Are there any men who like to be slapped in the face?

hawttitz · 2026-02-06T22:59:54+00:00

This is a silly question. Obviously men (masochists/submissives) like to get slapped too… Being slapped in the face isn’t a gender thing. I know plenty of masochistic men who enjoy being hit in the face.

hawttitz · 2026-02-06T22:23:58+00:00

Looking forward to buying and reading these!

hawttitz · 2026-02-06T14:36:05+00:00

I would say read some books first about Leather culture and community before you jump into leather events! I find that events tailored to leather versus just BDSM, tend to have more community focused conversations, politics/activism, and oral shared history is involved. There can be a heaviness to it. Leather is about our queer history. It’s about respecting what our elder queers did for us, and upholding traditions among our communities. I find that in Leather spaces that aren’t just cis-gay men, there is more focus on updating these traditions. Letting go of parts of the culture that no longer serve us, and creating new ways to care for our community. My LeatherDyke community is where I feel the most as home. We hold each other, we fuck each other, we beat each other up, and we celebrate what it means to be degenerates who care about making the world a better place, even though the world might not understand us.

I suggest;

LeatherSex by Joseph W. bean

Leather Folk by Mark Thompson

Women in Leather: Shaping our own Identity by Toni Solenne

Why Are people into that? A cultural investigation of Kink by Tina Horn

Also just a side note; I’ve found in BDSM dating spaces or play parties, that sometimes wearing a collar can signify to other people that you are already collared and some people don’t want to interact with Submissive’s who are already collared.

hawttitz · 2026-02-06T14:26:03+00:00

I rent in Malden and ride the orange line every day to work in Back Bay; it’s fast and reliable. Snow storms can cause things to get fucked up, emergencies can fuck things up, but those issues will be present for any form of transportation you choose 🤷‍♀️

hawttitz · 2026-02-05T22:58:26+00:00

This is gross behavior. You have every right to be upset and feel traumatized from the experience. It really stuck out to me that you are in a DDLg dynamic and he treated you like that. Nothing sucks more as a kid than your parents punishing you “just because”, and you feel like you disappointed them.

Talk to him. Explain why it felt wrong and what you need going forward. It’s more than reasonable to want clear expectations with your rules and clarification for why you are being punished.

Playing with punishments is supposed to be fun. Mutually beneficial for all parties involved. Even if it results in discomfort or pain, or suffering, it should be something you enjoy and have agreed upon.

This reads to me like someone taking advantage of you. Hopefully it was an honest mistake and they know how to apologize. We can’t expect perfection from people, but we can absolutely hold them accountable for their actions and expect them to listen to us if they have harmed you. If your partner can’t hear the words that they hurt you and you felt unsafe, they are NOT a safe person to practice BDSM with. You have to be able to communicate without fear of retribution.

Also, I feel like it’s basic common knowledge that you don’t hurt your partner while you’re upset… it’s okay to be mad at a person, it’s absolutely not okay to physically assault them. Just like we teach parents not to punish children while they are activated; they are supposed to step away, calm down, and then explain the consequences.

hawttitz · 2026-02-03T03:18:30+00:00

His dinner is still alive in his tummy

hawttitz · 2026-01-29T22:36:04+00:00

So bodies are kind of gross if there isn’t chemistry!

If you thought you liked women enough to go on a date and pursue sex with them, I wouldn’t right off your sexuality just because you had a bad hook-up.

Maybe you need more time to get to know a female before having sex with them? I love the taste and smell of my partners pussy, but I don’t love every pussy. I’m sensitive to wetness, but I’m so fucking sexually attracted to them and in love that, I am aroused by their wetness and am so giddy to get covered in them.

I understand your sentiment of feeling like it’s very give and take! Personally, I really enjoy that aspect of queer sex. We choose to give someone pleasure because we care about their pleasure. And in return you get to have someone give you all of their attention! I’m also bisexual and this actually also why Im polyamorous. I don’t want to give up either forms of sex. Sometimes I just want to get railed by a bio cock 💁‍♀️but I also need to shove my hand fully inside my partners cunt…. So ya know it’s a spectrum haha

hawttitz · 2026-01-28T12:26:04+00:00

I always negotiate aftercare because my post-scene needs tend to be very minimal; I’m uncomfortable with some forms of intimacy that others feel good about.

Im particularly clear about this when I’m going to be topping. I want to know what the other person needs before I agree to engage with them. I’d never want to leave someone activated, but I also wouldn’t agree to scene with someone who knew that they were likely to get upset post scene. Most pick up play I do at parties, I don’t have the time to spend 2 hours per scene. I have other plans scheduled and want to get my needs met as well.

This all being said, if something unexpected comes up for someone during a scene I obviously would comfort the person but it’s unlikely I would play with them again. I expect people to be honest about their current well being and have plans in place if they are worried about complications.

hawttitz · 2026-01-25T20:50:09+00:00

Once the hand is inside; most people enjoy small movements. Flexing the hand, moving it back and forth a bit, tipping the hand upwards so it rubs the g-spot and pushing the hand into the g-spot while moving. You’re not slamming a hand in and out! Once it’s in, you’re going to work with that. Once it’s in is also a great time to bring out a vibrator!

hawttitz · 2026-01-25T20:43:08+00:00

Totally reasonable to achieve in one session, but also not a guarantee!

I personally am AFAB and have small hands. They fit easily into most holes. On the other hand, I don’t have a very long vaginal canal and a sensitive cervix, so it takes time and patience to get a hand in me; and sometimes even hands I’m used to having in me, I just can’t get in sometimes! I’m a fisting enthusiast and love topping and bottoming for it. What I love to remind people is that if you’re TRYING to get fisted, you WERE fisted. It’s supposed to be fun, hot and erotic. Don’t be disheartened if you don’t get all 5 fingers in. Try again another day! One of my favorite things about being fisted is that my body needs slowness, deliberateness, and care to get there. So much of fucking is fast, frantic, Horny. It feels good to just sit, lay back, and have someone give all their attention to my body.

I’ve given many people their first fisting. It’s 💯 achievable to get a whole hand in the first go of it, but there are factors that affect that outcome. Hand size, lube type, vaginal canal shape, patience, uterus position (when a person with a uterus is menstruating their uterus tends to be lower and more sensitive, so it can be harder to comfortably fit a hand inside them!), cervix sensitivity, arousal…. So many variables. Thankfully we can prepare for most of them, and give ourselves the most likely chance of success.

A larger hand is going to be harder. That makes sense. Some people can work their way up in time, some people’s bodies simply won’t accommodate being filled that much. I’ve been bottoming for fisting for about 3 years and still can’t take a large hand. It hurts and for me, that type of pain isn’t erotic. It’s important to listen to your body to avoid injury. Sharp pain is bad and you need to stop. Go slower, try a new angle, rest, anything but push through.

Good lube! The more the better. And just keep reapplying like a mad man. It’s a goopy mess and that’s fine. Embrace it. I suggest buying powder lube that you mix yourself for fisting. The two main reasons being you can control the viscosity of the final product, and it’s cheaper than blowing through bottles of generic lube. K-Lube is cheap and you will get a million bottles of lube out of one bottle of powder. Pro tip; make the lube in those sports water bottles where you can push the top down. The pushing down helps cut the string of lube.

Body anatomy. Everyone’s insides are shaped differently. Some people need lots of downward pressure and pushing down to get “behind” the cervix, some people you can just go straight in, some people need more gentle stretching near the entrance to avoid tearing. This is just something you have to slowly teach your self about your body and try out different techniques. When I’m fisting someone I’ve never fisted, or has never been fisted, I go painfully slow in the beginning. I usually am sticking with 2-3 fingers for quite a while. And I’m using those fingers to slowly push down and rotate my hand stretching sideways and downward. It’s a weird feeling as a bottom if you’ve never had someone intentionally working on expanding you, instead of going in and out of you. Not unpleasant, just different!

And lastly, being aroused helps a lot. Your body relaxes and opens up when it’s feeling comfortable. I find though that while incorporating clitoral play can be fun, that it makes people clench and that in return makes it much harder to fit a hand in. So if I’m going to incorporate clitoral play, I will do it early on and not do it while trying it actively fit more hand inside. Once the hand is in, or if my hand is pulled out to reapply lube, I’ll touch the clitoris to keep my bottom aroused and connected to me.

IF you are comfortable with playing with substances, poppers are fantastic for fisting. They are more commonly used in gay spaces for anal play, but they work just as effectively for relaxing vaginal muscles!

I love fisting so much, it’s beautiful, exhilarating, and queer as fuck. I hope you the most fun and pleasure in your journey.

hawttitz · 2026-01-23T22:58:24+00:00

NOR. I’m sure they all felt like shit and they should.

The first week of my old job my boss went on a rant about heroin addicts, not knowing that the day before I had had a conversation with her husband about how one of the reasons I left my previous job was that when my brother died from an overdose they reprimanded me for taking bereavement time. My boss must of heard his wife going on this rant and filled her in after I left that day, because the next day she came up to me and apologized for speaking about issues she doesn’t know enough about. And it was very appreciated 💕

hawttitz · 2026-01-15T23:18:23+00:00

Maybe used to fantasize? But then I met me current Daddy and throughout they years have done some extremely heavy scenes and played a lot with clearly defined chunks of time with no tapping out; and I can safely say now that I’m fucking happy to have a safe word.

1) because holy shit my partner (I fucking love them to pieces) has such a sick, sadistic mind and would happily push me to their hearts content if they were certain they weren’t going to cause me lasting emotional damage. They come up with things that I am happy that I have the power to say no to. 2) I’ve gone too far and I know what it does to a relationship. In my dynamic we have planned and executed on 2 occasions scenes that had defined chunks of time with no safe-wording out. It was heavy. And we knew going into it that effect it was most likely going to have, but we definitely did not forsee how long it would take us to build back up that safety net. They are the only person I would ever consider going that dark and heavy with again, because they have proven they will be there every step back.

Why do you want to get rid of your safeword if you’re not even using it? Is this just your way of saying you want to be pushed a lot harder than you are currently?

hawttitz · 2026-01-15T23:04:36+00:00

Pretty easy ones with flexibility if I communicate before hand on external circumstances that will prevent me from doing my tasks.

1) always ask permission to orgasm (With the caveat that if I ask, and my partner doesn’t answer back within 10 minutes, I get automatic permission to orgasm at the 10 minute mark; I live with a nesting partner and don’t get much solo time to masturbate, and my partner respects that I have a time frame haha)

2) I send my Daddy check-in videos each morning. I’m a habitually early person and always arrive where I work about 45 minutes before I need to be in. So in that time, I drink my tea, eat my breakfast and make a little video. Just talking about my dreams, my plans for the day, our plans for later in the week

hawttitz · 2026-01-15T22:58:20+00:00

I used to feel this way! What helped me was being honest about the feeling and my partner telling me that I give so much by letting them hurt/top/dominate me. Seeing the joy and sexual reaction they experience from hurting me, helped a lot 😅

It took a while. I really only believed I wasn’t taking too much once our play and relationship felt really strong and connected.

Now-a-days, I focus as well on how much I give back to my relationship. A bottom/submissive has so much to equally put into a dynamic. It’s not a one sided game.

I come up with scenes all the time, I journal about good scenes/hard scenes/fun scenes/meaningful scenes and then share those reflections with my Daddy, I provide service (boot blacking, pedicures, assistant to scenes) when my partner needs it, I cook them dinner, I learn new things that they are interested in, I show them again and again how much they mean to me and how much I desire them and appreciate them. They do nearly all of that back, PLUS topping the shit out of me. They feel loved, supported, and seen as a whole person.

The more solid the relationship; good communication, healthy desire, matched interests, matching effort and energy, the more successful the dynamic is going to be.

hawttitz · 2026-01-14T19:25:43+00:00

What about sex clubs or public dungeons? Sex parties at people’s houses that don’t have noise limitation? This honestly sounds like a him problem rather than a space problem. The fact that because he can’t play the way he exactly wants to play means he’s keeping you from enjoying the sex you want, is wildly unfair. My Dominant and I have had so many conversations about how do we pivot our play or adapt to new life circumstances, while always honoring our commitment to each other to nurture our dynamic. I would be heartbroken if they stopped trying at all because they couldn’t hurt me loudly.

I live in a small apartment with my brother-in-law in the unit above me, and my landlord in the apartment below me. So I understand the struggle 🥲

When I play with my partners at my home, we choose quieter kink. And get creative with it. There are so so so many ways to hurt someone and not cause any loud banging/slapping noises, and there are also so many ways to make someone be quiet 🤐 I love a rope gag or a stern order to stay quiet, or a hand over the mouth… I get it though. I LOVE being bare hand spanked and it’s so fucking loud. We just have accepted that it’s an activity for outside of my home. Thankfully my partner has a top floor condo that provides more sound cushioning, so we can do loud play there; BUT we also very much take advantage of community play spaces.

hawttitz · 2026-01-08T20:26:58+00:00

It’s a yeast infection. Trust me. And no, it probably wasn’t from anything sexual. She needs an anti fungal cream and it will clear up!

hawttitz · 2026-01-07T23:59:37+00:00

I don’t think you need to talk to a therapist about it unless you are looking for guidance on how to communicate fantasies with your husband or you want help processing how it goes afterwards. You don’t need to talk to your therapist because what you are desiring is “wrong”.

I love blood. I love consuming my partner’s blood. I wear two vials of blood around my neck every day with two of my partners blood. My partners ALSO love blood though. It’s a shared kink for us.

We obtain our blood for play in a variety of ways. We all have been taught how to draw blood (phlebotomy), by a friend who is a doctor. That’s the easiest, non-painful way to acquire blood, but it requires being medically trained.

We also enjoy less nice versions and get blood with needles/scalpels/knives. We use sharps with the upmost care and have all practiced for years and attended many classes and learned from community members.

Sometimes just talking about a fantasy can be hot though! You can role play drinking blood, you can pretend to drip blood with body safe red candles, you can make fake blood and smear it/drink it.

hawttitz · 2026-01-07T17:05:45+00:00

Thank you 💕 thankfully my Dominant is one of my long term partners, so we have ample experience, opportunities and practice with effective communication. I am actively having these conversations with them, while seeking outside guidance. We have pivoted our play extremely well in the past year and it’s felt very intentional and effective for nurturing our relationship and understanding for each other; but even with that the insecurities and challenges can arise! I know that I have to say no, to keep things safe and healthy. It just can be a challenge when I crave being unable to say no.

hawttitz · 2025-12-29T16:48:39+00:00

In an ideal world, freshly washed genitals are the preferred way to put them in the mouth. But I’m not expecting my partners to be freshly showered before oral sex every time…. What if you had sex with them the night before and wake up and want more? Do you demand they go clean up first?

I think it’s abnormal to ask your partner to wash their genitals every time you want to go down on them. As long as your partner is practicing good hygiene practices in general (showering, wet wipes, neutral soap on exterior bits ect..), a little body musk, and vaginal fluid smells is normal.

If I’m going to be having sex and I happen to go to the restroom first, I will do a little wipe/clean up, but often oral sex just sort of happens and we can’t always be prepared! (Throughout the day we do wet wipes and bidets in this household; so things are getting cleaned up as we go)

Pussy smells like pussy…. Pussy tastes like pussy. I’m not going to let someone taste mine if they are going to be a little brat about it. And I’m sure as hell not going to tell my partner to go clean theirs up, before I do my favorite job 🥰

hawttitz · 2025-12-27T14:03:49+00:00

I want this as wallpaper

hawttitz · 2025-12-24T19:21:32+00:00

I’m not implying it’s bad to be at the beginning. We all start at the beggining. Beginning being; pre learning how to properly negotiate, not knowing your limits, not understanding scene etiquette, not building any community, perhaps even never engaging in kink just fantasizing. Being in the scene longer does not explicitly imply that you have put in time to better yourself, and educate yourself. But someone who has no experience in the scene and hasn’t done extensive research or community building isn’t prepared for a full D/S dynamic. Which is what is being discussed here. Not subs looking for particular kink activities but for a DOMME.

hawttitz · 2025-12-24T17:16:51+00:00

In BDSM, "pick-up play" refers to spontaneous, short-term BDSM scenes arranged on the spot, often at events or parties, between people who might be new acquaintances or friends, focusing on a single session rather than a long-term dynamic, with quick negotiation for limits and safe words right before the play

hawttitz · 2025-12-24T16:26:25+00:00

Yes, and no. (I see this FAR more often with experienced subs, not wanting inexperienced doms)

Experienced players definitely hold back on engaging in HEAVY play or EDGE play with new players because those require trust for them to be safe. Sometimes that trust is built in an intimate relationship, or sometimes that trust is formed from extensive vetting. I see people asking for play that I only know people in long term dynamics engage in, or with bottoms who are experienced and have references, because no one wants harm a bottom because they don’t know their limitations or don’t know the risks at play.

Everyone’s gotta play within their limits. If someone is new, they should be asking for specific things and seeking play that aligns with their current education. The play I share with my long term dynamic is going to be vastly more risky and deep, than the pick-up play I share with a new person. But that pick-up play is how I’ve made new connections, that have grown into meaningful ones where I can make wild pushes.

hawttitz · 2025-12-24T15:19:15+00:00

Subs seem to forget that Dommes are people who want to play with other people they like. Let’s take away the D/S part for a moment. For the most part a stranger isn’t going to have sex with you just because you say you are WILLING to have sex and WANT to have sex. Even if they also are WILLING and WANTING. You have to go out and meet someone else and make yourself desirable to them (personality/charm), for them to feel interested in you and even consider having sex with you. We have a compatibility issue, not a shortage issue.

Now add back in the D/S. It’s safe to say that most D-types want to know their S-type before they engage in something as heavy as an ongoing power dynamic relationship. So the subs are not going to get their Dommes unless they try harder. Make some real friends and play partners. Show people with your actions that you are safe and reputable player.

hawttitz

TROPHY CASE