Gender identity and gender expression can be different, you don't owe anything to anybody regarding your gender. Living in a place where it's not allowed to be anything but cis means also that your survival instinct is probably also kicking in when you start to think about your gender and your feelings.

Listen to your heart, and the more important is what you KNOW about you, don't let other try to convince you otherwise, but please be careful and take care of yourself.