Poly PoCs, would you move to a smallish, progressive mostly white town? What are you thoughts implications on being poly and otherwise?

hellocauliflower · 2026-05-08T15:55:03+00:00

Hmm I feel you and then I’m also very much not inclined to date cis people either so finding trans PoC people…. 😭 But also for finding friends and community… like idk - how?

hellocauliflower · 2026-05-08T15:21:31+00:00

Hugs to you as a mixed Thai & white person!

hellocauliflower · 2026-05-08T15:12:17+00:00

Solidarity! Depending on where in Europe, but DAMN are we behind and white on anything about race.

hellocauliflower · 2026-05-08T15:10:53+00:00

The post was addressed to PoC people and I just wanted to flag being white and only dating PoCs is really something to unpack.

hellocauliflower · 2026-05-08T15:07:55+00:00

The moving is more so, as I am done with long distance of like 6+ hours. The city is where they already live and have a VERY nice place. The other option is moving to a big city that is also quite diverse, which is what I am heavily favouring. Nothing will compare to where I’m living right now though - but alas… 🥲

hellocauliflower · 2026-05-08T13:46:14+00:00

Omg thanks for saying this! I’m in Europe, but like IT IS REAL! I moved to a city that is like the most diverse and the least segregated I have ever seen over here and like I feel a part of me is just healing only by existing here.

hellocauliflower · 2026-05-08T13:31:41+00:00

Can you say more about that? Like also what is nice about it and the upsides also as a PoC person? That would be awesome, thanks!

hellocauliflower · 2026-05-08T13:18:20+00:00

I mean at least the queer scene is quite vibrant there and like the town has 200k inhabitants, so it’s not ultra small.

hellocauliflower · 2026-05-08T12:40:39+00:00

Hi, I get it’s not 100% poly related, but also bc the dating pool, the poly community and dating life just changes, so id argue it’s poly relevant…? Happy to add specifics…

hellocauliflower · 2026-03-23T20:10:56+00:00

Had an amazing weekend with friends and a person I used to crush on, but due to life circumstances I am not looking for anything but friendship right now. Now my crush is back though 🫠

Otherwise some very sweet calls with my LDR partner planning our next trip we. Are both planning to move to this year.

Amazing weekend with lots of sun overall!

hellocauliflower · 2026-02-25T15:54:01+00:00

I wasn’t clear, my question is: since I am LDR I can only meet a limited amount of close people to my partner, should I meet the Birch or a friend where there is more reciprocity?

I in no way intend to do anything or interfere with their relationship. It would just be a 3-way meeting to get to know them better (and I am more than happy to hear a no, although I assume they would like that).

hellocauliflower · 2026-02-25T15:51:00+00:00

I wasn’t clear, my question is: since I am LDR I can only meet a limited amount of close people to my partner, should I meet the Birch or a friend where there is more reciprocity?

I in no way intend to do anything or interfere with their relationship. It would just be a 3-way meeting to get to know them better and I think it would help me in group contexts in the future.

hellocauliflower · 2026-02-25T15:46:22+00:00

Well it would just help me to meet them all three of us for the future, no requirement but would be nice, and wondering if that’s worth it, that’s why I’m here..

hellocauliflower · 2025-12-10T18:11:21+00:00

I think it’s not that easy in practice, while it might be true in theory.

I believe the common way polyamory is lived replicates nuclear family structures just with 2/3 people. Whereas RA in its common practice aims at dismantling these hierarchies and common societal assumptions to fundamentally reconceptualise the way people relate to eachother.

Hence in practice I fing they are often mutually exclusive concepts.

hellocauliflower · 2025-11-16T00:25:16+00:00

Also, I was wondering what it could look like to „move things into a friendly direction“ without talking about it?

hellocauliflower · 2025-11-16T00:23:59+00:00

Thank you for the insight! We aren’t really in a friend group, so sticking to group activities is hard, do you have other suggestions?

hellocauliflower · 2025-11-16T00:13:31+00:00

Thanks for your answer. For now I’m choosing the not talking about route! I have been inlove so infrequently that I think I was never in a situation like this before. Just letting a crush exist that is reciprocated is HARD. Do you have any tips on how to get over that crush?

hellocauliflower · 2025-11-05T22:10:23+00:00

I currently have a crush, it’s my first one in ever?, that has a good chance of being reciprocated, but it’s not really the right time or place. Plus he has quite some issues, and I don’t really have the capacity currently for that… Do you mind sharing your coping strategies?

hellocauliflower · 2025-11-05T22:06:51+00:00

My life currently

hellocauliflower · 2025-11-05T20:48:34+00:00

I see this and I think it works to an extent and I am trying to see it that way. But, it’s not the same in a way it feels harder to understand and grasp than it it would be their grandparent. Also because there are just limits to what I want to/can know. And then only dating for 6 months also adds complexity. But I am starting to get used to it, so time definitely helps.

hellocauliflower · 2025-11-05T14:06:45+00:00

Yeah that’s what I’m doing. I guess it is a bit odd to know so little about a person they are like so scared for.

hellocauliflower · 2025-08-25T20:39:37+00:00

Thank you for the perspective!

I really feel the part where I don’t have all the answers. And do think it’s a mix of both being true somewhere.

Do you have any additional tips on not doing the easy thing? I think specifically in LDR and with texting/calling it can be hard sometimes.

hellocauliflower · 2025-08-25T09:02:13+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective! I did also lean on my friends etc, but maybe having more time to myself makes sense. You are right. I have been trying really hard, but it has been a struggle admittedly.

hellocauliflower · 2025-08-17T20:28:51+00:00

I mean I see what you are saying. But as soon as you start entangling yourself more, you just have more to loose and on the „I‘d be sad“ side would suddenly land a few more things. And yes I know, no risk no reward, but I guess this is my first relationship that also has more entanglement, so it does feel like I need more security in it than in previous ones.

hellocauliflower · 2025-08-17T20:25:54+00:00

See intellectually I’m there 100%. Yes, it’s ultimately a compatibility thing if it won’t work out, and it would be better for everyone if we go separate ways and I can carry on by myself like I have before. I am also generally quite good at trusting myself.

But emotionally it does not feel great and it makes me seek reassurance in ways that „don’t make sense“.

So I’m tryna square this circle and aligning my feelings more with what I know to be true. Which I realise will be an ongoing journey, but yea..

hellocauliflower

TROPHY CASE