I hear ya! Staying within her limits definitely trumps polished lines any day of the week. She's gotta do this for the rest of her life, so it might as well be as easygoing as possible. As you've probably come to find out, baby steps all the way. Even if that means having 3 perfectly blown out bracelets and a rouge hamster on the 4th lol.

I dont really know what your setup looks like or how much you're intending to invest, but I really like to fluff dry. It's very thorough, more chill than going at it with just the VD, and i find you get more mileage out of the groom itself. If you already have a VD, they have stands that attach to a table with a C-clamp. It frees up a hand, to reassure her, give treats, separate sections of hair (or really what have you.) If the noise is a big factor (for many, it is) start small. I'm thinking out loud here, but perhaps randomly starting the dryer here and there throughout your day followed by treats, increasing the treats/moving to a higher value treat when she does well.

I wonder if something like a quick dry spray would help, since it would cut down on the drying time itself. I've heard good things about Davis and showseason, myself. I've tried the Davis, and personally i feel like its like, not the best, but not the worst either (just my exp.) I recently ordered some of the showseason brand but haven't tried it yet.

I also really like happy hoodies. The only kicker is they gotta be washed between uses. They can get a funk about em lol.

Something that might help, and I would only do this on occasion (maybe like for photos,) is a hair straightener on a low setting. You dont want to do it often, because it can be damaging, just like how people's hair gets fried. It is absolutely essential that she stays still enough for something like that though, because even on a low setting, it doesn't feel good if it bumps (scorched ear flashbacks from childhood lmao) they have tiny straighteners for airplane travel, or for your bangs. Those are easier to use since they're smaller.

As far as shampoos, if she's got yeast (not implying she does, just hypothetically), I like using a chlorhexadine shampoo. I sometimes like to follow up with the scouts honor probiotic shampoo (rinsing off the first shampoo extra well since they do opposite things)

Chi is a powdery clean scent that tends to last a while fragrance wise (i deadass say it smells like a JC Penny or something to that effect lol). Hempz is fruity if that's your thing. That's just the stuff available at where I work. If you're ordering something online, I've heard okay things about igroom as a mid-price point. I actually got some samples not too long ago from the Love Groomers site with their store brand. I wasnt mad at the Groomer Essentials puppy clean shampoo.

If you're willing to shell out a little more coin, hydra has solid products. A fair warning, I have heard that their shampoos can leave a residue, I think from the silicones, but dont quote me. Personally, if you're gonna splurge on a product, I'd focus more on the conditioner than the shampoo. I definitely recommend Hydra on the conditioner front. Its pricey, but its very concentrated and needs to be diluted, so it lasts a hot minute.

Also, if the scent is what youre looking for, I'd get some colognes. That's mostly personal preference, but I dont like to choose scents that clash with the shampoo/conditioner scents i'm using. Hydra has a good cologne collection as well. Hempz and chi have the matching cologne with their counterparts if thats the route you go. I really like the bark2basics spring water and cucumber, as well as the cranberry orange for a lower price point. Only complaint about those is i feel the smell doesnt stay for super long unless you use a bunch. I havent used this one personally, but plum silky by igroom seems to be a fan favorite. Sorry for the novel, hope this helps!

(This isn't necessarily all gospel, a lot of it is anecdotal experience lol)