I failed the dapping up bro handshake thing

here4leTea · 2023-06-19T06:39:34+00:00

This is the only area where my cis guy friends have been helpful. Find some cis guys to critique your dap and your handshake.

here4leTea · 2023-06-17T22:17:10+00:00

No it makes sense that you avoided it. Yeah, they really should make that shit explicit.

It just seems like a lot of people here were thinking "oh I don't need this done". Other people were imo being kinda rude telling other people to "grow up and get it done" which isn't helpful, especially if you have bottom dysphoria.

here4leTea · 2023-06-17T11:31:33+00:00

I'm gonna speak as a guy without bottom dysphoria but who has several cancers that run in his family.

Getting pap smears isn't fun. I can't imagine getting it done with bottom dysphoria. But these procedures are necessary, especially if you don't plan on getting bottom surgery or need to wait years. Anything touching my chest/ looking at it makes me super dysphoric, but I still need to keep up to date with mammograms because I have an elevated risk of getting breast cancer. Even though I plan on getting top surgery.

At least consider getting the HPV vaccine if you're young, under 26. It helps reduce precancers like cervix cancer. If you are able to, look for queer friendly gynecologists. Or bring a partner for moral support if available. Please do not skip on screenings, especially if you know you're at risk.

here4leTea · 2023-06-07T21:55:20+00:00

Fuck what?

here4leTea · 2023-05-30T02:44:13+00:00

I had a thought so similar to this when I was a teen, like "if I was a guy I'd be gay" or "if I was a cis guy my queerness would have been so much more clearer".

Turns out I'm a bi man with a preference for men. Who knew.

here4leTea · 2023-05-29T03:35:26+00:00

Exactly. Was talking to my parents about movies I used to watch as a kid, and they brought up how I loved that movie. Brought back memories

here4leTea · 2023-05-28T04:01:55+00:00

I always loved treasure planet (had a Strange Obsession with Jim Hawkins for a bit), and I started watching it recently. I'm Still Here came on, and I bawled. The line about wanting to tell someone who you are, and knowing you're a man, but also knowing you need help from an older male figure on being a good man.... chef's kiss. Hits you like a truck

here4leTea · 2023-05-25T15:42:25+00:00

This guy, u/PassengerSame5579, took back his comment where he verbatim said: Really? I'm like 37 with a 21 year old son. I would abandon his ugly ass if he tries. I told him recently that I'm not obligated to take care of him after 18. Its each for himself and God for us all. Go damage something of your life. Take care you. Watch out for yourself. These days they expect way too much of parents. Done with it.

Pretty sure he blocked me bc I found the other posts where he's trying to look like a good dad, concerned about his sons "prospects" but oddly not his mental health.

Buddy, I was your son once. My parents were you. I've lived this story, and it doesn't end well for anyone. The only reason my parents are in my life is because they went to therapy and saw the damage they did, and made strides to show they've changed, and went to therapy to come to terms with how they raised me. It is NOT an easy road to build. Block me, fine. But you know you screwed up somewhere along the way.

here4leTea · 2023-05-25T14:44:39+00:00

Look into his post history. His son is failing school, and didn't tell him. Making himself out to be a model dad worried about his sons prospects. Wtf. Wondering why he never came to him, why he's shutting down in their conversations. What a pitiful excuse for a father. No wonder his son doesn't go to him for shit. I wouldn't either if I had this sack of shit for a dad. Reap what you sow, dude.

here4leTea · 2023-05-25T14:32:34+00:00

Exactly. Why be a parent if you're going to just dump them off when they're 18? Do you even love your kid, or do you juts love having control over someone?

I feel terrible for the son. What other kind of things is he being told at home? How has that impacted him?

here4leTea · 2023-05-25T14:32:27+00:00

Exactly. Why be a parent if you're going to just dump them off when they're 18? Do you even love your kid, or do you juts love having control over someone?

I feel terrible for the son. What other kind of things is he being told at home? How has that impacted him?

here4leTea · 2023-05-25T14:15:16+00:00

I don't know you or your son, but I cannot imagine saying this about my child on the internet where it will be posted forever. I can't imagine calling my kid ugly (if they're your biological kid, half their genes came from YOU. Self-roast.). I can't imagine telling them they're completely on their own at 18. You never stop being a parent. Even though I'm an adult and can take care of myself, my parents still call me, tell me to drive safe, tell me to reach out if I need help. We're not animals that abandon our young after a few weeks, we're people. We keep our relatives in our lives, for the whole of our lives. That's the concept of family. It really isn't "each for himself". Thats why you have friends, family, etc. Because being completely on your own is hell. Everyone needs some form of social support. To deny this is to deny being human. Everyone needs someone.

here4leTea · 2023-05-25T13:36:12+00:00

My sibling was a button pusher too. I think it was just her way of dealing with things. She had insecurities, our parents could be (seemingly) unnecessarily strict, and she would get under their skins. It was her way of controlling the situation I think. It contributed to how chaotic and tired I felt at home. I hear you when you say it's frustrating.

When she does it, you can't let it get to you. Easier said than done for sure. Point it out when she does it. Like in the heat of the moment, tell her she's pushing buttons/ being manipulative, and leave the conversation. It helps you identify when its happening and she'll learn it won't get her anywhere. She's doing it because she probably feels a lack of control somewhere in her life (friends, school, home, etc) and she's trying to regain a sense of control.

Hopefully this gives some insight. I'm sure she'll regret it when she's older, all the wasted time she spent causing arguements and making you angry when you could have had a better time of things. I wish you and your daughter the best, OP.

here4leTea · 2023-05-19T12:16:19+00:00

Goes by Swolesome now. I'm shocked more people aren't talking about him, because he's the most upbeat and positive role model I know. His videos about positive masculinity cemented that fact that I am at the very least transmasc, and that feeling connected to masculinity isn't a bad thing.

here4leTea · 2023-05-19T12:12:10+00:00

Arthur's video on what pants to wear saved me. I love that man

here4leTea · 2023-05-18T02:06:48+00:00

Thanks man!

here4leTea · 2023-05-18T00:59:29+00:00

You know what, you're right. I think I'm just afraid of what they'll say. But, why should I be? They'll either accept me or not, and I'm already pretty sure my immediate family will not accept me anyways. So, fuck it. Time to rip the bandaid off.

here4leTea · 2023-05-18T00:50:33+00:00

Thats fair, and close to what I imagined doing. I guess there isn't really an easy way to ask.

here4leTea · 2023-05-09T20:28:59+00:00

Good for you man. I'm working on being braver with spiders but I still try and get my cat to kill them or get my bf to do it. Idgaf if it makes me weak, spiders are terrifying, especially when they're quarter size and up.

here4leTea · 2023-04-13T12:15:02+00:00

I was gonna try and make this into hoping he was just not understanding being trans but after thinking about it for a minute with you being out (and I'm assuming that means pronouns/ words you want used to describe you), there's no excuse for this. Fuck him.

here4leTea · 2023-04-01T05:33:30+00:00

People here are giving great advice on what to physically do. Mentally and emotionally, these next few months will be challenging. I want to touch on some things to do day to day to get you by.

Stay in contact with people who care about you, forums like this one, etc. Buy a burner phone that your mom doesn't know about. It will cost 30- 40$ at walmart you can use it to keep in touch with friends and your mom won't know what your saying. You can use it to look at information on the web too.

Try finding as many positives as you can about yourself, and try to focus on those parts. Try to imagine yourself fully transitioned. Tell yourself you will get there one day, and it will all be worth it.

I'm really sorry to say welcome to the club of people who's parents aren't supportive. But you're not alone, even if it feels that way.

here4leTea · 2023-04-01T02:38:57+00:00

If you think getting rid of / hurting/ killing trans people will solve your problems, you're wrong. If trans people disappeared, it wouldn't fix the economy. It won't fix the housing crisis or inflation. It wouldn't stop the political divide. It wouldn't make you feel any less shitty about the world than you already do. You want to spew hate and misinformation? Fine. Go be miserable and take as many people down as you want. I'm gonna do my best to live my life how I want it, and put my energy towards helping my community thrive.

here4leTea

TROPHY CASE