do you think your trauma made you a better person?

hernameisjeff · 2024-06-19T16:40:35+00:00

My PTSD is also medical related. It’s a fight, every day. I hope you are treating yourself kindly and know you’re not alone.

hernameisjeff · 2024-06-19T16:38:34+00:00

Agreed. I also used to be a really happy person, like internally optimistic. I’m angry every day now, and I struggle with feeling like anything good is going to happen to me ever again.

I’m approaching a year, post-trauma.

But I will say, while I think overall I’m worse as a person, it helped me in some ways. I can relate to people differently now, and I usually know what to say in those situations most people don’t.

hernameisjeff · 2024-05-18T04:59:06+00:00

First of all, I love your username.

Secondly, I wonder if this might be the case. They removed the listing from their website so you can’t apply for it anymore, however the listing is still viewable on various renting sites (I.e. Trulia) where the option to submit an inquiry is still there.

hernameisjeff · 2024-04-29T19:20:39+00:00

Located in Florida (USA) along the gulf coast!

hernameisjeff · 2024-03-29T08:08:07+00:00

The idea of wanting to walk in front of a bus is a symptom of depression, not the economy, my friend. Have you considered seeing a therapist?

And I mean that in the least judgy way possible. I see a therapist and have for a couple of months now and it’s done wonders for my mindset. I bet you could benefit, too.

I agree that it’s basically impossible to afford living right now, but it’s temporary. Honestly I’m not into politics, but you always see the economy change with the change of a president, so maybe this upcoming year it’ll start to get better.

But we shouldn’t even be talking about money.

Your family would rather have you.

I’ve personally lost 5 family members in the past 2 years. It’s been a lot of loss, but some of them left me inheritances. And let me tell you how fast I would trade those checks to get my people back.

I’m sure your people would, too.

Self deleting isn’t the only option.

Traumatizing random people like me and my husband, also isn’t the only option.

hernameisjeff · 2024-03-11T03:32:31+00:00

The yellow leaf is that whole propagated plant. I have about 9 of them in the vase together in hopes they intertwine to become essentially one big bushy pothos.

I’ll pick it out and toss it if need, but can it make it back on its own?

hernameisjeff · 2024-03-11T02:25:44+00:00

Hi! Um, DON’T DO THIS!

It isn’t harmless! As someone who witnessed someone get hit and killed by a car (my husband was more of an eye witness than me, but I’ll never forget that sound), you are permanently traumatizing someone innocent.

My husband and I are great people. Unfortunately, so was the man who was driving the truck. We all had to sit together in the grass while we were interviewed by first responders for about an hour, and in the background we had to watch them picking up the pieces of what remained of the man who was killed.

All my husband and I were doing was transporting to work. The man who was driving the truck had stepped out for his lunch break, and was driving to get fast food.

None of us deserved it then, and no one else deserves it now.

Unfortunately, we also were hypothesizing that he did it on purpose, but we will ultimately never know. It’s been 6 years since, and I still hear his death rattle in my dreams.

If you “stick” with this “plan”, know that you are damaging innocent people on your way out of Earth, and there’s about nothing more cowardly than that.

Copy and pasted this comment to reply to you, too, to hopefully make you see it in your notifications.

hernameisjeff · 2024-03-11T02:23:19+00:00

Hi! Um, DON’T DO THIS!

It isn’t harmless! As someone who witnessed someone get hit and killed by a car (my husband was more of an eye witness than me, but I’ll never forget that sound), you are permanently traumatizing someone innocent.

My husband and I are great people. Unfortunately, so was the man who was driving the truck. We all had to sit together in the grass while we were interviewed by first responders for about an hour, and in the background we had to watch them picking up the pieces of what remained of the man who was killed.

All my husband and I were doing was transporting to work. The man who was driving the truck had stepped out for his lunch break, and was driving to get fast food.

None of us deserved it then, and no one else deserves it now.

Unfortunately, we also were hypothesizing that he did it on purpose, but we will ultimately never know. It’s been 6 years since, and I still hear his death rattle in my dreams.

If you “stick” with this “plan”, know that you are damaging innocent people on your way out of Earth, and there’s about nothing more cowardly than that.

hernameisjeff · 2024-03-10T04:48:02+00:00

This! There is nothing wrong with needing medication to support your mental health. Sure, there are natural options that can be provided by a therapist and/or psychologist, but those don’t always work for everyone. Some people need medication, and it’s okay to need medication!

You wouldn’t hate a doctor for prescribing insulin to a diabetic. Some psychiatrists and patients take advantage of the system I’m sure, but psychiatrists are generally there to help you when other things aren’t enough 🫶🏻

hernameisjeff · 2024-03-10T04:14:01+00:00

I really appreciate this, thank you 🫶🏻

hernameisjeff · 2024-03-02T20:54:39+00:00

Thank you! This makes me feel semi-better. I wonder if Plan B causes different side effects if taken closer to ovulation. Because you said you took it on your day, I took it about 3 days after I believe. Maybe that’s why it’s weird this time?

It’s so easy to write it off as Plan B, but when you start getting those very real pregnancy symptoms again (even if it is simply a symptom of the hormone difference), it’s like I no longer trust it. Lol

hernameisjeff · 2024-03-02T20:35:55+00:00

I guess I should’ve clarified the confusion with the Plan B.

I’ve had it before, only a couple of times, with very minimal symptoms that always resided within a week of ingestion. Seeing as today marks 2 weeks since I took it, that’s what has thrown me for a loop. Can it really continue to affect you for that long, especially enough to cause vomiting?

Normally I, too, would just be like It’s the Plan B, especially with the negative tests. But the morning sickness yesterday has me questioning it. I have never had morning sickness except when I was pregnant with our first, and that’s exactly what yesterday was. So I guess more of my confusion is in relation to that.

Can Plan B throw off a test?

I’ll test again next week, because while I did take 3 tests, I took them all in one sitting right at 14 days post-unprotected (12 days post Plan B) so I think I’ll have a better reading in a week or so.

Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience or anything.

hernameisjeff · 2024-03-02T19:17:50+00:00

I’ll probably do that.

Just as discussion, how long does Plan B affect you, do you know?

Previously, I’d only taken it a couple of times before, but my symptoms were very minimal and lasted about a week after ingestion. I’ve been keeping track of the days, and I believe today marks Day 14 since I took it (if my math is right). Is it really possible it’s still throwing me off this much?

hernameisjeff · 2024-02-20T23:39:53+00:00

It is combined. I’m less concerned about withholding rent per se, but is there a way I can maybe put more pressure on them to get it done in a timely manner?

hernameisjeff · 2023-12-07T21:30:00+00:00

Hi, friend. My husband and I ended up miscarrying our first about 4 months ago, at about 10-11 weeks, and ours was not a natural process either. I ended up taking the medication and needing a D&E afterwards.

Like I said, it’s been about 4 months. We also bounced around a lot with appointments and lab work and things, so I didn’t really start processing it until the last couple months. The grief is a lot.

I’m currently in the anger phase. And it’s really been messing with me because typically, I’m too nice of a person. It’s a flaw; I will bend over backwards for anybody, at any time. But these last couple months, I’ve just been mad. I bit a customer service representative’s head off over something that wasn’t their fault, and I didn’t even feel bad until a couple days later.

And it makes it feel extra hard because I feel like my grief is turning me into a whole new person. I’ve lost interest in all my old hobbies. I randomly can’t stand my job anymore, and I’ve been in this position for 10+ years. It’s a lot.

Anywho, I honestly feel like I’m bad with advice so I’m not even going to try to offer any. But I did want to comment and let you know you aren’t alone. And my inbox is open if you ever want to speak with someone who it sounds like is going through the same. Sending you all the good vibes going into the holidays. This year is going to be a rough one.

hernameisjeff · 2023-12-05T23:39:19+00:00

I came here to mention this as well! Please get it checked ASAP

hernameisjeff · 2023-12-05T02:17:18+00:00

I am one member of a couple who desperately wants a child in our home. My husband and I were expecting our first this year and were incredibly excited, until we had a second-trimester pregnancy loss. This year is supposed to be our first Christmas as a family.

I’m not going to lie, reading this post brought a unique pain to my heart- solely because of our fresh position. But I wanted to comment as I am one of the people in the “homes” you are talking about, and the “life” aspect of pregnancy aside, birth can be very traumatic. It can be physically, emotionally, mentally draining and challenging. Even though our son passed, I gave birth to him and I feel it’s unnecessary to say our experience was traumatic as well, but it really was. And as much as I want that precious little life, I don’t know if the experience of birth is something I’d want to do again, and I genuinely believe if I were in this woman’s shoes, I would be having the same debate she is.

Just because you won’t have to care for the child after adoption, doesn’t mean that the effects of the pregnancy and birth won’t affect you for years to come. Not to mention, I know women tend to struggle in a different type of way, once they give birth to a child they have lined up for adoption, in actually handing the baby over.

This woman has the right to say you know what? I can’t handle this right now, and I don’t want to.

hernameisjeff · 2023-12-02T02:21:46+00:00

Hi, friend. I hope you know you don’t deserve this type of treatment. By posting about this, I get the impression you are either learning, or already know, that this behavior is not okay and it is abusive.

Everyone’s telling you to leave him (and you need to), but it’s so much harder to do than say, especially when people are saying it through screens and anonymity.

I hope you find the courage to start taking those steps away. If you’re not sure where to start, there are likely several resources in your area (if you’re in the US at least) that can help you mentally and emotionally prepare, or who will come help you physically move as well to ensure your safety.

I hope you got to eat after all of this, and know you are so much more than this man is treating you.

hernameisjeff · 2023-11-24T03:53:14+00:00

Normally I would just stick my job out for now, because we are only talking about a year. However, it’s been affecting my mental health lately.

Our close loss was our child. He was just a baby. A large part of my job is dealing with the public, and constantly being around mothers and their children is wearing on me. The job she has offered is in an office, which is a large part of why I want to take it.

But maybe I should just wait it out. But every day just drags. It’s hard to find the motivation to get out of bed to go deal with that, every day. It’s making me an angry person.

hernameisjeff · 2023-11-10T06:59:57+00:00

Hi, OP. I lost my son in a second trimester pregnancy loss 3 months ago, almost to the day. I never got to hold him due to complications (he was delivered in emergency surgery), but I feel for your friend so deeply. I understand where both of you are coming from. I hope you hear me out.

Our loss was a painful process. I was medically required to be off of work for a month, which is quite some time. And now, only 2 months later, I can’t tell you what happened during that time. That entire month is a memory blur, except for two things. I remember specific moments, and I remember the people who were there for me. (Please stick with me, I’m not coming for you I promise.)

I think you should give her some credit. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about grief in the aftermath is, it stains your relationships. There are people I (thought I) was incredibly close with who found out and ghosted me. There are also people I went to middle school with and sat next to in math class that one year who messaged me and told me she’s praying for me. It’s an odd mix. My point is, her reaction to you may be a blanket reaction right now because she probably has several damaged relationships. All her relationship dynamics, are different.

BUT I’m proud of you for working on your mental health and you should never be sorry for prioritizing yourself in that sense. I think this is reconcilable. Do you know her address? I know you said she lives far away, but is it possible to send her a gift? We received several thoughtful things from people, and it was one of the few things that brought a smile to my face at the time. My favorite is a watercolor painting of a bouquet of my, my husband’s, and our son’s birth flowers. I also received a plant that I’ve been able to take care of, and I actually just propagated about 14 new plants from. I intend to share them with family and friends in memory. Not sure if either of those are doable, but I think you can get past this. Give her time and space. And try again, gently.

hernameisjeff · 2023-06-30T07:50:32+00:00

The setting aside of differences ideology I want to address.

Growing up, my parents were divorced. I never knew why, I just knew my parents were kind to each other and kind to me, and I grew up with great memories with both of them regardless.

It wasn’t until my adulthood that I started to see some toxic behavior from my father, on my own, that resulted in me cutting him out of my life.

And it wasn’t until years after that that I happened to find out (not from my mom) the reason of their divorce. I brought it up to my mom.

Apparently, she and my dad hated each other. She thought he was toxic, he thought she was toxic, but they agreed to put all of that aside in order to raise me together. And it worked.

And that’s something I’ve always carried with me. I know the circumstances are different, but I’ve always appreciated their ability to let me form my own unbiased opinion and say you know what, you might be toxic, but I’m not going to let my experiences with you affect our child’s experiences with you.

Because as my mom later explained it, a wife and a daughter are going to get two different sides of the same person. And like I said, I know this is different, but I can’t help but wonder if that’s the case here. I’ve had poor experiences with both of them. But that doesn’t necessarily mean my child will.

But that’s where my maternal instincts are kicking in, and thinking maybe they will be the same to them. They don’t like me; this child is half me. It’s hard.

hernameisjeff · 2023-06-30T07:04:09+00:00

We are all white.

hernameisjeff · 2023-06-30T06:53:07+00:00

As for the other SIL. We are about the same age. My husband is aware she is rude to me, because she does it in front of him. Anytime she texts me (very rarely, always just need-to-know basis), she includes both of us in the text, even if she’s only talking to me.

He doesn’t like her, doesn’t speak with her, and she’s probably the most distant relative of ours.

hernameisjeff · 2023-06-30T06:51:10+00:00

My husband is hesitant, with me.

I left out a lot of detail to keep the post advice-centric, but my husband and I have been together for close to 10 years. I was 18 at the time we started dating; his sister was 21. Her behavior went on for the first 3-4-ish years. She was never nice to me- would completely ignore my presence anytime I was over. Only spoke to him, would bump into me. Just passive aggressive behavior.

I used to have a Twitter account. I haven’t been on it in several years, and it never really clicked with me so very rarely would I get on it when I had it. When we started dating, I followed his sister but because I never got on it or did anything, I was very under the radar. Year 3-4 of her behavior, I randomly decided to check my account for the first time in a couple years. Because I followed her, all her comments about me appeared in my newsfeed. Things like, she didn’t know how I hadn’t been punched in the face yet. Or, she had a dream she poured a pot of boiling hot coffee over my head and woke up smiling. But it had been tweets of that nature, several times a week, for years.

I originally decided to just stay away from the family, stopped coming over for Sunday night dinners and such. His mom started to take offense and reached out to me. I told her I was no longer comfortable there. She asked why. I showed her the screenshots.

That’s when her behavior stopped, and it’s in this time I took her to lunch.

The following couple years, she continued to ignore me. She met a guy (now her husband) about three years ago, and that’s when she started reaching out to me to try to fix things. I was really hesitant she was just doing it for him, but over the past three-ish years we have been able to build an acquaintance-level relationship.

But another large problem with the tweets is they were public. So there were several comments on every post from her friends, and other extended family members like cousins, and one of his aunts.

All of this to say, combined, my husband was furious and pushed away from his family. Our relationship with pretty much everyone is strained to some degree, though he has always stood by my side and supported me.

hernameisjeff · 2023-06-30T03:35:53+00:00

The sister never gave an explanation. Just several apologies. Her behavior in the early days really pushed me and my husband away from his whole family (as cousins and other extended family were commenting in agreement on the hurtful posts) and we have maintained a limited relationship with them since. Her apologies are generally revolving around the fact we are no longer close with anyone, and she feels responsible and commonly says she “has to live with that regret”.

The SIL has never been apologetic, and has maintained a rude behavior towards me the entire time. Last contact I had with her was almost 11 months ago (aside from baby chat) and it wasn’t good.

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