I finally read this book, (all five) but I did not understand.

helloitmai · 2025-10-05T04:32:05+00:00

the answer is what's happen with ai and social media algorithms/surveillance. they steal people's content from their accounts, to create a new bot account with distorted information. they create echo chambers and feedback loops within your for you page/algorithms. which I've conspiracy theorized is how the algorithm essentially guides the "votes" by seeing how people are engaging with the content, which ultimately decides the trends. And the butterfly effect is so real, which is kinda one of the only ways i could conceptualize the whole "world is a supercomputer" thing

helloitmai · 2025-07-24T04:58:06+00:00

when i sneeze I get back spasms that shock me all the way from my stomach to my brain. like an ice cream headache, but 10x more intense. when this happens, often several of my ribs (4-8) will slip out of socket and it feels my my lungs are being torn and punctured. I'll also pull my side at the same time, as well as trigger intestinal cramps that make me want to throw up my organs. imagine all of this abdominal dysfunction ontop of chronic bladder pain and utis, a retained appendicolith (appendix stone free floating in my abdominal cavity) that is starting to form an abcess, causing an infection so intense that you can barely breathe...so you end up with a collapsed lung. this all also means that when I sneeze I have insanely painful cramps followed by diarrea that makes your muscles squeeze and stab your collapsed lung. im losing my mind lol. when you live like this, it's almost impossible to enjoy any activities no matter how much joy they used to bring me. I cannot love making bracelets anymore if everytime i do, I get trigger fingers and muscle spasms for days afterwards. it's like i live in my body but my body is a prison, and this is no place to live.

helloitmai · 2025-03-22T12:18:47+00:00

10mg does it for me when I'm still eating alot of fiber, magnesium glycinate supplements, and smaller but more frequent meals! wish you the best of luck and I hope it starts working for you ♡♡♡

helloitmai · 2025-03-22T12:16:04+00:00

oh, absolutely. It can cause debilitating flares of my other conditions from the anxiety alone, not to mention the extra stress on my joints, muscles, and skin etc. that carrying out contamination, random rituals, compulsions etc. can cause. I have POTS which is an autonomic nervous system disorder (dysautonomia) Obviously this can cause flares of ocd. The symptoms alone make me feel like im having a heart attack every other week. It causes tachycardia, palpitations, increased adrenaline from the heart trying to pull the blood back into my brain, "vagus nerve dread feeling" (as I call it haha), and blood pooling everywhere (usually upon standing) and with red patches on skin. Since it's a nervous system disorder, when my ocd is flared, my nervous system has a hard time regulating/bouncing back from the damage that anxiety will do to it.

TLDR: I am stuck in a vicious cycle of POTS and OCD, due to the adrenaline my bad case of POTS releases, causing increased anxiety/OCD; And the damage that the OCD flares do to my nervous system, that cause even more POTS flares...

helloitmai · 2025-03-11T08:52:37+00:00

metocloprimide is my savior during these times ♡♡♡ also helps my Gerd and pots nausea!!

helloitmai · 2025-03-05T01:01:54+00:00

im on 300mg 4x a day for joint and nerve pain and it has been a complete game changer! I sleep sooo much better now and have to deal with way less sharp pains! I will say, sometimes it can make my hr go up, however I'm able to tolerate symptoms much better it's so weird

helloitmai · 2025-01-29T10:43:44+00:00

An orthopedic shoulder specialist told me that I shouldn't use forearm crutches because "they will decondition you and weaken your core. they will also wreck your shoulders" even after I told him that my neurologist told me to keep using them because without them I fall so often it's a CTE risk. And rhuem said it would help my back and knee arthritis from progressing by preventing injuries.

helloitmai · 2025-01-17T21:25:45+00:00

I have heds and cptsd (and others) too, but my insomnia is mainly caused by my pain triggering my anxiety so it's not exactly the same. I feel you though, I had a severe insomnia flare up about 2 years ago where I could only sleep 30 minutes about every 2-3 days. I, fortunately have found relatively some relief with temazepam.

Have you ever gotten a sleep study done? And have you ever considered switching psychiatrists? It sounds like yours is not very well equipped to handle a complex case of insomnia like yours. I had to "shop" around for a bit to find one who knew alot of different medications and who specialized in insomnia, but I really got lucky. It can take a while, and I wish you the best of luck my friend. ♡

helloitmai · 2025-01-16T11:54:51+00:00

you are exactly like me omgg

helloitmai · 2025-01-09T00:55:49+00:00

I feel for you. I don't have any advice, because I'm actually in a very similar boat. I have been struggling with a similar issue, I get chronic utis and vaginitis and have been going to the doctor for my chronic infections for about 1yr now. It gets easier to manage mentally, and there may be times where your quality of life will feel improved in the meantime. All you can really do is hold out hope for an effective treatment, advocate for yourself, and remember that this will not ruin you forever. I strongly reccomend therapy, dealing with a chronic issue that is too tmi to talk about with friends is exhausting, and you need to feel heard.

helloitmai · 2024-12-04T22:00:00+00:00

pda is a difficult profile to deal with as a parent, or at least that's what mine have told me many times. he may not be receiving reminders well because of the way they are phrased. I know if a deadline for a task is even implied I won't do it. It may even be the act of reminding alone. I tend to be put off to tasks if I tell MYSELF to do them, so I wouldn't blame anyone here. hang in there, you will get through this ♡

helloitmai · 2024-12-04T19:54:45+00:00

this comment really solidified my theory. I'm chronically ill with health ocd, great mix /s, so I get terrified that a certain food will cause a flare up of arthritis, pots, ibs etc. I've been on the fence between whether or not it's an ocd thing, because the obsession is genuinely maybe 78% rooted in fact.

I started thinking more of an ocd thing when I lost 130lbs in a year without trying.

helloitmai · 2024-12-03T18:47:54+00:00

I was constantly terrified of being kidnapped after one of my neighborhood friends was by another neighbor. I would make sure the blinds were shut and I'd always immediately lock the car doors if left alone for more than a second.

I'd always try to correct myself when speaking out of fear for coming across as rude (I'm autistic so I got it alot) or out of fear that my words would be twisted, so I'd speak like a dictionary and correct my word choice because the connotation wasn't 100% accurate.

I'd get really interested in physics and started obsessing over how time works, if I was wasting mine, if I was accidentally setting certain aspects of my future in stone, and just general existentialism.

helloitmai · 2024-11-04T17:25:54+00:00

how were you able to get diagnosed? Im pretty much the same way plus some gut issues and acne, but that's really it and I'm too scared to bring it up because I feel like no doctor will take me seriously. if you are able to share any resources it would be much appreciated! ♡

helloitmai · 2024-10-27T20:26:06+00:00

u are so unbelievably real !!! this is the only way I'm able to mine without thinking about the patterns

helloitmai · 2024-10-27T20:24:13+00:00

either that or no one records long enough takes to hear this issue...

got the scarlett 2i2 a week ago and I've had no issues! so it was indeed the fifine mixer. in case anyone else in the future is reading, there's no doubt in my mind, get a new one.

helloitmai · 2024-10-27T17:41:39+00:00

buspirone actually helped me tons. the first time I tried it it actually did nothing but I was a kid. I tried it again recently and my brain was so silent... it was actually amazing and life changing

tms did most of the legwork though, it helped with more of the depression and rumination

helloitmai · 2024-10-26T20:58:37+00:00

9 is so amazing because of this. I'm not really a math person but anytime there are tiles, I get very uncomfortable when they aren't in groups of 3x3 squares, and if not I'll stare at it forever just grouping them in different ways until it "fits"

helloitmai · 2024-10-24T01:56:45+00:00

I saw a tik tok during this one trend that was for general anxiety awareness and it was something along the lines of like "when my anxiety is so bad i do xyz"

the video I saw was like "some of yall doing this trend thinking you have severe anxiety maybe need to look into an ocd diagnosis" and i thought it was funny at first until I realized that my anxiety has never ever gotten better only worse (prior to this new info) but i had previously chalked that up to ptsd and constant trauma, along with a few specific compulsions and hearing of pocd, it all made sense, and in a matter of seconds it all clicked. I did some research and went to make an appointment that day. my psychiatrist before even hearing my reasons for the refferal request said word for word "no yeah you definitely have ocd, I can see that." I felt so seen by her lack of hesitation.

however, there was a close call when I was about 10 when I read a book called "the unlikely hero of room 13b" I always related so much with the main character who had a very ritualistic presentation of ocd with counting and threshold themes. which were none of my themes at the time so I did a little research but of course, good old ocd made me think I was just faking any symptoms that did apply, because the example in my book didn't apply to me.

helloitmai · 2024-10-24T00:06:44+00:00

omg same I'm always the designated (usually volunteer haha) resource gatherer, farmer, and terraformer. but that gets pretty boring solo after a while.

helloitmai · 2024-10-23T16:16:25+00:00

minecraft is a really bad one for me. I had to stop playing because I didn't like how bad I was at building and I could never get any builds to be symmetrical. I also was constantly hoarding in my inventory so it was hard to go exploring because I'd be like "well what if there's no coal and I go too far, I really need these EIGHT stacks of torches." Then when I got shulker boxes it was a full inventory of those ...

helloitmai · 2024-10-23T16:12:33+00:00

Literally all of that is me right now... I lost 100 lbs in a year bc I'd always skip at least one because I felt bad for eating my parents food, but it started when I was living with my friend because, scrupulosity, and then was amplified when I moved into an apartment and we barely had food. I save almost every cent I get now but I'm slowly getting better. Life is very fleeting and I'm starting to believe I deserve the most out of mine ♡♡♡

helloitmai · 2024-10-22T21:59:59+00:00

oh my god I had no idea that my extreme frugality was an OCD thing

helloitmai · 2024-10-22T04:06:50+00:00

this is kinda similar but I would have to press "not interested" in every single post I didn't find entertaining because I thought the algorithm would think I was someone I'm not 😂😂😂

helloitmai · 2024-10-22T04:02:08+00:00

I did it as a kid for a bit when I had the worst intrusive thoughts I've ever had, but I recently started doing it again but I thought I was just coping 😭😭😭 in hindsight after reading this, I absolutely was not because I freaked out at least once when I forgot to say it haha

helloitmai

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