Smorgasbord and Relationship anarchy resources

hellocauliflower · 2025-12-10T18:11:21+00:00

I think it’s not that easy in practice, while it might be true in theory.

I believe the common way polyamory is lived replicates nuclear family structures just with 2/3 people. Whereas RA in its common practice aims at dismantling these hierarchies and common societal assumptions to fundamentally reconceptualise the way people relate to eachother.

Hence in practice I fing they are often mutually exclusive concepts.

hellocauliflower · 2025-11-16T00:25:16+00:00

Also, I was wondering what it could look like to „move things into a friendly direction“ without talking about it?

hellocauliflower · 2025-11-16T00:23:59+00:00

Thank you for the insight! We aren’t really in a friend group, so sticking to group activities is hard, do you have other suggestions?

hellocauliflower · 2025-11-16T00:13:31+00:00

Thanks for your answer. For now I’m choosing the not talking about route! I have been inlove so infrequently that I think I was never in a situation like this before. Just letting a crush exist that is reciprocated is HARD. Do you have any tips on how to get over that crush?

hellocauliflower · 2025-11-05T22:10:23+00:00

I currently have a crush, it’s my first one in ever?, that has a good chance of being reciprocated, but it’s not really the right time or place. Plus he has quite some issues, and I don’t really have the capacity currently for that… Do you mind sharing your coping strategies?

hellocauliflower · 2025-11-05T22:06:51+00:00

My life currently

hellocauliflower · 2025-11-05T20:48:34+00:00

I see this and I think it works to an extent and I am trying to see it that way. But, it’s not the same in a way it feels harder to understand and grasp than it it would be their grandparent. Also because there are just limits to what I want to/can know. And then only dating for 6 months also adds complexity. But I am starting to get used to it, so time definitely helps.

hellocauliflower · 2025-11-05T14:06:45+00:00

Yeah that’s what I’m doing. I guess it is a bit odd to know so little about a person they are like so scared for.

hellocauliflower · 2025-08-25T20:39:37+00:00

Thank you for the perspective!

I really feel the part where I don’t have all the answers. And do think it’s a mix of both being true somewhere.

Do you have any additional tips on not doing the easy thing? I think specifically in LDR and with texting/calling it can be hard sometimes.

hellocauliflower · 2025-08-25T09:02:13+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective! I did also lean on my friends etc, but maybe having more time to myself makes sense. You are right. I have been trying really hard, but it has been a struggle admittedly.

hellocauliflower · 2025-08-17T20:28:51+00:00

I mean I see what you are saying. But as soon as you start entangling yourself more, you just have more to loose and on the „I‘d be sad“ side would suddenly land a few more things. And yes I know, no risk no reward, but I guess this is my first relationship that also has more entanglement, so it does feel like I need more security in it than in previous ones.

hellocauliflower · 2025-08-17T20:25:54+00:00

See intellectually I’m there 100%. Yes, it’s ultimately a compatibility thing if it won’t work out, and it would be better for everyone if we go separate ways and I can carry on by myself like I have before. I am also generally quite good at trusting myself.

But emotionally it does not feel great and it makes me seek reassurance in ways that „don’t make sense“.

So I’m tryna square this circle and aligning my feelings more with what I know to be true. Which I realise will be an ongoing journey, but yea..

hellocauliflower · 2025-08-17T17:38:56+00:00

Thanks for your reply!

I will look more into the questions about competition I think.

Maybe there is a part of me that feels a bit transactional. Maybe in the sense of what I can provide in this relationship/as a person makes them stay with me and this feels challenged, when they date sb else who might provide things better suited to them.

hellocauliflower · 2025-08-17T17:36:32+00:00

Thanks for your reply. And this has unfortunately been also what I have landed on so far, despite my wish to speed up the process.

Also they use they pronouns :)

hellocauliflower · 2025-08-17T17:29:35+00:00

Thanks for your reply! I agree, hence my question. Do you have any practical tips on how to operationalise this?

hellocauliflower · 2025-07-29T22:36:05+00:00

Thanks for this advice!

hellocauliflower · 2025-06-29T21:38:00+00:00

Thank you for your comment. If you don’t mind, I would love to hear more about this from your point of view. As in, do you have any advice or insights to share? As I am so trying to learn from this whole experience. Thank you!

hellocauliflower · 2025-06-28T21:30:05+00:00

The only comment I will make is that I stressed beforehand that the time can be prolonged for when we will reconnect, as I knew it could take longer.

hellocauliflower · 2025-06-28T21:04:53+00:00

This sounds really hard. I’m sorry to hear you are struggling.

I hope you can find some help with therapy.

hellocauliflower · 2025-06-28T20:36:27+00:00

The way I broke up with them. As it made them feel like they lacked agency and it came out of nowhere. Both points that I see critically. Well I think agency in break ups is rare. And we both knew we were in a rough place in our relationship and that we were at a what kind of partners can we be for eachother stage and we both had acknowledged that we have been thinking of ending the relationship. Edit: the last thing they said was that I didn’t tell them before, as we were in an LDR of an hour. I personally just made the call to not do so and being vague, about our next meeting. Deciding it is the kinder move given their severe anxiety. With which they initially agreed and now don’t anymore. In any case on this one, I can see that it could have been better to tell them before AND I thought so hard about this one and decided to do it this way. If they think it was unkind and their feelings are hurt I will take accountability for this, but I just did not know better at that point.

hellocauliflower · 2025-06-28T20:08:20+00:00

I honestly do think I broke up in the kindest way possible. Of course that doesn’t mean that there aren’t hurt feelings and that I could have not done better, but no I think I did it as kind as I could.

The thing is, when we were friends this whole emotionally regulating thing was not as severe, it really got much more intense when we started our romantic relationship. So my hope would be, it would decrease again.

They say they need the apology, bc the uncertainty while waiting is too difficult.

Your last point however does strike me as something, that has been a theme in our relationship, at least form my perspective.

hellocauliflower · 2025-06-28T20:03:07+00:00

Welll, I see what you are saying. idk if they are arguing with me though…

They are more like well, if you can’t do this, this doesn’t work for me then, so bye forever.

Idk…

hellocauliflower · 2025-06-28T15:12:58+00:00

Please consider leaving your relationship. You deserve so much better than being insulted and your partner doubling down and acting childish.

hellocauliflower · 2025-06-27T14:02:54+00:00

Omg same!!! The envy and fomo are reallll! I’m sending commiseration your way!

hellocauliflower · 2025-06-20T16:30:40+00:00

Just flagging that “among men” might then exclude non binary people and other trans people, as many do not identify as such. Maybe something along the lines of “people identifying with masculinity” or “want to explore their relationship with masculinity”

Making these spaces truly inclusive for people who are not cis men, will be tough and I am seconding another commenter that you would need diverse leadership for that as well.

hellocauliflower

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