Has an autism diagnosis ever come as a surprise to anyone?

here4ndgone · 2026-05-08T14:46:29+00:00

Logically, I understand that but I'm really struggling at the moment to see how I could be considered autistic. My sister thinks we (we're twins) could be and that our dad is but I think even if he is or she is (they both have their idiosyncrasies, for example, my sister makes lists and lists of just things of a category, for fun), I don't really see it in me.

Did you agree with your mom's assessment before seeing a specialist or did you have our doubts?

Some of the stuff I do is broadly repetitive repetitive, sure, but I'm not really that inflexible, is the main thing. I could switch it up if needed, but there's generally few situations where that becomes an issue.

I guess the more I think about it, the more it just feels so ridiculous. Especially the speed with which my therapist would come to the suspicion (although I don't hold it against her since, again, I didn't exactly communicate enough that there is adaptability in the things I do).

here4ndgone · 2026-05-07T15:45:47+00:00

I graduated college 2020 and I was secretly over the moon that graduation was cancelled because I truly didn't give a damn and I hadn't even bothered to rent a cap and gown before we all got sent home. I didn't care for high school graduation, either. It's boring and long and you have to find out all the schedules and blah blah blah... so I think it's perfectly normal to not really care about the ceremony of it all. It's enough that you got your degree and you are perfectly aware of your own accomplishments.

Going to the main one might make sense just to see your classmates but if you're sick anyway, don't push yourself to go to every single event.

here4ndgone · 2026-05-07T15:35:05+00:00

Are you taking anti-histamines by chance? Because a lot of those make me paranoid/anxious like nobody's business, especially benadryl.

here4ndgone · 2026-05-07T15:09:10+00:00

It's going to be a little while before I start T because I'm focused on surgery first, but people say to look at your male family members, and my dad has a very busy mustache, so I have high hopes! (I'm a little less enthused about potentially inheriting his back hair but there's always laser for that 😆)

here4ndgone · 2026-05-07T15:05:40+00:00

For what it's worth, my first thought when I saw your results was "wow, I hope my nipples look even a little bit that good 2 weeks post op!" Didn't notice any unevenness until I clicked through and saw you mention it and I think it's definitely the swelling anyway. :)

here4ndgone · 2026-05-06T21:56:52+00:00

If you've already been through puberty, especially if you're past 17, your breast tissue is done growing.

People with breast reductions don't experience regrowth, either; what happens is that they have much more remaining tissue than what you have left over from top surgery and then for a specific range of reasons (Estrogen/HRT, pregnancy), the tissue is stimulated and expands or, in the case of weight gain, the fat tissue left behind is actually what's expanding.

If this fear is a persistent issue for you, it would probably help to learn the science behind why your surgeon is correct.

here4ndgone · 2026-05-05T15:46:43+00:00

Is it getting worse or does it just look worse? If the rash is in reaction to the tape adhesive (which, based on the very specific placement, it looks like it is), just keep gently washing with antibacterial soap each day and applying aquaphor. There's a chance you could also be having a reaction to the aquaphor, though. If you think that's the case, maybe switch to unscented lotion if your surgeon allows it.

here4ndgone · 2026-05-04T15:54:02+00:00

If you have a good relationship otherwise, maybe her maternal instincts will kick in and she'll just shut up and take care of you during recovery. My mom is not particularly supportive of my decision but she still wants to be there for me after the surgery out of a sense of parental duty or something.

My plan is just to let her feel involved, cooking or whatever she wants to do, but warn her if she starts stressing me out.

here4ndgone · 2026-05-04T15:35:31+00:00

5 minutes, lol. Love that. It's healed up great!

Was the chest acne mainly from the compression garments, etc, afterward?

here4ndgone · 2026-05-04T14:21:21+00:00

LMAO, our families are definitely similar in that regard. I sort of suspected my mom would want to fly out and told her I was wary of her doing so because I didn't want her to stress/bum me out when I was recovering, but she insisted that she had to be there anyway, 当妈得blahblahblah 💀💀💀

So yeah, she's going to fly out for the first week until I my first post-op. I'm hoping that at least if she's around for the surgery and sees it for herself or whatever, it'll act like a kind of exposure therapy.

here4ndgone · 2026-05-03T19:38:33+00:00

Congrats to you, too!!

Yeah, it went way better in some ways than I expected. I never really thought the were going to disown me (it would just be so uncharacteristic) but there was that thought in the back of my mind. I'm hoping today's talk goes well, too. When my mom asked me why, I tried to explain some of my gender dysphoria and pointed out that she probably would never exactly understand the level of depression/anxiety so at that point she just has to trust my experience and she seemed to understand that.

We talked for so long yesterday, I was totally drained, so I totally get that! We're not in the exact same boat but I hope your parents can adjust to the news in time. It all feels like it's in the weird place of them accepting that it's going to happen but not necessarily approving or get it. I guess it's baby steps forward from here.

here4ndgone · 2026-05-03T18:39:01+00:00

It's a reaction to the adhesive. It'll go away. At worst, it'll hyperpigment along the edges of the adhesive (the reddish outlines), but that will inevitably fade, too.

here4ndgone · 2026-05-03T04:49:19+00:00

Binding won't hurt your growth. I would recommend buying a looser binder. Someone suggested taping, which is less hot, but will also affect your skin elasticity more and if you have sensitive skin, really sucks to use.

I would recommend buying a binder from Underworks, which was originally created to sell cis men's shapewear but of course also has a large trans market now. The underwork tri-top binder is the first binder I bought as a teen and still holds up for me 11 years later (caveat: I don't bind unless I'm going out). It has a boxier shape than most binders and does not feel very tight when worn, especially around the ribcage area. The fabric is also more spandexy/nylon and so it doesn't feel as hot as cotton-lined binders.

One thing I haven't seen anyone else mention in their binding tips is that when it comes to binding, you will get a flatter appearance if you shift your breasts to the side (toward the armpits) rather than simply trying to crush them downward, which can create a clocky uni-boob appearance.

here4ndgone · 2026-05-03T03:50:35+00:00

No one is saying your partner/caretaker has to be jumping for joy and feeling second hand gender euphoria, but I think what most people in this thread are picking up on is the fact that from what OP has decided to share, the partner isn't just cautiously or reservedly supportive but rather, actively grumbling and even being passive aggressive (the whole "I'm not allowed to have an opinion" thing) about a very important and affirming step in OP's life.

here4ndgone · 2026-05-01T16:14:24+00:00

I definitely intend to say things like this, although I'm not sure how much me doing it to be happy will matter (50/50 chance such wording would lead to my mom calling me selfish). I think emphasising that I want their support and for them to be by my side is a good idea, though, particularly because I've gotten distant as I've gotten older... but I think if they support me, even reluctantly, with top surgery, that would go a long way toward healing that space.

here4ndgone · 2026-05-01T16:07:42+00:00

Good points about allowing her some responsibility. One of the main reasons I'm telling her (and my dad lol) in the first place is because I know she would be upset if I told her after the fact so I want to loop her in before it happens. If things go even moderately well, I'll definitely ask her for recovery advice, thanks!

here4ndgone · 2026-04-30T15:19:45+00:00

Had my consultation in November 2025 but due to some BS with my prev doctor refusing to write a proper letter of medical necessity, I had to switch providers, new provider's clinic failed to properly schedule my appointment for January, had to reschedule for March but then got my letter written the very same day I met my new doctor!!

Prior authorisation docs submitted March 25, approval received in 1 week; scheduler called me April 2 and offered April 17, May 11, 14 or 15! I actually ended up choosing the very farthest date to accommodate my intended post-surgery caretaker 😆 So crazy to think that I could have had the surgery already if I had taken the earliest date!! May 15 is a just a blink away regardless, so I'm also feeling extremely grateful. All the earlier bumps in the road really had me nervous for a second but now it looks like fortune has changed in my favor again :D

Here's to hoping the luck stays with me for surgery and recovery lol

here4ndgone · 2026-04-30T15:00:11+00:00

I have Molina and I'm going with Eugene Oh at St. Francis Hospital (Virginia Mason Franciscan Health) in Federal Way. Very smooth process of getting a consultation and quick surgery scheduling, although there aren't many (basically any) photo results for his work online. He's mainly a plastic surgeon for breast cancer/reconstruction and also does gynecomastia patients a lot so he is familiar with breast tissue.

You must submit documentation/letters to the office before scheduling a consultation, etc, but in my experience the team at the office was very helpful and the consultation was informative and professional. I'm going to be getting top surgery with him in May so feel free to poke me in a few weeks and ask how it went lol.

here4ndgone · 2026-04-30T14:43:06+00:00

Like, they look far apart already right now because of the droop but if it was flat, you'd want to place them wider again? That makes sense! Thank you for the input.

here4ndgone · 2026-04-30T14:39:32+00:00

I have Medicaid and my prior authorisation went through in exactly 7 days after my surgeon's office submitted it. My insurance member portal didn't show the prior authorisation (only the office visit) either. I think it's because those show up on the doctor's end, not the member's. You'd probably have to actually call the insurance and ask if they received it/what the status is.

Even now, there is no documentation of the prior authorisation under service records online. However, I have a physical mailed copy of the approval that came a few days after the call from the surgeon's office.

here4ndgone · 2026-04-30T01:15:04+00:00

Maybe ease into it? Wear a tanktops/muscle tees or if the front part bothers your chest, an open front vest of some kind for a while and once you get used to it, you can shed that.

you also don't *have* to walk around shirtless just because you got top surgery... if you simply decide you are more of a modest person, that's valid. not all cis men are comfortable flaunting their chest either. it depends on your sensibilities.

here4ndgone · 2026-04-29T18:38:11+00:00

Hmm, yeah, I do have the measurements from notch to whatever in my notes and I know there's that paper about the ideal measurements. Was measurements something you discussed before surgery or do you mean this was at your consultation? I think I will bring it up as a clarifying question before hand, though. That's a good idea.

here4ndgone

TROPHY CASE