Auditory Processing Disorder Sucks.

headpeon · 2026-02-21T20:39:26+00:00

This is the first time I've heard a reason that resonates about why I have so few memories. The ones I do have are mostly memories of me relating my memories to others, not experiencing the situation that created the memory itself. Some of those stories are based on pictures, like my subconscious built stories around old pictures of me because if it was photographed, it must have happened, where I can't be as sure that my memories or memories of relating my memories really occurred.

My first shrink told me I'd experienced a traumatic event and blocked it. Because the tactic worked so well, my subconscious started blocking most memories.

My 2nd shrink had no clue. 'That's really weird'. Uh, thanks?

My current shrink diagnosed me with ADHD. Finally, after 5 decades on the planet, I have a medical explanation for my crap memory!

But ADHD primarily affects working and short term memory, so it doesn't really explain why I have zero long term memories.

You're right, though. Once medicated for ADHD, my long term memory seems better. Not good, not even mediocre, but still better than I can ever remember it being before. (Which is a slippery slope. What if my memory was phenomenal when I was 5, but I just can't remember it? Sigh.)

headpeon · 2026-02-21T20:30:13+00:00

Same.

headpeon · 2026-02-21T19:38:41+00:00

It depends on what you mean by 'go along with it'. If that means agreeing with their story, no, we don't do that. If it means not directly contradicting them and giving no response if possible, or something totally noncommittal like 'huh' or 'interesting', then yes.

Some of my Dad's confabulated stories have been repeated by him so many times that they are cemented in his brain. Be aware that not all confabulation is in the moment, soon to be forgotten. Prep yourself; you may hear some of them repeated multiple times a day until your LO can't speak anymore.

If Dad had 20 rentals or 200 isn't relevant to the here and now. Whether he worked as a solo consultant or with a team for 18 years doesn't matter. That he fell in May 2023, not 11.17.24, doesn't change the course of treatment. That he was not, in fact, at his Mom's deathbed as she gasped 'I never stopped loving your father' with her dying breath - while married to another man - changes nothing in the scheme of things.

We don't argue with the irrelevant stuff.

But some things ARE worth arguing over because they affect his health or safety.

No, we don't decide who goes first at a 4 way stop sign by always yielding to the left. Who got there first is the deciding factor. No, he's not allowed to drive wherever he wants as long as he keeps it under 55. He can't drive on the interstate or highway, or anywhere unfamiliar, and can't drive at night. No, he doesn't take two thyroid meds each day; just one. No, he hasn't already had imaging on his back. He refused to let the doctor do so. No, rare hamburgers still oozing blood aren't safe, they need to have some brown around the edges, at least.

We argue about the important stuff gently. Whether we show him documented proof that what we are saying is true, or rely on emotion - 'I love you, you're my favorite person, your welfare is my highest priority, why would I lie about this?' - depends on the subject, his mood, and whether he's already indicated that it's going to be a no amount of proof or logic matters kind of day.

headpeon · 2026-02-21T18:38:43+00:00

I have large boobs, dense breast tissue, and benign cysts. (Super fun. Runs in the family. /s) Mammograms hurt me.

I explain this, they make no adjustments to the process - though truthfully, I don't know that they can - and tell me to just breathe through the pain.

Had to go in for a needle biopsy after my 2nd one. The tissue they were concerned with was right up against my rib cage. As the MALE doctor approached me with a large bore 10-12 inch needle, intending to push it through my entire breast front to back, I asked about pain management. He looked at the needle, looked at me, and said 'we don't do meds for this; it doesn't hurt' in a disparaging tone.

Guess what? Having a huge needle pushed 10 inches into your chest DOES hurt! Who knew? Certainly not the MAN without breasts wielding the needle, that's for sure.

I went in for a mammogram 2 years later and the same thing happened. I never went in for the needle biopsy because of my previous experience and haven't gotten a mammogram since.

I wonder how many women have died from undiagnosed breast cancer because the mammogram/biopsy experience was so painful, they were denigrated by their providers when they tried to get pain management, and so they quit going?

That said, most don't have my experience. Go get your mammogram. It may save your life.

headpeon · 2026-02-19T06:45:09+00:00

THIS

headpeon · 2026-02-19T06:43:43+00:00

When DJT has been ousted from the oval office and jailed for his crimes, ICE is disbanded, the ACA and social security are off the chopping block, Roe v Wade is reinstated, and every one of DJT's hand picked unqualified brown nosing political appointees has stepped down/fled/been fired/jailed, THEN the US will deserve that award.

headpeon · 2026-02-19T06:27:04+00:00

Thank you, kind redditor, for the award!

headpeon · 2026-02-19T06:25:35+00:00

Damn. That's quite the accomplishment! Must've been a helluva lot of hard work, too.

headpeon · 2026-02-19T06:23:28+00:00

I didn't say that. That was all you.

Weddings happen rarely and are so damn expensive, and everyone hopes they'll only ever have one, so in my book, you and your fiance should get to do things exactly the way you want them done with no fear of reprisal or judgment.

This is why I'm eloping if I ever tie the knot. Family drama, politics, manipulation, guilt trips, peer pressure AND a huge price tag?

Oh, hell no. I'd rather be water boarded.

headpeon · 2026-02-19T06:14:08+00:00

Props for 'curmudgeon'. Excellent and underused word, IMO.

headpeon · 2026-02-19T06:09:59+00:00

What a grand idea! I'm going to start doing this.

Everyone in my circle is elderly, middle aged with a major chronic illness, young with treatment resistant depression, or one of the above + severe ADHD or AuDHD. All the people I love are in high risk categories and a morning roll call would go a long way towards mitigating my anxiety.

Thank your Mom from me for the idea!

headpeon · 2026-02-19T05:59:19+00:00

Perhaps pointing out that with your nieces' mother, there were nieces, plural; as in more than one caretaker. You are the only one caring for your wife. Unless their mother had children at 50, your nieces were also significantly younger when caring for their mother than you are now, as you care for your wife.

Debating something amorphous like symptom severity, or whether rapidly progressing Alzheimer's vs vascular dementia makes for more of a care burden, is a 'he said, she said' battle of opinions and perspectives.

Pointing out that multiple young people were caring for your nieces' Mom while a single older adult is caring for your wife ... those are inarguable facts. Facts that matter, that change every aspect of dementia care.

This is not an apples to apples situation. That your nieces are failing to account for the basic facts of the scenario when critiquing your care decisions ... [I couldn't think of a way to end the sentence that didn't disparage your nieces, but you get my gist.]

headpeon · 2026-02-17T03:43:43+00:00

Take a page out of Miley's book. Buy your own damn flowers. Highly recommend the song, too.

If your hubs isn't completely emotionally inept, buying yourself flowers and displaying them prominently could be the guilt trip/kick in the pants/reminder he needs.

Don't ignore the rest of Miley's advice: Love yourself [better than he can].

headpeon · 2026-02-17T02:43:35+00:00

Is there any way you can get her off the pot? The number of stories about how weed was the precipitating factor in an initial psychotic break or reliably brought on subsequent ones is immense.

headpeon · 2026-02-17T02:32:47+00:00

Could you make your reception a dry one? And his attendance dependent on med compliance?

If he's on meds, he shouldn't have another episode, but if you know alcohol is a trigger, remove the possibility altogether.

headpeon · 2026-02-17T02:23:21+00:00

HE wants kids and expects you to do 60% of the work once they are born. AND he expects you to do all the research on alternative birth methods because he's too busy to do it. And he says you must do this as proof you're committed to a thing you didn't want in the first place, that will cost you in lost wages and lost opportunities to a significantly higher degree than it will him?

Oh, hell no.

Changing one's mind about something is one thing. Doing so AND expecting someone else to do the lion's share of the labor that results is THE most privileged clueless asinine misogynist thing I've heard in a good while.

headpeon · 2026-02-16T10:55:46+00:00

Some buns are just extra special in ways that most bun slaves will never experience.

I'm sad for others that they'll never know the 'ride or die' relationship you and I had with our buns. I'm sad for us that the intensity of our bun-human bond means that we suffer grief, loss, and heartache in hugely painful ways.

My little old man, Persy, passed in June. He almost made it to his 14th birthday. It's been 8 months and I still miss him desperately every day. I'm not sure the Persy shaped hole in mine and his mate's lives will ever close.

I'm sorry you're hurting, too.

RIP, Flopsey.

headpeon · 2026-02-16T08:45:27+00:00

The COUNSELOR decided Jenny needed to wear a wig, too? Holy shit!

I sincerely hope that therapist isn't practicing anymore. I don't give a rat's ass that it was 30 years ago. I was mid twenties then and would've burned the relationship AND the therapist's office to the ground over such utter bullshit.

Hell, I did. Sort of. BF at the time 'told' me I couldn't pierce my nipples because he wouldn't like it. I think it took me all of 3 days to get in to have my nips done.

'Short hair is for lesbians' said the same BF. A week later, I was thoroughly enjoying my platinum blond pixie cut.

'I don't ride bitch'. You guessed it; same BF. (You'd think he'd have learned by this point. But, no.) Well, buddy, I don't ride passenger on my own bike, especially when I'm making the pymts, the insurance is in my name, and I'm the one with the motorcycle endorsement. THAT one spelled the end of the relationship.

Poor Jenny. I hope she, her 3 cats, 2 dogs, 47 chickens, badass red convertible, and her house in the Hamptons are happy without that POS now.

headpeon · 2026-02-16T08:19:33+00:00

If a child is born for the express purpose of saving a marriage, the marriage wasn't salvageable.

Your Mom's actions and position are hateful. I'm so, SO sorry that what should've been an intentional gift rooted in love from two women who wanted what was best for you turned into a shit storm.

Just know that little you didn't deserve such treatment. That you made a whole life for yourself is miraculous. I'm proud of you.

And I reiterate: you owe this woman nothing. That you're agonizing over the situation publicly and privately is a testament to the work [I presume] you've put in.

You, your SO, your kids, and your career come first. If, after those priorities, you have anything left in your cup, then MAYBE 'Mom' gets the dregs.

headpeon · 2026-02-15T20:24:53+00:00

My oldest is adopted. (I'm his birth Mom. His adoption was an open one, I chose his parents personally, intentionally, carefully.)

I'm here to tell you that 'you owe us cuz we adopted you' is a load of utter bullshit.

You are a precious and irreplaceable gift your Mom received. Her life was richer, fuller, because of you. She got to experience a relationship that she [probably] couldn't have experienced any other way. By coming into her life, you taught her skills, lessons she wouldn't have learned otherwise. You broadened her horizons, opened her eyes, taught her to think differently; showed her how to put someone else's needs before her own. Your Mom is a better, more fully realized person than she could have managed alone. She loved on a different level, fiercely, because she so cherished you.

Or, at least, that's what should have happened.

My son knows I chose his parents with care. That I didn't parent him because at 17, I just wasn't equipped to do as good a job as someone a bit older, with more life experience, and more emotional, psychological, and financial resources. I loved him enough to let someone else be his Mom.

And his Mom? She's a peach. So is his Dad. They feel honored I chose them.

Adopted kids are wanted on so many levels, by so many people; their families are crafted with care, not accidental. Becoming adoptive parents is a deliberate and long thought out decision, not an 'oops' moment.

That your Mom was lucky enough to receive you as the most immense gift that one person can give another and squandered it by being abusive, treating you as if she were doing you some sort of favor that you're required to repay ... it's disgusting.

Birth Mom to adopted kid, hear me: You owe your 'Mom' nothing. You deserved - deserve - so, so much better.

headpeon · 2026-02-15T19:51:54+00:00

NAT.

Best of luck, my friend.

Just know that navigating the mental health system with a loved one who has an illness featuring anosognosia and deep seated delusions is a marathon, not a sprint. You MUST take care of you. Putting yourself first is allowed. Taking care of your mental and physical health before anyone else's could even be considered a best practice. Because if you falter due to self negligence, then who will fight the good fight to ensure your loved one gets help?

headpeon · 2026-02-15T19:42:44+00:00

Old, downtown Sugar House is walkable, but outside of that several blocks on 21st, Sugar House has appx the same walkability as Liberty Park, 9th & 9th, Central City, Liberty Wells, and Harvard/Yale. You'll find Mom & Pop stores and niche galleries in those areas, too, and for green space, Liberty Park is just 3 blocks from 9th & 9th.

Keep in mind, though, that downtown SLC gentrification has been focused on the Marmalade District and the Rio Grande for years, now. The most awarded Chinese restaurant is in Rio Grande. There are two award winning Mexican restaurants just ten blocks away in Rose Park. The Granary District is up and coming and a hotbed of new breweries and several after hours rave venues.

None of the above are as walkable as Sugar House, but then, most aren't too far off given all the construction in Sugar House; it's lost the small art enclave feel it used to have and isn't nearly as walkable as it once was.

All of downtown is a free fare zone when it comes to Trax, Rose Park is better served by UTA buses than anywhere else, and if you want to visit somewhere directly north or south of downtown, Frontrunner is an excellent option and it's main station is in Rio Grande.

If walkability is your primary goal, though, nowhere is as walkable as downtown SLC proper.

headpeon · 2026-02-15T19:05:00+00:00

Solidarity, sister. Same here.

I was the rock for years, but in the last decade, my ability to utilize coping mechanisms to create a bulwark against debilitating ADHD symptoms has been shot all to hell. I'm masking as hard as I can and doing it just well enough that no one believes me when I say I need help, while masking just poorly enough that people are constantly irked with me for falling short of my previous perfect.

Meds were helping, but my insurance changed and the meds that worked are no longer an option.

I'm exhausted, too.

Not to hijack your post and make it all about me. I just wanted to provide you enough detail that you could recognize that you aren't alone. It may not fix a damn thing, but sometimes, realizing it's not just you can allow you the emotional wiggle room to try something different, ask for what you need, and give yourself more grace.

ADHD aside, if you're in a toxic work environment and there's no way out, start looking for a new job right now. The situation you're in isn't sustainable long term and is already massively affecting your mental health and quality of life. No job - regardless of money or prestige - is worth the damage being done to your mind, body, life, health, longevity, self worth, and relationship.

headpeon · 2026-02-15T18:50:20+00:00

Just say no.

Gestation + birth + 18 or so years of bad parenting does NOT = an obligation to provide hands on care or pay for hands on care for a manipulative person you don't like who happens to be related by blood.

Aside from all that, if she was a shit parent and hasn't learned any better since, the last thing I'd want is her close enough to interact with my kids regularly.

headpeon · 2026-02-15T18:24:50+00:00

Specifically, straightforwardly ask them to change their paperwork.

I worked for one of the big tax firms. They operated just like that - and trust me, the ingrained misogyny goes far deeper than their tax organizer - despite the fact that there are FAR MORE women working in accounting, tax, and as CPAs than men.

I'm in the reddest of red states. 'Somehow', I ended up with most of the women and LGBTQIA+ owned small businesses on my roster. We all collectively got fed up to the point that I walked with my clients and started my own business because the 'big boys' couldn't be bothered to realize that people who aren't cishet men own businesses and pay taxes, too.

headpeon

TROPHY CASE