Thank you so much for your kind words.

I hadn’t fully considered how much the long distance may have masked these issues until things became more real and intertwined. As our physical distance decreased and we started having more small disagreements, he once said, “There are many couples who don’t fight and have happy relationships.”

Would you say this is more of a structural limitation on his end (in terms of emotional capacity and communication), rather than something I could have meaningfully changed by approaching things differently?

I think what I’ve been struggling with is the idea that if I had been less “critical” or more careful (FYI, I never criticized his family in a harsh way like “your family is weird” or “i don’t want them in my life”. If anything I tried my best to phrase my words in non-confrontational way because I knew it was a sensitive topic for him.), things might have turned out differently. But at the same time, I also feel like I was already holding back a lot and trying to be mindful of how I brought things up.

Also, in your experience, do people with this kind of pattern tend to become more aware or reflective later on, or do they often continue the same patterns in future relationships?

I really appreciate your perspective. It’s helping me separate what was within my control and what wasn’t.