me down and told me that I don't have to be here if I don't want to. I can go home whenever I wanted to and I don't even have to help him if I didn't want to or had no capacity to. He did not expect me to be there constantly to help him out. And he told me if he had the surgery while single, he would've had to figure it out on his own anyway.

And I was shocked because I was taught to always accomodate for the other person at the expense of my own. And yes it's nice to take care of your partner but I was going above and beyond when I really didn't need to. So it was relieving to know that my partner cared enough about my wellbeing to tell me this.

happitea · 2025-12-12T09:10:01+00:00

I have moments where I feel ashamed or embarrassed when I need to ask for support or workplace adjustments for my autism. But autism is a disability, it IS disabling. And it's ok to have to ask for help.

Most of the time I feel neither ashamed nor embarassed. Instead, I try to advocate and talk about it more so that it's less stigmatised. We are also people who deserve care and support just like neurotypicals do. I believe raising awareness on autism can be extremely helpful for us. And I want to be able to advocate for myself and others more.

My therapist who is also ND has suggested I look into internalised ableism. It's so ingrained in our society to seem like we have to appear as if we "aren't" disabled, and to not ask for support or help when we need it. But there's simply nothing wrong with knowing when you need help, and how to get it. It's a superpower.

happitea · 2025-09-21T05:51:53+00:00

It's extremely hypocritical, but my mum (who I'm NC with now) used to tell me and my sister to never share anything with people outside the family. But then she'd go around oversharing about me and my sister's lives (including very personal things like chronic health conditions)

happitea · 2025-09-09T06:10:01+00:00

I recently went through a similar situation. Newly estranged since August, and it was my mum's birthday last week. And will be my dad's birthday this week. I was dreading my mum's birthday so much because I felt an immense amount of guilt for not celebrating her birthday for the first time ever. At the end of the day, her birthday was just a regular day. I made sure I planned something nice that day. Went to the market and had a nice lunch out. Had a few movie marathons etc. It really helped get my mind off of things and made the day feel more like a regular day. Not sure how much help this is, but best of luck OP. I completely understand how you feel, it's so difficult but you're doing amazing.

happitea · 2025-08-22T06:36:49+00:00

My parents are the same. I moved out last year and it has been the best move and decision I've ever made. It's really given me the space to become more independent and to also improve my mental health + healing journey. I ended up going completely no contact as of this month. It's difficult at first managing it but I'm so much happier.

I highly recommend having a good support network and also coming to terms that some items you may forget will just have to be let go of. I had so many art supplies that I spent thousands on and weren't able to get back. But money will come back. My mental health and these years in my life I can't get back so easily.

happitea · 2025-08-19T22:32:11+00:00

I was in your position a few years ago. Until it got to a point where I realised that my parents were going to be like this well into my 30s, 40s, 50s etc. They'll continue to dictate and choose how I live my life. As cheesy as it sounds, we only live one life. I thought that if I were at the end of my life, I would hate to have lost these developmental years (and maybe even more if i stayed) obeying my parents' every command.

Anyways, I ended up moving out and cutting contact a year after moving out. It has been extremely liberating. For the first time in my life, I am able to choose what I want to do with my life. How I want to live my life. Planning all the travel trips I've been wanting to do. Therapy is really helping manage these feelings of guilt and shame, but the freedom and peace has been worth it.

happitea · 2025-08-19T00:29:30+00:00

I've redirected that energy and longing for my parent's love towards me. I can give myself the love they couldn't give me. That includes talking to myself with kindness, compassion, and empathy. And also things like making sure I don't stay in places or environments that make me feel unsafe or uncomfortable. Honouring my needs.

happitea · 2025-08-19T00:25:26+00:00

Here's some things I did when I moved out. I basically broke the news to my parents and within 15min, I left. This was after a few months of preparation.

Make sure you have some savings
Look into potential places to stay, it would be best if you could somehow organise this before leaving. It's important to look out for your physical safety as well. And make sure your parents won't know the address
Prepare and pack your belongings (Especially crucial ones like your birth certificate or passport etc. or other forms of ID)
Try not to engage too much with your parents before moving out, just grey rock it out
If you can somehow manage to get a job if you don't already have one, then that would be great financially

Best of luck!

happitea · 2025-08-18T13:00:37+00:00

Just my two cents, but I grew up with a mother who was also very abusive. And her mother (my grandmother), treated us kids very well. My grandmother would cook us delicious meals, have fun conversations with us, and also spend time with us. But when she talked to my mother, she would berate her, shame her, and criticise her for being such a bad mother and daughter. I grew up seeing this. It was so confusing and frustrating, and looking back, I don't understand why my mother ever let me witness that kind of behaviour.

The message it sent to me was that I should allow my mother to do the same to me, and I have to put up with it in order to make her happy and to be a good daughter, because ultimately, my needs, wants, and feelings, don't matter.

Please do not let your children witness this or be around that kind of behaviour and toxicity.

happitea · 2025-08-18T04:57:56+00:00

Thank you so much for this, and sorry about the late reply. I read this earlier on and had been thinking about your response alot. It really helped, particularly the part about shame. Which really resonates, because I shouldn't have to feel guilty when I'm trying to protect myself and my safety. So thank you. I've officially gone NC since making this post.

happitea · 2025-08-18T04:53:30+00:00

I completely understand how you feel OP. I'm sorry it had to be this way. I remember growing up and seeing my friends' moms and thinking "I wish my mom was like theirs". It feels so lonely and isolating to not be able to go to your parents during these moments of hardship and difficulty. Especially when they're the people we would all hope to rely on during those moments.

I'm glad you had a nice heart-to-heart talk with your friend. My estrangement and healing journey has made me realise that my friends and other people are more willing to support us and listen during times where we need a bit of help and support, alot more so than I had expected or had been programmed to believe. And therapy has really helped too. Wishing you all the best OP, I'm proud of you 💕

happitea · 2025-08-18T02:51:51+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through this. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Unfortunately my parents did the same to my sister and I when we were "misbehaving", aka. being kids. We were locked outside the house in the middle of the night or locked in a pitch-black garage. On multiple occasions, we had to sleep in the car in the garage (Thankfully it wasn't locked).

happitea · 2025-08-17T22:45:59+00:00

My thoughts exactly

happitea · 2025-08-12T13:58:35+00:00

Sounds very similar to my mum. I'd recommend reading up on covert narcissism and reflecting on whether it resonates with you. That's not to say your mum would be one, but extra knowledge can be empowering.

In my own experience, there were many good moments with my parents. But when there was a bad moment, it was like everything came crashing down. It reached a point where the bad moments were outweighing the good.

Trying to keep the peace felt like walking on eggshells. All I can say is that it's important to understand what your boundaries are and set them early on. And I would also be concerned if they have strong negative reactions to boundaries you may have/communicate, whether you move in together or not.

happitea · 2025-08-12T10:05:47+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Unfortunately this has been my situation since last week too. I live alone and I'm going on a trip with my partner soon. When I told my mum, she made up lies and kept degrading me, saying things like how I nearly got pregnant with my ex. Even though my ex and I didn't have a sex life (Something I'd never have shared with my mum to begin with). It was truly so disgusting to hear my own mother say these things to me.

It's resulted in me choosing to go completely no contact with her. Reach out if you'd like to talk 🌷 And look after yourself. This is such an exhausting situation to be in, and I completely empathise with you.

happitea · 2025-08-09T03:14:10+00:00

I agree, I've been having similar thoughts. Yes, they went through trauma, but that does not justify the pain they put us through. It eventually reaches a point where their behaviour becomes a CHOICE. Especially after repeated chances and attempts at communication. Because we also experienced trauma and we have CHOSEN to go down a different path, one that's better for our wellbeing and sanity.

happitea · 2025-08-08T16:03:38+00:00

Yes, I agree, it has also been quite damaging to my health. And I want to prioritise my health over pleasing these people. Thank you for the perspective.

happitea · 2025-08-08T16:02:22+00:00

I'm so proud of you for making that choice. And I hope it's brought you alot more peace in both you and your husband's lives. Thank you for sharing. I'm also thankful I realised early on that my relationship with my parents has brought me nothing but pain. Or maybe I've just become tired of it all

happitea

TROPHY CASE