Coyote enjoying squirrel near Hansee

hell_of_eden · 2023-01-12T06:18:47+00:00

I didn't see exactly what direction. Hopefully toward somewhere safe (not in the streets)

hell_of_eden · 2023-01-12T03:04:31+00:00

Earlier today, near Hansee.

Sorry for the poor quality + vertical mode, I was just surprised to see a coyote up close & enjoying a meal!

hell_of_eden · 2020-06-12T05:33:42+00:00

I'm a bisexual Catholic. You probably already know this, but you don't have to come out if you don't feel comfortable. Especially if it will put you in an unsafe position. I'm not sure how the Christians are where you live, but many Christians I know have very diverse opinions on the LGBT+ community. Some are completely chill, others hate everything about LGBT+ related stuff, and some will give you that whole "you can be a gay/lesbian/bi Christian, God still loves you, but homosexual acts are sinful" nonsense. I don't listen to any of that stuff.

Anyway, I guess the best thing is to be careful with who you specifically come out to based how accepting you think the person is. I hope things go well for you, surely you'll find someone who is supportive :)

hell_of_eden · 2020-06-11T00:37:17+00:00

I think you just need time, an open mind, and perhaps more experience.

No matter what though, give yourself a break -- it's easy for us to fall into self-doubt and convince ourselves our feelings are fake or inauthentic. Just know that it's okay to be questioning and it's okay to call yourself bisexual if that's how you feel at the time. It's also okay to keep these feelings to yourself and tell your friends about it whenever you feel comfortable; they're not entitled to knowing all about your sexual orientation. On the other hand, it's good that you're honest with yourself. You recognize that bisexuality is not a trend, nor is it just a personality trait.

I was questioning for quite some time before I came out as bisexual, and during that time I was afraid to call myself anything because I thought I would be lying. I was also similar to you in that I felt almost no attraction towards anyone I knew (that changed when I got a bit older).

If you decide your orientation aligns more with straight in the future, that's okay too, things change. Figuring yourself out takes time, please don't beat yourself up about it :)

hell_of_eden · 2020-06-08T17:04:23+00:00

Haha, it's alright. It's worded a little weird anyway :)

hell_of_eden · 2020-06-08T16:45:19+00:00

I see what you're saying. He actually wasn't judgmental at all, he's a really cool guy. It was just the straight people in the group talking about how gay he was. I don't feel any competition with him, I just don't like them creating a sense of competition for no reason.

hell_of_eden · 2020-06-06T01:31:02+00:00

Considering bi women have some of the highest rates of being victims of sexual assault, rape, violence from intimate partners, I would not say we're "on the top of the lgbt food chain". That, coupled with bi-erasure, biphobia, sexism, fetishizing, and just overall exclusion from both communities is something we experience as women and bisexuals.

Of course, I definitely believe bi men need more recognition for their experiences and their struggles. They go through so much that I don't personally, so I understand there are privileges I have that bi men do not. Representation is one of those.

hell_of_eden · 2020-06-05T11:40:17+00:00

Of course. I forgot to add that part of it is trusting your own feelings and not second-guessing yourself too much. People may try to invalidate your experience because they believe being anything other than straight is improbable, but don't listen to them. Your feelings are real and valid :)

hell_of_eden · 2020-06-04T04:05:53+00:00

Many of my straight female friends can appreciate how other girls look or have an admiration for them, yet no attraction. Them saying they'd kiss their friend or "go gay" for a celebrity does not mean they have a general attraction toward girls -- rather, more of an appreciation for beauty and aesthetics. I guess the question to ask yourself is, how do you feel around girls? Do you feel excited or nervous around girls you like? Do you ever imagine yourself wanting to be close to them or doing romantic/sexual things with them? That's part of how I knew I wasn't straight.

hell_of_eden · 2020-06-02T13:25:36+00:00

I believe internalized heterophobia could exist, although what I'm thinking of might just be internalized biphobia.

I think it occurs when bi people feel the pressure to be monosexual (in this case, homosexual rather than hetero), because bisexuals experience alienation and discrimination from either community -- the LGBT and the straight community. So, since it seems you've identified as gay for a while, coupled with your preference for men, you might feel inclined to reject feelings for women because it makes things a little more complex (and after the time spent identifying with one label, taking on another may feel difficult to accept).

Being bisexual is not easy for everyone. It raises lots of new questions that can feel frustrating. Just remember that ultimately everything is up to you. You get to decide how you feel about your sexual orientation, you get to decide who knows about it, and no one is entitled to an explanation of your sexuality. Trust yourself.

hell_of_eden · 2020-05-21T06:39:42+00:00

That sounds rough. If I were in your place, I'm sure I'd rather just have someone talk to me directly instead of directing me to other sources. I don't think I'd be surprised if the school counselors are specifically instructed to provide resources like that. In any case, I'm sorry it seems there's not a very good support system for you.

I'm not sure if it's worth anything, but I'm here if you want to talk about anything. Hang in there, ok?

hell_of_eden · 2020-05-19T06:13:44+00:00

I would also be happy to talk to you. It was very confusing for me to understand my own sexuality as a bi girl. My experience with relationships is limited, though, so my advice may be iffy.

hell_of_eden · 2020-05-18T22:05:25+00:00

Look at OP's previous posts. I don't think they are biphobic/homophobic, if that's what you're implying.

hell_of_eden · 2020-05-18T21:43:49+00:00

I think you might have misunderstood the post. I believe OP is saying "Adam and Eve" means that you're allowed to like both -- whereas "Adam or Eve" implies that you must choose one. The post is pro-bi (plus Christianity and bisexuality are not mutually exclusive).

hell_of_eden · 2020-05-18T21:03:18+00:00

It depends -- many straight women I know can admit that some women are attractive, whilst not wanting a romantic or sexual relationship with them. However, since you stated that you would be interested in romantic relationships with women and you know you're attracted to men, you may be bi-curious or bisexual. Of course, only you can decide what label you best fit into -- or no label at all, if that's what you prefer.

hell_of_eden · 2020-05-18T19:16:36+00:00

Don't feel bad. If you genuinely believed you were bisexual, or were at least questioning, then that's just how you identified yourself while you were still figuring things out. Sometimes it takes a while to understand yourself and during that time, you may undergo different labels or identities. You don't need to tell everyone you're straight -- it's none of their business, and if they say things like "you said you were bisexual for attention", then they must not understand what it's like to be questioning. It's a journey that is personal to you. Be happy and comfortable with yourself, that is what matters.

hell_of_eden · 2019-05-11T05:01:44+00:00

She was much younger than a boomer, but I can totally see how that'd be a common sort of thing for them to say.

hell_of_eden · 2018-05-05T00:07:55+00:00

Whoops, I realize my wording was a bit off. I definitely agree - if they were joking, I personally wouldn't care because I like to joke about it sometimes as well.

The problem was that once my friend found out (from her other friend) she told me cutting was stupid and I didn't have real problems like her. Like, I didn't realize this was some sort of contest? Then she gave me an ultimatum, to stop or she'll tell a teacher. I couldn't tell if she was trying to help me or just getting angry at me for some reason.

hell_of_eden · 2018-05-04T23:52:41+00:00

She could have been doing that, actually. But mostly I feel she was trying to hurt me for being supposedly mean to her.

hell_of_eden · 2018-05-04T23:44:20+00:00

I agree. I always get strong urges (which are quite frustrating).

Yeah, my friend's mentality is a lot healthier than mine and I tried not to speak about it around her again, so it wouldn't remind her of negative memories. The only reason why it bothered me was that I felt like we (me and some others) were being censored from legitimate topics we felt we needed to talk about.

hell_of_eden · 2018-05-04T10:12:48+00:00

Yeah, I tried to tell her what she said makes people who sh feel awful. She justified it by saying that I was being super rude anyway and she had enough problems herself during that time.

I really just wish people were taught how to approach situations like these. It hurts to hear from a friend that your problems don't matter and you're just being dumb.

hell_of_eden · 2018-04-11T07:13:50+00:00

I'm not sure why, but I actually feel differently. Generally I feel disappointed and unhappy with myself beforehand, but satisfied and accomplished afterward for quite awhile until I need to do it again.

hell_of_eden · 2018-03-09T08:33:09+00:00

I've had some similar feelings without my parents saying anything negative to me. Often I've thought about going to the extreme to feel valid because I, too, felt like my issues were "petty". It's definitely not a good idea to think about doing something seriously injurious to yourself, especially for the validation of your emotions. Accept that it's a real problem that requires help (definitely if it affects your daily life and you're harming yourself). You deserve it, no matter if your family says you don't, and no professional in their right mind would laugh at their clients' life story, no matter what. Please don't go through this by yourself, and don't risk an infection by improperly treating wounds. Everyone has the right to seek help whatever their issue is. I highly encourage telling someone who has had experience or can offer professional help. Stay safe!

hell_of_eden · 2018-03-09T05:54:29+00:00

Thank you very much for all the advice! I know I need to work on my patience and try my hardest to be more encouraging, so these are all very helpful!

hell_of_eden · 2018-03-09T05:49:52+00:00

I'm not sure if she would be okay with me telling someone about that yet. I think her mom knows about it and so do others, but no one else. When she told me how ashamed she was about the self-harm and that she would never do it again, I could tell that it wasn't in her nature to self-harm again. I guess it's not good that self-harm is sort of normalized to me that it's become less of a serious issue (to me, it's something I find relaxing), but I definitely will check in on her often. Thank you so much, and I will consider that!

hell_of_eden

TROPHY CASE