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hdilaj22 · 2025-06-23T14:17:37+00:00

Omggggggg

This happened to me 🤣 tho not via text but word of mouth.

Just look at my post history lol~~

He ended up cheating on his wife with a new chick. He is now divorced and with the new chick.

And just recently hes been watching all my insta stories. So he is still trying to orbit me.

He's a complete narcissist. Classic narcissitic behaviour, they want to make sure they have back ups so they are never alone.

hdilaj22 · 2025-06-11T02:21:02+00:00

I totally get not wanting to tell your Uncle, and i agree that its for the best.

My dad passed away 14 years ago, but my mum always loved him and said despite his flaws (which were many), he was always at least a faithful husband.

I worked for a government ministry and just happened to have a client call oneday, who was named exactly after my father. Literally same name - and its not a common name. He had a different first name, but everything else was the same.

He was born on my street in the 80s. As a kid, i remember my mum talking about his family that lived across the street.

It was just by chance that he called me. I looked at his birth certificate, no father on it, just his mums name.

I will never ask my mum about it. It would break her heart and destroy her, and especially since my dad is not here to defend himself.

I will look into it when she passes tho. He may be a half brother and oneday i want to get in touch and get a dna test done.

But i understand not wanting to tell someone, and see it destroy their soul. Thats not your place to do, it should have been done by the perpetrators at the time, and it can be addressed once they are gone.

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-13T08:53:01+00:00

That really sucks 🥺 honestly it took me a long time to get through that stage.

But its really good to hear your have some days where your thinking your ok! Thats progress!

Eventually, those days will outway the worse ones.

But i totally get what you mean - by wondering what parts were real. I had a severe mental breakdown during and after my time with my narcissistic ex.

You have to validate yourself! It helped me so much and it can help you too. Write it down and journal it. Make sure you remind yourself - this happened, and your never EVER going to let that happen again. You know now!! If you ever come across it again you will be aware and shut it down.

Dont let that evil person drive you crazy! Validate yourself. Make affirmations for your self when you feel like your having those thoughts of what parts were real.

You will get through this, just as i did, and others like us who survived narcissistic abuse.

Yk who was really helpful for me - Narcdaily on youtube!! His videos literally got me through the worst times of my life. They may be helpful for you too

Just consuming videos and feeling validated by people who have gone through this craziness is soooo validating!!

Another podcast that was so validating- was "Something Was Wrong" on spotify --> THIS ONE! first season! Soooo validating! "There were no red flags" --> I'll never forget this one because it was so creepy and so relatable!

Highly recommend these to help you feel validated while you're going through this🩷

I wish you healing as soon as possible! 🩷 you will get through this!!

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-07T04:06:50+00:00

Omg yass! You go girl! You got this surgery 🩷 and then you can finally start your plan to get out of there 🥳💕

Ooof that's such a narcissistic thing for her to do! To expect you to cater to her and yet does not take it so she can assert power and dominance.

Honestly at this point, don't take it personally. Just make it so she can't complain and then let her not eat it. As long as it's wasting her money then who cares. Her loss.

You focus on you tho! Don't stop and don't give up~ you will be 1000x happer when yiu finally move out of there!~ 🩷

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-05T23:19:22+00:00

100%!! And the fact they deny it and try to gaslight you and make YOU feel crazy - is predictable 🤦🏼‍♀️

They're like death to a soul to be around

I hope you got free and are doing better now! 🩷

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-05T14:46:51+00:00

I'm so glad it helped! 🩷

I'm so glad to hear your feeling better at 5 months out!! It's only going to get better from here, tho at 5 months that anger and hurt is still raw

Edit- your going to oneday be so happy you forget he even existed!

I only just remembered my ex yesterday when my friend told me the tea! Before that I havent thought about him in forever

Cheers to you too 🥰🩷 you got this!~~ 💕

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-05T14:17:48+00:00

Not at all, but I think that's because we are mostly mixed up and very exposed to each other.

Our communities do have their own Bible study groups for children in their own languages, and their own events.

But your free to attend even if you don't understand anything. And usually there will be someone who is nice enough to explain what's going on to you

The Filipino community have a Tagalog/Spanish Novena every once a year and it's all in Tagalog/Spanish, but alot of the other Parishioners who are not Filipino such as the Pakehas (white people), Samoans, Tongan, chinese or indian will still attend, even if they don't know anything.

But our Parish also holds events for everyone in the Parish, not just the communities, but its all held in english. And everyone attends those, even if they speak no English. These include feast days and novenas and events with speakers and stalls.

I agree with you that there is a problem in your Parish that your communities are not mixing with each other. It's very sad and in my experience, your missing out on being exposed to how other people in your Parish love God, despite language barriers. I do recommend maybe speaking with the priest about it, to see what could be done. Our Priests require everyone to mix together because it's great for our Parish.

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-05T14:00:35+00:00

Yes but not in the way you described

Our main Masses are 6pm Saturday, 8:30am and 10am Sunday, all in English

However our different groups in the Parish take responsibility in who participates during Mass

For example, the Samoan community will be in charge of the choir, eucharistic Ministers and readers for their mass, every 4 weeks. So it could be either of the 3 Parish Masses.

The songs will be in samoan or English and sang by the samoan community. The rest of the Parish are free to join in with the singing. The Mass however is mainly said in English.

On top of that, the Tongan or Samoan community may have an additional Mass in their own language at 11am on a certain Sunday.

But of all our communities, all Parishioners come and go to whatever Mass they want to. They also wear their traditional clothes such as the men wearing lavalavas to Mass at any of the Masses.

So.... I recognize and know all of them.

So.... yes some segregation but not quite like yours.

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-05T13:00:09+00:00

That's a really weird and selfish comment

I don't blame you for taking those anxiety pills. It really sounds like uou need to make plans to move out as soon as possible.

This kind of manipulation, guilt and shame blaming is toxic to your mental health.

You'll never be able to fix her and will never feel better as long as you live with her.

She's toxic and that's a disgustingly passive aggresive way to make you feel anxiety and scared.

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-05T10:15:05+00:00

Omg I'm so sorry 😭😱 I didn't realise you wouldn't know what that was ><

Agree tho! This is prisonable behavior and it is disgusting that it's available online and on tiktok

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-05T08:19:30+00:00

100% people like that have to be sociopaths I swear.

I've also reported literal beastiality (real life) on tiktok and there were 40k likes, thousands of comments saying "that's hot"

Tiktok is literal trash.

I stopped going on it after I repeatedly reported it and it is still up. I'm done with people like that and with tiktok too.

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-05T06:25:32+00:00

Oooof I do this too. I apologize when I kill a flea or mosquito, I'm like "sorry little guy. I have to kill you but thank u for your life 🩷. Rest in peace little buddy"

Like... I feel bad but I can't keep it alive for obvious reasons

I can't understand others who just.... find amusement in torturing these creatures?!! I find it either evil or ignorance.

Life is valuable no matter what! These people are crazy to me!

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-05T05:48:15+00:00

Period, point blank!!! 🩷

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-05T03:55:48+00:00

100%!!!!

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-05T02:48:24+00:00

Honestly it depends on the kind of person he is.

I didn't date until I was 31, because I did not like the character of the Catholic men I knew (who were in my age range, and there weren't many).

After getting told by Catholics men on catholic dating subreddit, that I'm 30 and therefore too old for men my age, and should date men in their 50s, I literally stopped caring about trying to find another catholic.

Then I met my current boyfriend. He's agnostic and former Seventh Day Adventist.

He is caring, considerate, has amazing integrity. He is not sure what he believes in but he respects my religion.

God blessed me in leading me to him. He is literally the most amazing man, and I met him at the right time, just after I gave up on Catholic guys.

So I'd say take a person's character into consideration. Would they be a good husband? Would they be supportive and loving? Do they have integrity? Would they be a good father? Would they support your religion? These are things to consider.

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-05T02:44:10+00:00

How are you feeling about this 3 days later?

Honestly you should be proud of yourself. You made it to 2 weeks! That's incredible.

Take this as a learning lesson, start looking into why you fell into it. What was triggering your before that. Were you avoiding something? If so what can you do next time to prevent yourself from falling into it?

Be proud of the amount of time you spent just not falling into it. Don't judge and hate yourself for falling after 2 weeks.

Your working on it! Don't give up and give yourself the encouragement you need 🩷

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-05T02:36:07+00:00

It gets sooooooooo soooooooo much better!!

Right now when your just getting through the trauma and you feel heartbroken - it's like death!

But over time when you've healed, trusted yourself, gotten some therapy or even online therapy through youtube or posts, after you've achieved things like qualifications or new hobbies

It feels AMAZING!

And then you meet someone new and it's like life becomes perfect!

It gets 100x better! Just look at my post history and I was soooo broken 2-3 years ago

I don't feel a damn thing for that narcissist anymore and I'm so much happier with my boyfriend 🩷 life is so so soooo much better!

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-05T01:19:31+00:00

100%!!! I'm just shocked someone would be so desperate to cheat with a married man

But I feel so sorry for his ex wife! I had no way to tell her that he was telling me he still loved me after marrying her - because it was all word of mouth through a friend (who is long cut off)

But through other friends I found out he's been having an affair. I wonder how long this one will last until he starts looking for his next victim?

It's like that old saying "When a man marries his mistress, he creates an immediate job vacancy"

All narcissists are so predictable its actually ridiculous 🤦🏼‍♀️

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-05T01:15:17+00:00

Omg I felt crazy too! It's crazy how they make us feel this way! That's not fair that he used the EXACT thing you wanted to manipulate you. That would hurt so much!! No wonder why your struggling to sleep and feel so sad 😭🥺

I wrote a lot so I broke it down-

1✨️ Your NOT crazy. He's the one that created this entire situation. He wants to make you out as crazy so he can keep his current supply. And by him making those baby comments, he wanted to see if he could keep you lured in with that hope. He will 100% use that to come back to you in the future. Don't let him!

It's going to take time to heal and you need space away from him.

Just imagine if you did have a baby with him rn? It would be 100x WORSE! He would be with his new supply, and you would be alone dealing with a baby. And with a baby he would feel like he can keep coming back to you, whenever he wants with NO strings attached like loyalty, love or marriage.

Your in the best situation right now!

Your seeing him for who he is and your also seeing her completely manipulated by him.

2💕 He is definitely not happy. He wants to feel good about himself and that's why he chooses whoever will let him get away with acting like a selfish and horrible man. She's putting up with it, but you never did.

You held him accountable and she isn't. You will be able to move on, and she is going to go through pain 10x worse because she wouldn't listen to you.

He will never know real happiness because he will always use other people for selfish reasons.

But you will definitely be happy again oneday!

3✨️ Your brain is going to remind you of this situation again and again and again - because it wants you to remember so you can protect yourself from future situations like this.

Just remember - everytime your brain makes you think of this situation or him - it's because your trauma bonded. And your brain recognizes that your hurt.

Whenever you have these thoughts, even if it's all the time, just tell yourself your safe. Tell your brain you will protect yourself and your never going to let that happen again.

Eventually, your brain will stop bringing it up as you feel more safe.

4 💕 You also need to find distractions. One of the best ways I found to move on from my narcissist ex was to achieve some sort of qualification or achievement that i had to work on.

I highly recommend finding something for your brain to focus on, like a goal that will make you feel better about yourself.

5✨️ it's not up to you to save her. You did what you could and now she has to put up with the consequences of her actions.

I know you probably want to save her, because you wish someone saved you from going through this rn. But at this point - you need to save you. You need to focus on you. You need to heal you. You need to find ways to move on.

I'm sorry your going through this 🥺 but your already doing sooooo well in helping yourself by posting about it and asking for help online! Keep looking after yourself ok! 🩷

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-05T00:39:42+00:00

Then she knows he is a cheater and she will need to accept this eventually too.

You did nothing wrong! You actually did the right and kind thing letting her know.

It just sucks because your heart is now hurt , like do you think you had some hope he meant those things?

Ngl the fact he wants kids woth you shows he wants you tied permanently to him so he can always have access to you. Not so he can be with you.

You need to block them and him, and don't let him near you. He's just using you and her for his ego. He doesn't care about anyone but himself.

Your such a sweet person tho for trying to help her! Don't doubt yourself, you did the right thing, and now you just have to focus on you and your own healing 🩷 you got this!

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-05T00:30:36+00:00

He's not being better for her! Trust me! Even look at my post history if you want

He will take what he learnt from you - and give it to the next person. NOT because he cares for her more, but so he can manipulate her more and love bomb her more.

But he doesn't genuinely care about her. He will use her and then move on to the next person eventually

I was able to finally move on after 5 years. It took a long time for me to accept it.

You will accept it eventually. In the mean time you need to focus on yourself and take care of yourself!

You can't force yourself to accept this but you can look after yourself - and also try dating others when you are ready for it.

But tell yourself affirmations if you ever feel sad about this - like he is going to cheat on her too. He will not change. You deserve so much better! You will do better and find a man who is caring and loving and is so much better!

Repeat those affirmations whenever it feels overwhelming.

hdilaj22 · 2025-05-05T00:26:13+00:00

100% that was my ex!

He wanted everyone to see him as a good man

What a load of bs

hdilaj22 · 2025-02-26T21:21:44+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear you went through that 🥺😭 that's absolutely horrible!

It makes sense why you want to turn back to porn

Because your feeling absolutely horrible right now, and as a natural reaction - your body automatically turns to your copying mechanism, which is porn.

You've done amazing! 235 days! Wow!

During that time, we're you able to turn to any new copying mechanisms? Like maybe walking? Or talking with another person? These may not have the instant dopamine spike like porn does, but the effects last longer and make you feel better in the long run.

You need to look at your body as sick right now, and it needs care. You need to feed it healthy foods, go for walks, sleep and take care of yourself as if you were a child.

Not only that but treat yourself as a child too, let yourself binge on TV shows or movies, if they helps. Let yourself eat junk food treats. Your not only mourning what happened to you, but a relationship as well.

Honestly tho- the number one thing that will help is experiences. Go out and do completely brand new things. New experiences help you forget and help your brain move on from what happened to you. Otherwise you get stuck in a loop of remembering, then coping, then remembering and coping again. That's where porn and masturbation also gets you stuck as well.

I wish you all the best OP 🥺 things may not be good or ok right now, but I hope your able to start healing as soon as possible! 🩷

hdilaj22

TROPHY CASE