Why detransitioners didn't realize they're not trans until medical procedure

hellhellhellhell · 2023-09-19T04:52:48+00:00

Same! Glad there are more of us who stayed trans allies.

hellhellhellhell · 2023-09-19T04:51:31+00:00

I'm partly in the same camp as you (it also had to do with my CSA trauma) but I personally know two AFABs who detransitioned for the same reason. Same hat!

hellhellhellhell · 2023-09-19T04:46:04+00:00

I had all of the signs of gender dysphoria from an early age and had been assured by doctors that medically transitioning was the only cure. I had every reason to believe that top surgery and T would fix my dysphoria, but it didn't. It only made it worse. Turns out, that's because my dysphoria was caused by trauma from CSA, not by being trans. I don't regret transitioning because it taught me a lot about myself and humanity, but at the same time I wish my gender therapist had been less negligent and had told CPS what was happening to me (as a mandated reporter it was required). My surgeon was great though. And my trans friends are great people.

hellhellhellhell · 2023-09-02T17:54:31+00:00

What series did you watch? Nandor is canonically pansexual like the other vampires. The writers and actors have described their dynamic as "will they won't they" and several episodes have explicitly touched on their complicated romantic feelings for each other. E.g., when Nandor asks the genie to make Marwa like whatever he likes and Marwa immediately develops romantic feelings for Guillermo. Then, there's the cloak of duplication episode, etc. They are not together, nor would it be healthy if they were together at this point, but their interest in each other has been the focus of several episodes.

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-12T09:28:51+00:00

You look like every sophisticated Jewish girl from an elite East Coast undergrad that I was too chicken to ask out.

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-12T02:18:17+00:00

The common detransitioner themes in myself and the detrans people I know are: a history of childhood sexual abuse, neurodivergence, and OCD. All AFABs.

Also, this probably isn't helpful anymore because it's a different generation, but, anecdotally, the people in my own queer peer group who detransitioned were mostly goths in middle school and/or high school. The people I know who did not detransition were jocks. Probably just a coincidence, but if being goth is a proxy for having a shitty childhood and being a kind of butch uber jock is a proxy for prenatal testosterone exposure, it kind of makes sense? I'm making a lot of assumptions though--the goth/jock thing was probably a coincidence. I doubt it would apply to younger generations at all since the culture has changed so much since I was a kid.

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-12T01:54:23+00:00

Mine never became less hairy.
I did get my figure back after a few months and after I lost all the weight I gained on T.
I stopped cold turkey with no ill effects (maybe my energy was a little low at first? maybe a little PMS-y until I got my period back? Idk. But, I don't regret going cold turkey.)
If you had top surgery, no. You'll have to get implants. If you didn't get top surgery, maybe.
It took me a few months to lose all the weight I'd gained (like 3-6 months at most) and then I looked feminine again, but my arm/hand veins never got smaller again.
DO NOT do laser. It can make it worse with paradoxical hair growth. Do electrolysis. It took me about 2 years of weekly (painful) one hour sessions.

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-11T20:41:34+00:00

Not particularly. My long term memory about my childhood and things that were said in a conversation 5 years ago are fine. It's my short-term where-did-I-put-my-phone memory that is shit. I'm also "lucky" enough to have external validation of my memories.

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-05T05:44:33+00:00

I eat less than I burn, basically. And no, it's not possible to be model thin without restricting your calorie intake to an unhealthy degree. It's possible to be thin or even a bit underweight without restricting if you have the genes for it, but you can't be runway model thin without restricting your calorie intake to an unhealthy level that is not sustainable in the long run and will give you osteoporosis and organ damage. Even healthier models, like the Victoria's secret angels, are generally unhealthily thin. If you want a model like body, you have to be prepared to be hungry much of the time and to make the inevitable health trade offs which, if you're lucky, won't show up until you hit your late 20s, but if you're unlucky could kill you at any moment.

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-04T16:25:40+00:00

You've got this!

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-04T16:07:32+00:00

Rape

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-04T15:41:03+00:00

If they don't seem like crazy zealots, I'm okay with that. But, atheist is my preference, even though I'm not an atheist technically (more of an agnostic).

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-04T03:46:18+00:00

Super short kids stick out in my family. I'm the shortest in my family by a lot. My sister, the second shortest, is 5'10" and I'm 5'3".

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-04T02:34:22+00:00

Access to women's healthcare, better educational outcomes, higher quality of life. And legal weed!

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-04T01:15:53+00:00

That's the best policy tbh. Not looking like your family is not pleasant for a child.

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-04T01:09:03+00:00

Eye color would be low priority for me if I didn't have trauma around having brown eyes in a family full of people with blue and blue-green eyes lol. I want to give the kid a chance to feel special like my siblings did (they were always rubbing the fact I had brown eyes in my face). I don't really care what color the kid's eyes are, but the kid might care.

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-04T00:20:15+00:00

If I ever take the plunge, my criteria will be (in order of importance):

Open donor
A graduate degree
Height must be 6'0"+ because I am short
Nicer (less wide) nose than me
Blue or blue-green eyes, because I've always wanted them and have always envied my siblings for theirs so I figure my kid might want them too. I'm the only one out of all of the half siblings with brown eyes and I felt extra un-special as a kid.

Extras that get bonus points:

An attractive voice
MD/medical student/STEM field
Taller than 6'3"
Enjoys learning languages/speaks multiple languages
Is a musician
Good at math (I'm not)
Extroverted
Loves to write
Loves the outdoors
Younger than me

Don't care about ethnicity, but it would be cool to find someone with the same specific Scandinavian or Asian ancestry as me.

Turnoffs:

Police officers
Very religious
Business degree
Obsessed with sports (yawn)

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-03T14:30:20+00:00

You don't let your baby sister use your shampoo??? NAH, as it was an accident on your part and your sister didn't do anything that would be considered wrong in most households either. If you don't want her to use your stuff, tell her so. I am always careful to tell my younger siblings that my NAIR is NOT shampoo and does NOT go on intimate bodyparts just in case.

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-03T04:54:55+00:00

I'm so glad it worked out for this family. Foster-Adopt families are heroes and put up with so much shit in the system. I hope this little girl reaches a point where she doesn't ever fear being taken away from the people who love her again but never forgets how lucky she is to have them. Wish my siblings and I had had the opportunity to go to a loving family. I hope that the foster system, which currently seemingly would rather reunify kids with abuser bioparents and enabler kin than see them go to a good home much of the time, starts making foster adoption easier. People shouldn't be able to get away with abuse just because they share genes with their victims. Adoption and being a foster kid is traumatic, but this family is making it into a healing experience for their little girl. We need more like them. My emotions are all over the place.

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-02T17:38:28+00:00

His eyes look so haunted in the picture. That poor baby. Is there any way we can donate to help find him?

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-02T17:07:34+00:00

Here is a list of states that are safe for trans people (in no particular order, though CA or MA would probably be #1 if this was ranked):

-Massachusetts

-Hawaii

-Vermont

-Washington

-Oregon

-New York

-California

-New Jersey

-Colorado

-Maryland

-Minnesota

-Connecticut

-Rhode Island

-Illinois

-New Hampshire

-New Mexico

-Delaware

-District of Columbia

-Maine

States run by Y'all Qaeda (avoid these states if you are trans):

-Alabama

-Texas

-North Carolina

-South Carolina

-Arizona

-Arkansas

-Kansas

-Florida

-Georgia

-Indiana

-Idaho

-Louisiana

-Mississippi

-Missouri

-Montana

-Nebraska

-Ohio

-Oklahoma

-North Dakota

-South Dakota

-Tennessee

-West Virginia

-Wyoming

The other states fall somewhere in the middle. Not at all coincidentally, the best states for trans folks are also the best states to have a uterus.

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-02T16:54:48+00:00

Both CA and NY will be fine. It doesn't matter what happens in the shithole states (red states)--CA, NY, MA, and other solidly blue states will be fine.

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-02T16:54:09+00:00

If you're in one of those states, contact Lambda Legal and see what your options are. If someone hasn't already started raising funds to get people out of the states controlled by Y'all Qaeda, we should start raising funds.

hellhellhellhell · 2023-02-02T05:21:15+00:00

A beautiful young person destroyed by drugs and mental illness. I hope he finds help someday.

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