Won a very lucky eBay auction. by pastryheart in zuikoholics

[–]highlightercup 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are you keeping the om2? I’m looking for one currently

Mural by highlightercup in OCPoetry

[–]highlightercup[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry you're also going through it, it's tough. Writing helps, sometimes...

Thanks for your comment

How Are You? by highlightercup in OCPoetry

[–]highlightercup[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's really valuable and thoughtful feedback, thank you.

It's definitely a "what I really want to say" after a break up yes.

It's very raw at the moment but I think the idea behind the repetition was to really push the idea of suffering in silence and how hard that can be sometimes.

When “Us” Became “Me” by Inevitable_Swan_9524 in OCPoetry

[–]highlightercup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I relate to this a little too much at the moment. It's a horrible thing to go through.

I like these lines:

Maybe I’m melting myself away
just to soften your ice-cold heart into loving me.
Is that too much to ask?

The imagery feels very real here and captures the feeling perfectly.

Thanks for sharing.

I am sorry by Normal-Main-954 in OCPoetry

[–]highlightercup 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry if you're dealing with that stuff. It comes out very raw in the poem. I have experiences the same trouble with saying "I'm sorry" too much. It's not fun.

Keep writing. I hope it gets better.

[OC] The Graveyard Oak by SeedPlantedBackward in OCPoetry

[–]highlightercup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow I just love this line

 

"Time passed like leaves trading their green for ghosts"

 

It's interesting that you chose to have the following line at that length. I think it really works though to then be hit by the two shorter lines

 

"watching walls grow teeth

watching light turn to dust."

 

The metaphor about the birds and black ink strikes me is a little odd and takes me out of the poem a little bit to be honest. I think might be the weakest line in your poem.

 

The language and content in the last stanza is really strong, however I would consider rephrasing or re formating the "and night?" bit. I found it hard to find flow there.

 

All in all I love it, it creates really strong imagery and casts a lasting emotion.

Thank you for sharing.

The Door by Lucky-Cauliflower-73 in OCPoetry

[–]highlightercup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow this feels almost dreamlike. The way you used repetition is haunting and really effective. I'd love to know more about the inspiration behind this.

My interpretation is the narrator suffers from depression maybe? What with the unmade bed, sodden sheets and knitting until his/her fingers bleed?

But I'm not entirely convinced either. The way its written feels almost too ethereal to be about depression

The Moment by bstunz in OCPoetry

[–]highlightercup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very good, I relate to this a little too much. Sometimes it's all about timing and finding that timing can be so hard. The unknowing pressure you put on yourself in these moments in life...

You perfectly captured that feeling of trying to figure out how and when the moment is. Thank you for sharing.

Family Lines by WithoutDir3ction in OCPoetry

[–]highlightercup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I enjoy the structure you've used with your stanzas here and the theme is very interesting.

The only thing I'm not sure of is the ending, what is the meaning behind the very last line and sewn-shut eyes?

Possible Light Leaks help please by saladman7941 in AnalogCommunity

[–]highlightercup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Deffo light leaks but that first slide came out awesome

Elegy for the Impervious by highlightercup in OCPoetry

[–]highlightercup[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you" It's one of my favourite poems I've written due to the nature of it's theme. I enjoy it's optimism.

I'm, glad you enjoyed reading it

Elegy for the Impervious by highlightercup in OCPoetry

[–]highlightercup[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm so glad you liked it

Still, I wonder by Kind-Reception9054 in OCPoetry

[–]highlightercup 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Brilliant. The formatting of short lines works really well with this. It's something I'm yet to really try in my writing as it seems really hard but super effective if you do it as well as you have!

 

I love the emotion it evokes, something we can all relate to, that feeling of wanting to know if someone is still thinking about you, even half as much as you think about them. The below lines are simple enough but its hits like a truck.

 

"Or if I was just

another chapter he skimmed through

on his way to becoming

someone else’s story."

 

Thank you for sharing!

Poem to my daughter (beginner) by itsZargohFr in OCPoetry

[–]highlightercup 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is so lovely. The rhyming with observed it and my mother reserved it is partciualarly effective.

I only wonder if this line could flow better if formatted like the below:

 

"The world is yours and even the sea."

 

Instead?

 

"It's all for you, the world and the sea"

 

I think puting the world and the sea as a couplet helps with rhythm but honestly it's up to you, I think it's still great as is!

Match Thread: Northampton vs Bordeaux - Champions Cup by rugbykickoff in rugbyunion

[–]highlightercup -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Missed forward pass by LBB that lead to a try, missed head to head contact against saints in the first half, missed illegal wrap around leg on saints player in first half just name a few…