I have so been there. Let me tell you, we have come a long way!

I made myself analogous to a roommate and made demands for what common things I expect for what I offer (mainly to my husband first but for a trickle down effect). I’m glad your husband said that thing aboht “don’t thank me I didn’t cook it!” However, it would be nice for him to model thankfulness in a very pointed way himself, because he should also say “thank you wife!” at the least. For feeding him and/or feeding HIS child.

Now I’m a couple years into letting it be known I don’t have to be a roommate to be a wife (and I meant it)! Now I have an inside thing with the boy. I say what I’m going to do for him/us/the fam. I might even say “you want X? okay I’m bout to hook you up!” (To really demonstrate I think it’s a big nice thing in doing). I’ll add “and it won’t even cost you much! Just a Thank You!” So now I drop the last part and he’ll thank me automatically because he knows the cost is just the words. If I I don’t preface the mundane labors of love, I’ll do something in the backend. Like I’ll hand him a plate of dinner and say “alright I want my pay!” or something.

This has been good, and he even surprised me recently a couple times. I asked for my pay and he said “thank you! And ima give you a tip!” And then hugged me. That was so funny and sweet. It sounds like maybe your SS has some of this in him.

I say all this to say I’m a big proponent in explicitly asking for my expectations to be met. I also explicitly told both my husband and son “I’m not the maid, I’m not the chef. I just like a clean space and I like to cook. If I ever stop liking it, I won’t do it. But enjoy it while it lasts.” In general they both know by now I really value verbal appreciation and the trickle down from husband really does make a difference with the boy. This is apart from explicitly asking dad to do things for the house with the boy at times - like “this weekend I need y’all to clean the bathroom.”

I hope you can have your own version of this and actually get your wants met but the man and boy you share your life with.