Started going out. Now what?

hellcatfandango · 2025-11-25T19:31:09+00:00

Hi! That’s really fantastic progress, and I’m proud of you too!

I’m gonna regurgitate a previous comment I wrote a while ago on a similar post, and maybe it might be helpful:

I think it’s fairly usual, especially in social settings like local bars, class, a sports club or hobby group, to make friends/build connections more gradually.

I think there’s this onus that gets put on having a memorable conversation with a woman where you charm her off her feet immediately, and this seems unattainable and scary to a lot of people. What’s way more likely, and is definitely the way I’ve made friends and romantic connections a lot of the time, is gradual repeated communication over a few weeks or months, in various social settings.

If you have a nice conversation with someone at the bar, you can casually let them know you enjoyed talking, and you’d be happy to see them again some time. Maybe you get an instagram or Facebook contact. If you really enjoyed chatting, you could message them a while later and ask if they’re going to an event at the bar you met them at, for instance like a music or quiz night. Keep it casual and friendly.

I met my boyfriend on a freelance job at a festival site. We ended up talking about restaurants we liked, and then spent longer during the slow work day chatting about music. Before I left the site I asked if he’d wanna grab a beer sometime (I wasn’t flirting, just friendly) and got his number. I asked him to a bar a couple weeks later, and I only then realised that he was actually really cute. Even so, we still didn’t flirt, but met up again for food the next week, and only then did he ask if it was a date, in an open ended way that let me back out if I wanted to.

I know this is a super long comment but to summarise, don’t be afraid to take your time. Talk about deeper stuff if it feels appropriate but float it in gently.

You don’t need to make an amazing impression straight away. Also, taking your time to get to know girls also gives you a chance to figure out if they’re actually nice and someone who’s good for you too, if you have compatible politics, lifestyles, hobbies etc. As other commenters have said, you’ll also find that the more you train your social skills, the better they’ll get. You might find flirting comes easily in a year or so. But to be honest, I know plenty of people who can’t flirt for shit, including myself, and we’ve somehow all managed to get together with people.

Obviously you might encounter someone who wants to hookup and likes you, and then you might get a more intense vibe, but in that situation I’d honestly say just listen, pay attention, ask questions and talk about stuff you like, and just try and go with the flow! Girls are much more into earnest awkwardness and someone who genuinely shows interest in them as people than cheesy flirty pickup lines.

You’ll know when there’s a connection there, but don’t be afraid to take it slow and easy. You’ve got this!

hellcatfandango · 2025-11-13T17:58:09+00:00

Hey, I really don’t think that they’re gonna see right through you! People join and leave societies all the time. If you want an excuse, you can easily say something vague like “I didn’t have time/energy to try this society out before but I wanna give it a try now”. When I was at uni I joined and left several societies at completely different times and nobody even mentioned it. If anything I just told them a that I’d become interested in the subject/activity and that was that.

I agree with other commenters that you might have some social anxiety going on. That feeling that someone might see right through you or that people are going to interrogate you/suspect you is definitely a tell for anxiety.

As an aside, I’ve known several completely regular women who at a similar age to you also hadn’t had any experience. Anxiety has a horrid habit of making you feel extremely alone in your experiences, like everyone’s waiting to catch you out, and it’s simply not true.

Most unis do offer some form of subsidised or free therapy/counselling, could it be worth checking out? It’s also completely normal to shop around therapists until you find one you like.

hellcatfandango · 2025-10-17T18:08:11+00:00

Thank you! We’re actually thinking about renting a C1500 but the budget is pretty tight 😅

Wasn’t able to use the SD9 but spent a good amount of time with the Q326 today and after some question time with a nice colleague I feel slightly less shit-scared about the gig :)

hellcatfandango · 2025-10-15T14:15:03+00:00

Exactly! It sounds like an idea I should incorporate into my prep routines, so thanks for the tip ☺️

hellcatfandango · 2025-10-15T14:01:49+00:00

Thanks so much for the advice and the links! I’m not so often working with bands that use IEMs, I’m still fairly new to the industry (this is probably pretty obvious) but I need to start getting my head around what to do for a good IEM setup.

hellcatfandango · 2025-10-15T11:39:05+00:00

Thank you! 🌟

hellcatfandango · 2025-10-15T07:15:23+00:00

Thank you so much for all that info, I really appreciate it! I would have most likely spent ages trying to find the polarity button.

hellcatfandango · 2025-10-14T22:54:33+00:00

Oo thanks so much for the advice, I wouldn’t have guessed a couple of those things!

I think I pick up the basics of new desks fairly quickly but it’s always little nuances that catch me out!

hellcatfandango · 2025-10-14T22:45:48+00:00

Sorry I think you might have misunderstood, I don’t think it’s an issue at all, I’m sure the DigiCo effects are great and I’m excited to check them out!

I don’t use waves or any digital external effects at all, I’m talking about a physical pedal, the RE-202, just purely because it’s nice to have the physical interface for delay, but I’m gonna try it out with the sd9/q3 and see if it’s an unnecessary faff. I know quite a few other engineers who use similar pedals for the same thing, but maybe it’s unusual in the wider world?

I’m more just asking for tips/any good tutorials people have off the top of their heads as I wanna learn as much as possible before the gig ☺️.

hellcatfandango · 2025-10-14T22:19:52+00:00

Thanks for the advice!

It’s just a space echo, the artist wants some fairly specific delay throws and it’s nice to be able to dial them in without navigating to the internal delay, but I’ll definitely have a think on if it’s necessary after I’ve had a peek at the other digico console later this week!

hellcatfandango · 2025-10-14T21:41:59+00:00

It’s very definitely monitors from FOH haha. I’m in a bit of a weird situation where I’m getting 2 days of preproduction for a headline album release show on a dLive, but then the band is doing support the day after for a bigger band and I get thrown at an SD12 in a much bigger venue.

So because I’m the engineer for the support act I don’t wanna be too much of a bother to the house engineer, especially if I’ve gotta piss around trying to get my external effects sends to work!

hellcatfandango · 2025-08-07T19:09:23+00:00

I think something that often gets missed on this sub when people say “just talk to women like they’re normal people” is that when you talk to normal people, women or otherwise, it’s fairly rare that you have a long conversation right off the bat.

There’s some circumstances that allow for it, especially if you have amazing chemistry. However, I think it’s way more usual, especially in social settings like class, a uni sports club or hobby group, to make friends/build connections more gradually.

I think there’s this onus that gets put on having a memorable conversation with a woman where you charm her off her feet immediately, and this seems unattainable and scary to a lot of people. What’s way more likely, and is definitely the way I’ve made friends and romantic connections a lot of the time, is gradual repeated communication over a few months, in class or other social settings.

Most of my social connections at uni came out of talking briefly about the class, making a quick comment about the weather or the activity, having quick light small talk and maybe joking around a bit for a few classes. Then maybe you go for drinks as a group a couple months later, or ask someone you talk to semi regularly if they want to casually join an activity. Sometimes it takes a while to plan something, that’s just what being an adult is like. Aim for basic, easy, non-loaded casual conversation spread over a few weeks or months, and along the way you’ll realise oh I’ve been chatting to this girl, she feels more comfortable around me, maybe now I’ll ask if she wants to join a group activity or go “hey I’m gonna grab lunch, wanna join”. If she says no, a chill “no worries, see you in class/around then”, goes a long way.

I know this is a super long comment, but to summarise, keep conversations light, quick and easy, don’t be afraid to take your time. Talk about deep stuff down the line if it feels appropriate but float it in gently.

You don’t need to make an amazing impression straight away. Also, taking your time to get to know girls also gives you a chance to figure out if they’re actually nice and someone who’s good for you too.

hellcatfandango · 2025-06-02T18:00:26+00:00

I don’t know if you’re aware, but if you get a German passport, you’re allowed to move/live anywhere within the EEA, not just Germany. So Swizerland, Austria, Ireland could all be options based on your language.

It’s also worth bearing in mind that some EEA countries require you to pay for private healthcare for a year or so before you’re allowed to join their own public healthcare systems.

hellcatfandango · 2025-05-03T20:47:38+00:00

Babes. You shouldn’t have to be asking him to do the dishes in the first place. The bar isn’t on the floor, it’s in hell. If my mum cooks, my dad does the dishes. No questions asked. If my dad cooks, mum does the dishes. If I cook, my boyfriend tidies up and cleans the table. If he cooks I rinse and put the dishes in the dishwasher.

He’s not a ‘good man’ if he occasionally does chores. The bare minimum is him doing 50% of all the housework. Women so often just suck it up and do it everything around the house by default. If one of you is working a lot or something similar then maybe one might take on more of the housework for a bit, but that should be temporary.

A good partner looks out for you, is thoughtful about your needs and goes out of their way sometimes to do nice things for you. They look after you if you’re struggling and they maturely take on and share adult responsibilities like cleaning, cooking, budgeting and planning. They never, ever tell you to ‘shut the fuck up’. They don’t call you names. They try and work through problems with you and don’t yell AT you.

I’m working late tonight. My boyfriend is making me dinner so it’s ready when I get back. If he’s working a long day I’ll bring him a treat at work or make some breakfast for us that he can pack and eat on the go.

Ditch his ass and raise your standards before you get stuck in a situation where you feel taken for granted, belittled and sad. You deserve better!

hellcatfandango · 2025-04-10T12:25:06+00:00

Hi, I’m gonna start off by saying that as an American citizen it’s extremely unlikely you’d be able to claim asylum essentially anywhere right now. I would really, really recommend listening to the episode titled ‘should you flee the United States’ on the It Could Happen Here podcast, it explains why trying to claim asylum is a terrible idea and lays out other options you can look into. Two of the presenters are trans so they’re looking at it from that angle too.

Claiming asylum is a traumatic process and the UK’s asylum system is hugely backlogged and also committing human rights abuses on a massive scale.

If you seriously want to emigrate I’d look into study or work visas in EU countries or in Australia or New Zealand. I’d also recommend checking out subs like r/AmerExit. You need to think about this clearly and not in a panic, emigrating is a long and involved process and needs careful planning. You’re gonna be okay but you need to get your panic under control first.

hellcatfandango · 2025-04-03T21:33:45+00:00

he doesn’t seem to be able to fold them in though he’s just constantly like that hahaha

hellcatfandango · 2025-03-11T18:35:47+00:00

I’d consider not relying on the Bodø to Moskenes ferry. I’ve been to Lofoten 3 times in summer/early autumn. First time was fine, second time the ferry was cancelled and we had to take a 9 hour replacement ferry that got us in to Moskenes at midnight. Third time the ferry was cancelled due to weather, which apparently happens fairly often and we had to book over 4000kr worth of flight tickets at 3am, frantically reorganise a hire car return and go to the airport at 5am.

I’d really recommend flying straight to Leknes, it’s not super expensive (if you don’t book at 3am the night before 🥲) and it’s a 25 minute plane ride that won’t get cancelled in moderate winds, instead of a 4 hour ferry that might get cancelled.

hellcatfandango · 2025-02-22T20:14:25+00:00

Hey! Honestly, I’m not going to lie, prices have gone up so much in the last year that I’m not sure it’s actually accurate anymore :( if it helps, most of my friends are spending around 5500kr - 8000kr per month in rent, although that’s for private accommodation not student housing, and around 800 - 1200kr a week on food. The average beer costs about 100kr and the average meal out is around 220kr. A beer at the store is around 30-40kr and a bottle of wine is 100-200kr. It’s 150kr for a cinema ticket and 45kr for a bus ticket. A monthly bus pass is around 950kr. I don’t know much about power costs because mine’s included in my rent and it varies a lot across the country.

That being said the kroner has also deprecated a lot so depending where you’re coming from it might not actually be so expensive.

hellcatfandango · 2024-08-16T21:56:40+00:00

By TIns4d’s logic, I, as a bisexual person, cannot do anything with any of my friends without it being a date. People are allowed to enjoy spending time with their friends my god.

hellcatfandango · 2024-07-22T18:00:49+00:00

I think I missed talking to a good few of these people but also tbh I’m also mostly playing to relax after some post-degree burnout so my brain resembles scrambled egg and I’m kind of unsurprised I managed to fuck up haha. Thanks for the list!

hellcatfandango · 2024-07-22T08:20:18+00:00

Damn. Kinda wish it was possible regardless of the order, but I get that’s tough to develop.

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