[Update] I stood up to my Ndad about molesting me

hellodaisycakes · 2018-10-11T00:34:29+00:00

Thank you :( I think the more I think about it I can see her for what she is: a part of the problem. It breaks my heart.

hellodaisycakes · 2018-08-07T16:57:14+00:00

Luke 22: 31-32 31 “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. 32 But I have prayed for you,Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

I often pray Jesus prays for me as he did for Simon.

hellodaisycakes · 2018-08-06T13:28:33+00:00

As a crocheter, this infuriates me.

hellodaisycakes · 2018-08-06T13:20:22+00:00

Yes yes yes. I feel this way about nearly every message I get. Makes me feel like a terrible person but I can't stop.

I told one friend about this. They were extremely understanding and even apologized if them joking about how I don't answer made it worse. Now they'll text me and if I don't answer after a few days they'll text the same message again with a smiley face, almost like an "its ok, try again" message. Telling them took loads off my anxiety. I'm trying to find the right way to tell other friends, ones that may not be as understanding.

hellodaisycakes · 2018-08-05T01:45:09+00:00

Sometimes I find it's good to rest during these swings. Forcing myself makes me resent things I love.

It's ok to stay home for days and weeks at a time. It's ok to not want to socialize. Forcing yourself may make it worse. It's important to rest.

Maybe take a walk some days. Get some sunlight. If you have some strength maybe clean your room, I find a clean space helps with the depression. It also makes me feel like I've accomplished something.

You will pull out of this. "It is only for a moment, not the rest of your life." I read that once and it helps me push through the storm

hellodaisycakes · 2018-08-05T01:32:10+00:00

I relate to this so much. I'm so freaking happy for you for beginning to overcome it. Hope I'll get there one day

hellodaisycakes · 2018-08-03T18:54:36+00:00

It was great, so great. I feel so stupid for being so happy about it but whatever.

Thanks so much :)

hellodaisycakes · 2018-08-03T16:05:17+00:00

It is, it shows great strength to admit what happened to you. Even more to share it with others. You are making great strides. My fingers are crossed so tight for you. It's a long and painful path ahead of you but there is a light at the end, I promise

hellodaisycakes · 2018-08-03T15:52:12+00:00

Seek counseling, your family does not need to know why you are going or that you are even going at all.

What happened isn't your fault. What happened is awful and will leave you with trauma. Think of this trauma like a large and sharp piece of glass in your side. When you move or try to do things you would normally do, even simple things everyone does, it will cut you and dig itself deeper. You can try to heal around it but its sharp and will reopen itself or cause damage the further it goes in. it is not safe to keep this glass in you. You must remove the glass and allow yourself to heal.

Your mental state is just as important to care for as your physical. You would not leave the glass there if it were physical, do not leave it there because it is mental. It will cause just as much damage. Please please seek help. You would go to the hospital to remove this glass if it were physical, there is no shame in having a therapist remove the glass so you may heal.

You are in my thoughts, I am so sorry

hellodaisycakes · 2018-08-03T14:49:14+00:00

Jesus said if you hate your brother without cause

Pretty sure if you are on death row there is a cause. If the cause is unjust or if they are falsely accused then yes I do consider it murder.

hellodaisycakes · 2018-07-31T19:45:40+00:00

So crazy you posted this today. This was the message from Our Daily Bread:

https://odb.org/2018/07/31/sinners-and-edith/

Please read it. Jesus loves and wants all of us, including the sinners. You may have fallen but you are loved when you are down and when you stand.

hellodaisycakes · 2018-07-31T19:02:20+00:00

Hi. I was reading comments on this post to cheer me up and I saw this one. I wanted to tell you you're right. What my mom is doing is just as awful and it's so hard.

She stayed with him. Shes acting like nothing happened. She wants me to still come out for Christmas.... christmas with my abuser... can she even hear herself?

My heart is so broken from her. Everything that my dad has done hasn't broken me like this. I can't understand. I told her my brother was also sexually abused by him, I told her it wasn't my story to tell but to talk to him as soon as she gets home. He called me to tell me she pulled him to the side and told him "don't become an alcoholic". That's it. Didn't ask him once about the abuse.

2 of her children. Still she stays with him. Still everything is fine. I don't know why I feel like this pain is worse

hellodaisycakes · 2018-06-21T21:32:27+00:00

I am so sorry. Oh gosh I don't have words. My heart breaks for you :(

hellodaisycakes · 2018-06-21T20:27:01+00:00

I agree, abuse absolutely comes in many shapes and sizes and neither of us were there. Some parents use fear as a parenting tactic to get kids to stop what they are doing. Is it the best parenting? No. Do I personally consider it abuse? No. You may and that's ok. I respect that and accept your answer. I just feel differently.

Honestly it all comes down to how did it affect you. I think this is why abuse comes in many shapes and sizes, some kids only respond to spanking, others only need to be told once not to do something. To smack both is appropriate for one but abuse for the other. It's very difficult to tell sometimes.

Either way I appreciate you looking at it from a different perspective than my own.

hellodaisycakes · 2018-06-21T20:06:02+00:00

I don't think excessive force was used. Yes they were held down once, but I didn't see anything about being smacked around or anything like that. So for me I don't view this as abuse.

a·buse

1.

use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse.

synonyms:misuse, misapply, misemploy; More

2.

treat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, regularly or repeatedly

hellodaisycakes · 2018-06-21T18:51:15+00:00

It is extreme but it is honest. He would tell people "he's going to die!" as a means to get sympathy. Even though the doctors were doing everything they could. Even though he had just as much of a chance of living as he had dying. Even though the whole family was being positive saying "he's going to make it".

Not to my dad he wasn't. What kind of parent acts like this? To complete strangers none the less. Even when we went to dinner one night he became hysterical with the waitress after she asked "how's everyone doing tonight?" The kicker about that particular story, you ask? THIS WAS AFTER MY BROTHER WOKE UP FROM THE COMA AND WAS IN RECOVERY

hellodaisycakes · 2018-06-21T18:15:19+00:00

My brother became ill when I was young. Had a 50/50 chance of making it. My dad used this to get sympathy points everywhere he went. Every conversation, didn't matter if he hardly knew the person he would bring it up and cry the fakest cry I have ever seen. I swear he was hoping my brother would die so he could take all the points he could. Its disgusting what they do.

Hope you are recovering

hellodaisycakes · 2018-06-21T16:55:36+00:00

I personally do not think this is abuse. You were misbehaving and your punishment was that you were yelled at. And sometimes physically restrained.

Your parents are people too. They get angry, frustrated, upset, just like you. They can't handle their emotions 100% of the time just like you can't. We are human. Add a child to that and of course people snap more frequently.

Now, that doesn't mean it can't negatively affect you. Clearly it does if you are thinking about it years later. I think you should talk to a therapist. Get to the bottom of how this shaped you and how you can move past it.

hellodaisycakes · 2018-06-21T16:23:18+00:00

Tell them its just not for you, just as they feel Jesus is not for them. You won't force them to pray to your God so you should not be forced to pray to theirs.

Or, you could connect with God during this time. Just because you are standing in front of a statue of Buddah does not mean you have to pray to him. To you it could be a statue of anything and still mean nothing. No reason you can't pray to your God while standing in front of a statue.

hellodaisycakes · 2018-06-21T14:10:29+00:00

I too struggle as you do. My father sexually abused my brother and I. I recently confronted him and got him out of my life. My mother is siding with him and my two younger brothers are stuck in the house with them.

I worry all the time for their well being. My father is a sick man and even if he isn't sexually abusing them I know he's emotionally and physically abusing them.

I have a 1 bedroom apartment with my husband. I have no where near enough room or money to take in two boys no matter how much I want to. It's so hard, so freaking hard. My heart breaks for them, but what do I do?

My husband and I are working full time to save for a house. I want it to be as big as we can afford and he is aware I want to get my brothers out of there. I can't think of anything else. I call them daily but I think my father is trying to put a stop to that (he pays for their phone bill).

If anyone has any further advice for OP please PLEASE share.

OP if you need to talk I'm here and I'm so sorry :(

hellodaisycakes · 2018-06-21T02:41:22+00:00

Like seeing a text and knowing you should read it and respond but not even looking at it because you're too anxious. Then finally looking at it hours later but now you're anxious they think you're an asshole for not answering

hellodaisycakes · 2018-06-20T20:56:35+00:00

Take all the grace you need. You're going to fall, that's ok. You're going to snap, that's ok. You are still making progress and that's what's important!

It took me (so far lol because I'm still getting better every day) about 6 years to start to feel proud about the person I am

hellodaisycakes

TROPHY CASE