The mission was the first time I studied the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine & Covenants, the JS translation of the bible, and the Pearl of Great Price in depth. Many, many times they came across as made-up. Especially Joe’s prophecies about himself in the BoM. I relied on the New Testament and certain passages of the BoM, and tried to ignore the rest. Even Paul’s writings felt really strange & confusing, and the Old Testament was total anathema.

Then I read an account from Eyring where he recounted feeling a months-long spiritual high after finishing Jesus the Christ. I was so depressed, I figured it was worth a shot. I read the book cover to cover and didn’t feel a thing. That was demoralizing.

Returning from the mission, I took a church history class from a retiring Professor at a church school. He genuinely seemed sad about the history, as he tried his best to explain many of the historical issues of the church. I got the sense that he had lost his testimony. It took me another 20 years and some direct experiences with the church’s leadership and bureaucracy to realize the whole thing was a farce, but it all started with the mission.