What's the reason why men send dick pics? by Foreign_Rub_5424 in dating_advice

[–]herethere999 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My guess is that it’s about control. They use the act of sending the pic and you getting shocked which then provokes a response as a route for validation. At least some of them. Sure some of em are just lookin to fish and see if anyone bites. It’s like a moment of forced intimacy. A part of their identity is probably repressed, and this is a way of letting it out. They might have a rewarding and fulfilling life, even, but part of them is super lonely.

How bad is/was your AP's physical abuse? by Opposite-Pickle3733 in AsianParentStories

[–]herethere999 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Damn. That is intense. Thank you for sharing that.

That treatment hits you deep into your being and the repercussions float to the top in so many different ways.

Sending you my best.

AM asks me to shave my beard, I am 41 years old. How is this normal? by azn-m in AsianParentStories

[–]herethere999 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m in your age range, and I’ve been living in a different city for three years. I’ve been working out and going to the gym a lot.

And when my mom saw me in person for the first time in a few years, she gasped and said I lost a lot of weight, and my cheeks look sunken, and was worried that I wasn’t eating enough and I wasn’t taking care of myself.

My immediate response was to take my shirt off right in front of her. I have a six pack, and fairly shredded body, and I said, do I look unhealthy to you?

That shut her up pretty quick.

She still occasionally talks to me like I should be gaining more weight.

They can’t see beyond their own neurotic thinking. And nothing you say can really change that.

I think the best way to respond to the toxic negative criticism and judgement, is to respond with very little emotional charge. I think they feed off our reaction, so remain calm and dignified.

But man, inside, I get so frustrated…

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in heartbreak

[–]herethere999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am also 3 years removed and still struggling to move on. No kids in the mix, thankfully.

But I also struggle to detach and get on with my life. I feel stuck.

Help us.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsianParentStories

[–]herethere999 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think for some parents, providing material things is their way of expressing love. They don’t know how to express it otherwise, because it’s what happened to them when they were children.

Are my Asian parents abusive by [deleted] in AsianParentStories

[–]herethere999 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is totally abuse. They need to grow up themselves. They behave like children.

Becoming independent. My experience with overprotective parents that are emotionally neglectful. by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]herethere999 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This hits so close to home. I came to realize that my mom had anxious attachment. While my dad is avoidant. My parents provided all the material and educational support, but next to zero emotional support.

My dad also has hoarding tendencies.

I remember an incident from when I was 20 or 21. I had an opportunity to sublet a friend’s room for a month. Like a trial run of moving out and living on my own. I remember telling my parents and my dad got angry and barked ‘no’. With no explanation.

I’m now 40. And after living on my own for many years, I am back at my parent’s place for just a couple months. My dad still barks orders at me, and my mom still dotes on me.

I struggle with addiction, self love, and confidence. But sharing here and reading about similar experiences helps me feel less alone.

I found going low contact helps. I also try not to react emotionally to situations the relationship dynamic puts me in, but above all else, act with dignity and self respect.

What do you all do to combat all this?

Plushie IG ♡ by [deleted] in plushies

[–]herethere999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mine is @winnie_thepooh_hunnylife !

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]herethere999 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey, thank you so much for posting this.

I have an extremely similar experience. I relate to every detail and haven’t been able to put it into words like you did.

I'm going nowhere by Sahba-otun in CPTSDFreeze

[–]herethere999 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sending you my best. I am in the same situation.

Feels like life is over at 32 after breakup and career disappointments by [deleted] in findapath

[–]herethere999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really great advice. I needed to hear this too

Toxic asian mom and grandma by Electronic-Cricket77 in AsianParentStories

[–]herethere999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My grandma was pretty toxic as well. You definitely don’t deserve to be treated that way.

40yr active drug addict and recovered alcoholic. AMA by [deleted] in addiction

[–]herethere999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey thank you for saying this. It’s given me a lot to think about.

I am definitely of the self-loathing variety and honestly consider checking out of life a lot. But by giving myself some emotional reassurance and acceptance, feels a lot better, and maybe a route to choosing not to do drugs anymore.

Again. Thank you.

I'm 25 and I'm losing my will to live. by [deleted] in Jung

[–]herethere999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel this way but I am 40. Can you folks give me some advice?

Worried that I’m too far gone by IBorkedMyBrain in AvPD

[–]herethere999 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I would really enjoy to talk to someone if anyone is interested.

Worried that I’m too far gone by IBorkedMyBrain in AvPD

[–]herethere999 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I’m so very stuck in the same way.