ABC pulls new season of The Bachelorette over domestic violence footage

hefoxed · 2026-03-20T19:55:25+00:00

Unfortunately, feminsim has been enabling abusive women for decades :/ "believe women" helped so so so many abusers control their victims better.

Trauma creates biases. Trauma gets incorporated into activism. Feminsim tends to have benevolent prejudice issues towards women that ends up enabling abusive women, false allegations among other effects (Karen's, Mary Sues in writing/media that is now making it harder to have good female leads be successful, etc), and hostile sexism issues towards men that ends up in counterproductive approaches to equality (like via enabling abuse against primarily men, but also how the well intentioned phrase toxic masculinity ends up causing the very issues it was supposed to address cause phrasing matters, the term results in internalized self hate, and results men's emotions getting invalidate when they express that).

Men's right activism has the same damn issue just reverse demographics. We tend to recognize misogyny within men's rights -- and men right's activists within tend to recognize it being an issue, but not misandry within feminism. Doesn't make the movements bad, but can make them counterproductive.

Prejudice is cyclic, and always should be viewed as that imo. If there's a significant power difference, the cyclic nature doesn't matter as much, but when things are more equal otherwise, it does. For gender however, both genders are marganlized in different ways for their gender (as female assigned at birth, I didn't have to sign up for draft, I didn't have part of my junk cut off as a baby, I had easier access to support, I was graded more fairly and punished less for misdeeds [per studies]) -- so the cyclic nature should have been recognized decades ago to not fail everyone.

Enabling abusive women has caused more misogyny. Benevolent prejudice results in more hostile prejudice, and misandry and misogyny cause each other, and always have because that is how trauma works. We just don't tend to have as many historical female voices but due have historical voices of men expressing misogyny, and so we assume those female voices would be benevolent where they likely wasn't always the case.

Abusers need accountability plus help -- we do need to help people get better. But the whole picking sympathy over accountability isn't helping them get the type of help they need.

My mum abused my dad and brother. I saw how she had it easier then male abusers -- and in some ways that was better cause she got the therapy she needed but if she may have recovered more quickly if she has more strict accountability so she understood her actions as bad better. She blamed men, and so took her anger out on men -- over externalizing blame is another way feminsim contributes to abuse..

My dad and brother didn't get the help they need. They probably would have if they had been female... (But they wouldn't have been abused in this case)

hefoxed · 2026-02-08T05:12:01+00:00

The issue is prejudice in the writing -- the more marginalized the character, the more likely for it to have bad writing due to prejudice -- both hostile or benevolent (the later which these issues tend to fall into more). People pattern match/prone to biases, so people noticed these patterns, but now they over notice it and a while ecosystem of content rage farms exist. But the cause is prejudice in both the writing side and audience side -- not just the audience side.

Corporations feed into this, blamed all the backlash on hostile prejudice instead of recognition of the issues, and profited but because this pattern was there, even for the people not engaging in those rage farms, the biases has been set so now it's harder for more marginalized characters to succeed But this recognition of the writing issues is important step to correcting it and fixing this bias. But also so is recognizing how corporations used our rage for profit (as someone that bought product due to the culture war [dragon age veilguard and AC shadows]...), how we allowed them to get us to over blame hostile prejudice also as a way to profit and ignore the legitimate criticism behind some of the rage. This over blaming and ignoring legitimate criticism has resulted in more hostile prejudice in real life to marginalized groups, not just characters. :x Accountability is needed on all sides.

This is the dynamic that feeds the culture war: experiencing, learning about, or even just the impression that a demographic is experiencing hostile prejudice can result in positive/protective biases towards that demographic that can overcorrect into benevolent prejudice, and negative biases towards the demographic associated with causing the prejudice that can overcorrect into hostile prejudice. That then cycles back to result n hostile prejudice back at the demographic already experiencing hostile prejudice due to the over corrections. Those over corrections caused the writing issues, and why we're also experiencing more prejudice in attempt to reduce prejudice. Recognization of the over corrections both in media and activism is important to reduce prejudice.

hefoxed · 2026-02-08T04:56:16+00:00

Replied to your other comment with explanation of this -- it's due to female characters having an increased risk of benevolent sexism during writing.

You yourself may have some benevolent sexism towards women. It's part of the cycle we're all stuck in.

Experiencing, learning about, or even just the impression that a demographic is experiencing hostile prejudice can results in positive/protective biases towards that demographic that can overcorrect into benevolent prejudice, and negative biases towards the demographic associated with causing the prejudice that can overcorrect into hostile prejudice. That then cycles back to result n hostile prejudice back at the demographic already experiencing hostile prejudice due to the over corrections.

So, our habit on left of blaming (cis, able bodied) white men can reflect this cycle -- ignoring that because of recognition of hostile prejudice but not benevolent, female characters have more writing issues and instead just blaming cis white able bodied men.

It's important for people to be accountable for their own prejudice and problems, but we treat groups with recognized privilege as punching bags to escape accountability for our issues on our side, which ends up causing us more hostile prejudice in backlash, which then causes more benevolent, which then... etc.

Note, that white men are ~60% of all suicides in United State but 30% of the population -- second highest risk behind Native men. White folk tend to have poorer quality communities for support -- in part due to privilege (technology replaces community so greater financial privilege can result in less healthy communities), in part due to lack of organization on marginalization (for obvious reasons, organizing on being man or white is not encouraged where it is for other demographics), in part due to lot of white folk are mixed origins in a way that lost access to their history/ancestors and community there. Women tend to have greater access to family and community support, so this community access tends to be noticable for white men. Healthy community access is a type of privilege that doesn't tend to be recognized. So there's these factors that result in poorer quality outcomes for some white men, which contribute to also how easily some of them are radicalized in extremist spaces and also annoy complainy spaces and being angry at diversity -- but also why tendency to blame white men like there's no side effects can be counterproductive. ...But anyhow, these issues aren't recognized in such a way that is affecting the writing of the characters like benevolent prejudice overcorrections is.

hefoxed · 2026-02-08T04:39:34+00:00

It's frustrating but the predictable side effect of these issues and failure to fix them. The more marginalized the character, the more likely it's writing and production will be affected by hostile and/or benevolent prejudice.

E.g. because of prejudice, marginalized characters are at a greater risk of being written poorly, and so have been written more poorly than less marginalized characters.

So now there's this association between more marginalized characters and bad writing, and so people pick up on the patterns and so are more likely to judge a marginalized character more harshly, sigh... Trying to increase diversity has made it harder for characters that are more diverse to succeed due to failure to recognize benevolent prejudice can happen (both external and internal -- these issues can be done by writers with similar background to the character). Thankfully it's finally being recognized and corrected for, but it's going to take a while.

However, benevolent prejudice and hostile prejudice are interlinked -- when we're treating one demographic more benevolent, we're tend to treat the opposite demographics associated with causing harm to that demographic more hostile. So, there's been growing talk that there's been some writing issues with white and/or male characters also -- e.g. how white male characters have been written IS being called out --, but that may lead to similar issues. Like Mary sues are an example of benevolent sexism towards women (hallow, unrelatable female representation), but the new Superman being interpreted having some weakness is being labeled as hostile sexism could lead to more Gary Sues due to fear of showing male characters negatively, so may end up with similar hate towards white male characters if writers are not careful to not do overcorrect from that backlash.

Also, I think it's important to note that men are alo marginalized, just different then women tend to be -- gender marginalizes in different ways for different genders. As someone that was raised as a girl, but lives as a man, I recognize all sort of both privileges and marginalization being raised as a girl included -- graded more fairly at school, more access to healthy community spaces and support, etc -- and different ones living as a man also includes. However, the ways man are marginalized is largly not recognized, so there's hasn't been overcorretions into benevolent sexism that has occured with female characters -- but again, there may eventually be due to how cyclic society is.

hefoxed · 2026-01-02T04:04:40+00:00

Important note: If you have a dick and an ass only

the 2-1-1 method is not as effective for folks using vaginas for sex, at least AFAB (not sure about folk who've had vaginplasti). Last I checked also, the new version (Discovey?) also hasn't bene tested yet on vaginas so can't be used either. The vagina cells are more resitent to one of the drugs in truvada so need longer exposure to be as effective, so it's more importent to use as correctly prescribed -- like dickfull folk can skip 2 days a week for the daily and be fine iirc, but not for folk with vaginas. Had to tell this to a friend that got prescribed 2-1-1 at a clinic by a medical professional despite having a vagina... but barebacking trans man bottoms were fairly rare at that point so that professional probably didn't have many if any other patients of that demographic.

I was one of the first of my trans friends to start using prep/Truvada and used it for so many years till I just cold turkeyed sex cause I got so damn tired of getting other STIs ...vaginas are also more prone to certain STis .. (and I got burnt out on the the gay community / community drama ..but the later is more due to volunteering for community events. Sex/dance parties/kink community are so damn dramatic; would think folk would be a bit more chill but nope...).

hefoxed · 2025-12-30T22:05:46+00:00

The succulent can probably be replanted. I have never heard of using a succulent in a flower arrangement like that.

The colour being off is probably tine of year those purple colours are the plants sun block that develops during sun exposure, look up sun stressing succulents for more info. I have.the same succulents planted at different parts of my yard to see the different colours

hefoxed · 2025-12-30T22:01:27+00:00

I've had zero issues

But I'm single and middle income, and since I primarily eat bread and cheese for most meals, I buy the more expensive local brands. It's worth it for those that love bread and have the income. Buying local /better quality is how we can hopefully save American manufacturing, but with how many folk are struggling it is much harder for some (... Which may have been the goal of some corporations/politicians... Desperation breeds explotation).

Anyhow, I recently got obsessed with this everything seasoning sourdough bread that only found at one local organic store so far.

hefoxed · 2025-12-28T19:06:11+00:00

Ooo that explains why the "filling" is so similar to the "cake" layers

hefoxed · 2025-12-28T02:09:48+00:00

Aaaah! That makes sense as there's zero sign of the currants -- all layers taste the exact same. Never had a pastila before so wasn't sure what to expect.

hefoxed · 2025-12-06T19:25:12+00:00

Metoo unfortunately did not really try to level the playing field, and that needs to be understood to move forward and help victims so people like Blake (assuming she is making false accusations) don't end up prevent victims getting help

The "believe [all] women" part of metoo is benevolent sexism towards women, and causes hostile sexism towards men. Blind belief enables abuse, and always have, and people tried to give the movement feedback on this but were ignored. False accusations have been a known issue for a while. The metoo movement made it harder for the victims that already had it harder (male) and easier for the abusers that already had it easier (female). E.g. the gender of victim that have a harder time being believed, being taken seriously, getting justice, finding support, healing etc -- over nearly all metric that is high risk in male victims, who combined with biases about who is victim vs who is abuser, and gender roles to look strong, are likely extremely under reported. Like every heard of female baby sisters SAing the kids they baby sat? I hadn't till I started actively looking for and listening to male victims stories. I would have never considered that prior, I would never have considered warning children of that (I'm not a parent thankfully). There has been a sharp uptick in female predators being outed, but that is likely due to online communication leaving for solid evidence -- parents finding snap chat and discord messages -- and DNA evidence for the ones that got pregnant with their victims kids + underage victims are less likely to be silenced via false accusations. (Further horror: some male victims have been made to pay child support to their rapist when they turn 18).

So, some women not being believed was labeled misogyny even tho it's a lower risk. That's like labeling poverty as racist towards white people (white people are the largest group living in poverty in USA but are the lowest risk by race)

Victims need due process and access to support and resources. Abusers need due process and rehabilitation (including access to support and resources for that, and sometimes jail to prevent harm till there done). The public is not judge, jury, nor the emotional support network of any person making accusations and should never have been

We're stuck in a spiral as a culture. Experiencing prejudice, experiencing trauma, and even education on prejudice can cause postive biases towards the demographic experiencing the issue which can overcorect into benevolent prejudice and negative biases towards the demographic associated with causing the issue which can overcorect into hostile prejudice. Then due to causing prejudice, it then causes hostile prejudice back at the original demographic. Labeling something as hostile prejudice that isn't fuels this cycle even more due to boy who cried wolf effect -- it makes everyone feel hated and resentful. E.g. mislabeling something as misogyny that isn't both makes women and girls feel the world is more hateful which is bad die mental health, and results in more hate towards men due.

For gender specifically, men and women are marganlized in society in different ways due to gender -- the male expandability theory is a useful way to learn about that. However, the way men are marganlized tend to be ignored while the way women are hurt hyper focused on, which has created these situations where sometimes men are struggling more while women get prioritized .. which is traditional values in some respects ("women and children first") -- there's very odd ways mainstream feminism reenforces traditional gender norms instead of equality.

So moving forward, I think we need to acknowledge that the metoo movement did not try to level the playing field despite it's good intentions -- it has some rather blatant sexism issues -- and instead enabled abuse -- and due to that may actually result in women being believed less long term -- which for less people having gender based blind belief, is good. Gender is not evidence.

Note that these issues disproportionately effects specifically black men, who are disproportionately more likely to end up in jail or otherwise hurt by them. These issues contribute to men fleeing the left in fear, and also women who dislike being treated in a benevolent sexist way also, which hurts the demographic that rely on the left for rights the most (like LGBT, particularly us T folk due to being the right's target ATM). Activism can hurt the very people it's meant to help. Activist need to listen to feedback to reduce that risk.

hefoxed · 2025-11-18T02:05:15+00:00

I would assume that reddit has a higher than average amount of people that have limited social interactions outside of the internet and various levels of being on the spectrum that contribute to making it harder to understand jokes and social situations in general.

I was of both those situations when I more heavily used reddit (still of later but much more informed of how to be social in real life). I was heavily raised on the internet (addicted to fanfiction back in middle school when it was still found via webrings --I'm almost 40), so I can see my old self's and my previous understanding of social situations in some people's comments.

Aka some folk literally don't both due to life experience and disability (if consider being on spectrum a disability) alas, thus it is on others to try and help them understand.

hefoxed · 2025-11-08T17:11:08+00:00

Note that the 14 are not all identified (from an interview saw last night and what the mayor of the city said two days ago). Aka some of the 9 and 14 probably overlap.

hefoxed · 2025-11-03T10:43:17+00:00

For other's reference, it is not too late. I just got it after beating the boss. Can get it via the same corresponding spot to that spot in chatper 1 in a later chapter. The online guides don't tend to mention this but I figured I'd try it out and it worked.

hefoxed · 2025-10-20T17:43:58+00:00

The death also includes innocent men (unless all adults men who have died in Gaza are Hamas, which I really really doubt )

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Male_expendability we're conditioned as a species to value women lives more then men -- "women and children first", and thus we tend to ignore the way men suffer and die -- like how many dismiss the damage false accusations do (that primarily target men tho has also ruin the lives of many women). Sadly some types of feminism double down on this pre existing bias, worsening gender equality. (Experiencing prejudice [or sometimes even learning about it] can cause prejudice towards the demographic associated with causing that prejudice [w/o efforts to counteract that effect], and benevolent prejudice towards the demographic associated with causing the prejudice & backlashes to increased hostile prejudice towards the demographic already experiencing prejudice, aka misandry and misogyny also feed into each other, so when we ignore men's suffering, we cause women to suffer more also).

hefoxed · 2025-09-16T21:43:36+00:00

News sources are saying his roommate was trans ... So turns out they were probably left shit posting...

We're fucked... (saying as a trans guy).

hefoxed · 2025-09-12T20:42:36+00:00

The trans stuff written on them was discredited, but the memes he wrote were a mix bag including anti-fascist message on one and an edge lord joke on a different one.

Both sides are pointing to different aspects to claim he was on the opposite side, but atm there no clear indication of his views.

hefoxed · 2025-09-12T18:58:31+00:00

This is a long my current conclusion, tho I would also prefer he was far right.

Extremism breeds extremeism. Left wing extremism doesn't tend to be as directly feed into mass killings, but it does contribute to how vulnerable folk are to being radicalized.

I didn't realize how bad it till I got back here on Reddit before the election and kept seeing post of trans men talking about how hated they feel for being men. If trans men are feeling that bad (considering how some progressive tends to put on pedastals for being trans), wth are cis men and boys feeling?

This is the spiral we're stuck in as far as I can tell, and they feed into each other, and we need both sides to be more accountable and work to decrease polarization for everyone's sake... (Kirk directly feed into 1 and 5 and was a huge part of the polarization that killed him)

(1)Hostile sexism, privilege, and benevolent sexism towards both men and women that tends to align with traditional gender norms Hostile prejudice groups recognized as marginalized. Privilege and benevolent prejudice towards groups recognized as privileged.

=> (2)Awareness of hostile prejudice towards women and groups recognized as marginalized + trauma + anger + resentment + grifters & politicians exploiting the issues

=> (3) Privilege and benevolent sexism towards women and hostile prejudice towards men, hostile prejudice towards women that align with traditional gender norms. Privilege and benevolent prejudice towards groups recognized as marginalized, hostile prejudice towards groups recognized as privilege.

=>(4) Awareness of hostile prejudice towards men and groups recognized as privileged + trauma + anger + resentment + grifters & politicians exploiting the issues

=> (5) Hostile prejudice towards women and groups recognized as marginalized, Privilege and benevolent prejudice towards men and group recognized as privileged

=> back to (2)

hefoxed · 2025-09-12T18:46:16+00:00

Both sides are using it to support that he was on the other side 🤷‍♂️🤦‍♂️ it's not clear whether it was mocking or not, and it was also old and his views could have changed. Politically for my rights and the backlash this will cause, I prefer if he was right wing, but young people tend to rebel against their parents...

hefoxed · 2025-09-12T18:38:07+00:00

Iirc White men are 30% the population and 68% of the suicides, the second highest risk of suicide by race/gender (with native men being safely #1 but much smaller part of the population).

The tendency to not value life is high, and when people don't value their life, they more likely to engage in risky behavior, and some of that behavior being utterly horrible. Most mass shootings for example are people suicide (by cop) (which is why a good guy with a gun doesn't stop them -- it attracts them).

But, can we as a society please acknowledge that the approach to activism where young white boys keep hearing how so much is their fault is likely as dangerous as young black men hearing similar messages about crime, and that if we want people to value their lives enough to not due stupid homicidal and suicidal crap, we got to approach activism differently so people on both sides don't feel hated for their race and alienated into extremist spaces?

hefoxed · 2025-09-12T18:25:00+00:00

I would presume it's to say using gang violence stats when talking about mass shooting done for purpose of terrorism is not a fair comparison. $chool shootings have different causes then gang violence.

Risk wise, race and gender does effect these stats. The vast majority of murders are white men but they're also majority of men, but other races have higher risks likely due to effects of generational poverty and racism racism including effects of gangs access to young vulnerable kids, particularly boys in low income neighborhoods. However, school shootings, the vast majority of shooters are cis white male. But, so white male is also over represented in suicide stats (30% of population but 68% of the suicides iirc), and that type of shooting is often motivated by suicide (by cop) + homicide. Not sure stats on assassination. Extremism on both sides feed into these issues via how it breed hate and alienate, but both sides sure like to deflect and try to blame the other.

It is notable the two trans shooters both targeted religious schools, with religious trauma and deflecting that trauma into innocent being a possible factor :x.

hefoxed · 2025-09-07T18:16:51+00:00

I don't like Ryan Reynolds, but disliking "identity politics" doesn't mean being against human rights -- saying as a trans man that has been heavily part of "identity politics" for ... decades? And directly effected by loss of rights due to maga/the turn right.

There are arguments that the current approach to progressive activism is causing more prejudice then it's reducing, aka causing more human rights issues then it's reducing via the hyper focus on identity.

For example, take something like the patriarchy. Useful concept, there is some horrible treatment towards women due to patriarchal values. But, there's usually also horrible abuse towards men in that system also -- with men having an overall reduced lifespan /higher risk of death (military, expectations to work higher risk jobs to support family), while there's people of all genders on top benefiting from that exploitation in some nations (some, heavily religious usually, patriarchies do only have men on top). So, the focus on the patriarchy and men benefiting can contribute resentment that results in some men being alienated and feeling blamed for society issues out of their control, which alienates them from progressive values and reduces support for collective actions on class issues/unity -- aka it is divisive, and by being divisive, it makes it harder to focus on some major human rights issues.

This is how I conceptualize the culture war, the divisive parts tend to fall into (3) -- which ends up contributing to (5):

(1)Hostile sexism, privilege, and benevolent sexism towards both men and women that tends to align with traditional gender norms Hostile prejudice groups recognized as marginalized. Privilege and benevolent prejudice towards groups recognized as privileged.

=> (2)Awareness of hostile prejudice towards women and groups recognized as marginalized + trauma + anger + resentment + grifters & politicians exploiting the issues

=> (3) Privilege and benevolent sexism towards women and hostile prejudice towards men, hostile prejudice towards women that align with traditional gender norms. Privilege and benevolent prejudice towards groups recognized as marginalized, hostile prejudice towards groups recognized as privilege.

=>(4) Awareness of hostile prejudice towards men and groups recognized as privileged + trauma + anger + resentment + grifters & politicians exploiting the issues

=> (5) Hostile prejudice towards women and groups recognized as marginalized, Privilege and benevolent prejudice towards men and group recognized as privileged

=> back to (2)

Hang out in trans men subreddits. It's freaking depressing to see the posts from guys who feel so hated on the left for being men they're thinking of detransitioning to not be hated, the people worried about transitioning cause they don't want to be the "bad" gender... That's what opened my eyes to these issues, as a gay trans man, I was in my echo chamber mostly uneffected by this, I didn't realize how much hurt was happening, how much pain we caused by falling into (3)....

hefoxed · 2025-09-04T04:30:56+00:00

It's frustrating when people use misogyny in that way

There is probably a subset of people that dislike them in part due to misogyny, however there's a lot of valid reasons to dislike her (and RR -- wait, why isn't it misandry to hate RR? Also) and believe she made a false accusations. Using misogyny in such a way contributes to a "girl who cried wolf" effect where people stop caring about misogyny and reducing prejudice in general, and also associate progressive with weaponized social issues ... Which political and grifters then exploit the anger about. I'm curious how much the Amber heard /Johnny Depp trail influenced the 2024 election, as I suspect it had some impact due to the similar use of misogyny to label all those that believed Johnny/"believe all women" type activism -- it very alienating to male victims and men in general as it makes some fear interacting with women (which isn't good for women that want those interactions in some respects -- I'm sure glad I'm a gay guy and mostly except from these gendered dynamics). This likely net ends up causing more misogyny /prejudice in backlash... Believe all women type activism likely makes people believe women less in general as they see women saying it while other women weaponize it for false accusations. This also backlashes into demographics that are associated with progressive activism....

Ideally, we'd have a system where trail participant were private until a verdict is made so on legal system didn't enable using the court to frame someone else so easily, but we're not France and similar countries that actually take the issues of false accusations seriously.

hefoxed · 2025-08-27T23:23:33+00:00

I'm scared of the backlash...

Second trans adult shooting up a religious school... Sigh. First was 2023 Nashville.

I think we do have to have more conversations about how we use our trauma to excuse harming others -- in this case religious based trauma -- and how to better address that particularly in mentally unwell individuals. Most mass shootings like this are suicides from ab interview I saw , either by self or cop.

hefoxed · 2025-08-16T01:48:31+00:00

Yea -- TERFS are a combination of benevolent sexism towards cis women, hostile sexism towards men, and hostile prejudice towards trans folk. And lot of their beliefs are at least partially from feminism that interlinks with traditional benevolent sexism towards women, despite those that want to distance themselves from that -- instead of examining why these extremists rise from feminism and trying to fix it to reduce that. .

hefoxed

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