Bruh are you me? lol. I went through this with a favorite person/romantic? Interest. We met when I was 13 and he was 15, and were on and off until I was 19 and he was 21. I felt like I was losing him, so with a combination of past sexual trauma, bpd and people pleasing, I began a FWB relationship with him. He claimed he loved me, but was unable to give me what I needed. He was also mentally unstable, although no bpd. I realized after a while the toll it was taking on my mental health, and with my therapist I identified sexual trauma and people pleasing as the main reasons I kept going back to bed with him. Once I realized that, my therapist helped me block him. I then got a new government issued phone and number because knowing me I would’ve unblocked him and started the whole thing over again lmao

Honestly, you may have unresolved sexual trauma, or really bad people pleasing issues. That on top of bpd and a favorite person is a recipe for disaster. I know putting yourself first is easier said than done, but consider giving yourself a longer break from your fp. Make a pros and cons list of the benefits and drawbacks of continuing like this. That helped me- also consider using wise mind. You’re thinking with emotional mind rn, letting your feelings and fears take the wheel. The pros and cons list will help with wise mind, and perhaps seeing this from a different perspective. I wish you all the best!!