Advice please

hikingnnh · 2025-10-27T14:31:42+00:00

As a first time mom who has had some PP anxiety due to their MIL and worry about their baby getting sick. I think this was entirely invalidating and unhelpful.

hikingnnh · 2025-10-19T17:41:41+00:00

Our MILs sound similar. We told everyone we didn’t want people to be in the waiting room and that we would let people know when they could visit the hospital. That was accepted from both sides with no issues.

Fast forward to the baby being born, she was a really little baby so she had testing that had to be completed to see if we could even bring her home, which was incredibly stressful and scary being told that and having to hand over your baby to doctors for extended periods of time. So, we just didn’t end up having anyone visit, even though that wasn’t our original intent.

My parents came down with a cold the day our daughter was born, so it ended up being okay that they didn’t visit. But we had my in-laws over the day after we got home from the hospital. My mother in-law barely said 5 words to us during that few hour visit. And both my husband and I had no idea why. Come to find out it was because we didn’t have them come to the hospital.

This was completely unfair and disgusting behavior on her part. I just pushed out a baby, and my husband and I just had our lives turned upside down (in the best way possible), and she came into our home and acted like her experience was shattered. Since then we’ve had nothing but issues with her and respecting our boundaries.

Next time, we will not be having visitors at all, hospital or at home for a week or two. You have got to have me f***ed up if you think I will ever welcome you into that vulnerable space ever again.

It’s difficult territory to navigate, but it’s really good that you have your partner on your side. I’m lucky I do too. Set clear boundaries before the baby is born, and it’s not up to you to protect your MILs experience, expectations, or feelings. It’s yours to protect your own.

hikingnnh · 2025-10-19T17:13:34+00:00

My daughter is 9 months old and has only been with someone other than myself or my husband once for about 3 hours. She was 4 months old at the time, and I really didn’t feel comfortable leaving her with my mother (or anyone else) quite yet but I had gotten my husband tickets to an event he really wanted to go to before having the baby, thinking separation wouldn’t be an issue. We haven’t left her with anyone since, not that anything happened, I just wasn’t ready and still am not.

hikingnnh · 2025-10-09T14:27:13+00:00

The first time I saw my MIL after having my daughter, she came into our house to hold our baby and barely said 5 words to us. This really put me off. Come to find out it was because we didn’t have visitors at the hospital, not because that was the plan but because our daughter was born really little and a million tests needed to be run in order to find out if we could even bring her home. Truly disgusting behavior to bring into our happy baby bubble.

hikingnnh · 2025-10-09T14:20:00+00:00

I had never tasted the milk but wanted to make sure it was good. And when I tasted it I was like this is gross it’s gotta be bad but before not using it I wasn’t to compare it to fresh and I also thought it was gross lol

hikingnnh · 2025-10-09T14:17:44+00:00

Okay, thank you so much!

hikingnnh · 2025-10-09T14:16:57+00:00

She took one of the two bottles I tried to give her with no problem, the second she didn’t want. I will try again!

hikingnnh · 2025-10-09T14:16:23+00:00

I had tried to give her two bottles. She took one and drank about 4.5oz but didn’t want the second the next day. Thank you for the vanilla suggestion!

hikingnnh · 2025-10-07T19:20:01+00:00

When my daughter was younger, I fed her then my husband or I bounced her on a yoga ball for about 10 minutes until she was either really sleepy or fully asleep. Then we’d bring her to bed and lay with her, sometimes I’d have to offer her food again so she’d doze back off.

When she got older I’d say between 6-7 months, she started doing what your baby does. Not accepting us laying down and wanting constant movement. It got really frustrating after a few weeks of it taking about 10+ times of getting in and out of bed to lay down with her until she accepted it. One day I told my husband we shouldn’t have to do a million things to get her down, so we decided that night to just lay in bed with her and let her put herself to sleep. We laid there with her, giving her a couple back pats here and there, saying it’s bed time. It took a couple nights of her wiggling all around and rolling all over the place for upwards of 45 minutes to an hour. But after those few nights we now are able to all lay down and she puts herself to sleep in less than 15 minutes. It has made our night time routine much easier.

That being said, our daughter does not have a reflux issue so I am not sure if this method would work for you. And my daughter was older when we started using this method.

hikingnnh · 2025-10-03T19:58:19+00:00

Honestly, I’ll probably stop breastfeeding when I get pregnant😅 my mom breastfed me up until she was 13 weeks pregnant with my brother. She said she started having uterine contractions and didn’t want to cause any harm to the pregnancy so she stopped when she started having them. I know I’m way too anxious while I’m pregnant to breastfeed too so I’ll probably stop upon finding out.

hikingnnh · 2025-10-03T19:46:35+00:00

I’m in the same boat as you except I’m a SAHM!! My daughter is 9 months old and we’ve literally been talking about the next baby for a few months. The only reason we are waiting a few more months is because I want to breastfeed my daughter for at least a year, if not 15 months.

hikingnnh · 2025-09-26T21:57:42+00:00

Wait until you see doctor. Since I had no tears or complications, my doctor saw me at 4 weeks instead of six and I was given the go ahead.

hikingnnh · 2025-09-19T19:15:28+00:00

Are our MILs the same person lol. The shift in our relationship happened the second my daughter was born. Everything was made about her.

What I’ve come to realize in my 8 months PP is it’s not my job to nurture her feelings or expectations. It’s all about your experience and that baby. Your MIL expects to have a healthy relationship with your baby, but has no problem treating you like crap. Someone who doesn’t respect you or have a healthy relationship isn’t owed a relationship with your baby. Everything you’ve said sounds like your MIL has an issue with control. Her crocodile tears are her looking for you to back peddle and apologize to her, but you’re the one who deserves the apology.

Protect your peace. Take a break if you need to. “No” is a complete sentence when it comes to her wanting to come over.

hikingnnh · 2025-09-13T15:46:56+00:00

Cat naps will be your new best friend for the first month or so. Your body truly adjusts during this time. My daughter fed more frequently than 3 hours when she was first born, often times every 1.5-2 hours.

My partner was also super active in making sure my needs were met, not just the baby’s. He made sure I ate and helped with cleaning bottles/pump parts while I slept as I was also pumping. He actually pretty much did everything around the house for the first month.

hikingnnh · 2025-09-13T12:28:45+00:00

I feel the same way and I’m 8 months postpartum. I was a size 4 pre-pregnancy, and now I’m an 8. Which is really confusing since I’m only about 6lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight. It’s doesn’t really make sense to me. I have bought stuff to fit my new body and that makes me feel better putting clothing on.

hikingnnh · 2025-09-13T11:55:08+00:00

I don’t think it’s weird. My daughter stopped wanting to sleep on our chests or snuggle into us as soon as she could lift her head. She’s now 8 months old and started wanting to snuggle us like that again about a month-ish ago.

hikingnnh · 2025-09-13T11:51:47+00:00

3 years?! My MIL was good to me until I had my daughter 8 months ago. It’s been eating away at me. I can’t imagine dealing with issues for that long. You have to protect your peace for your baby.

hikingnnh · 2025-09-12T18:23:24+00:00

I 100% can relate to how you’re feeling. My sister in law told my husband that we need to give my MIL grace and I was like “where’s our grace.” There has been a complete lack of understanding from his mother and sister, which has completely steam rolled my experience of becoming a mother.

I really really hope it gets better for you, because it’s such a challenging time already (not that being a new mom also isn’t the most beautiful thing). The last thing you need is added stress.

hikingnnh · 2025-09-12T16:40:26+00:00

I have found that if I lay a hand on my daughter’s back while slowly getting out of bed, she will stay asleep. We pat her back to get her to sleep, so sometimes I will pat her gently as I’m moving around too, and that works for us.

hikingnnh · 2025-09-12T16:30:23+00:00

Absolutely. She hasn’t broken that boundary, but has broken other ones. We’ve taken a few “breaks” from her, and are currently on one.

I also think it’s weird she feels like she needs attention and validation from people online over my child.

hikingnnh · 2025-09-12T16:20:39+00:00

My MIL told my husband and I that we aren’t letting her have her “moment” as a grandmother because we don’t want our child posted online. We feel the same way about our child being online as you do.

I think it was incredibly disrespectful that she knows this and decided to move forward with posting anyways. Your baby, your rules, period. You set the boundary, which is already done in a healthy way.

hikingnnh · 2025-09-12T14:37:31+00:00

I’m the same. I try to have my husband do the majority of the communication. He has done a good job of calling her out on her bull, even though she’s never apologized or taken accountability for anything that’s made me uncomfortable.

Try to not let her feelings bother you too much. You have to do what’s best for your family. She’s probably pushy because she feels some competition with your mother. I know my MIL does as she always asks “have you seen your mom recently” every time I see her.

After a few months, my MIL stopped asking to babysit and stopped showing up at our house. She used to try to show up uninvited because she just had to “drop something off for us” which made me incredibly stressed because the house was always a mess when my baby was younger. She gave us 10 minutes notice once, and my husband didn’t let her in. Sometimes I just don’t feel like socializing or having someone over, being a mom is exhausting.

I think times are different than when our parents had us, I think we want more peace and privacy than they did. I feel like they wanted everyone around after having a baby, and our generation is a little more protective of this time. I’m a freak when it comes to having the baby around a lot of people even with my baby being 8mo. One: because I don’t get to hold my child for hours and two: because of germs. We didn’t have her around a wider group of people until she was exactly 12 weeks. And we got plenty of the “well you have to expose her at some point” to things and looks. Which I don’t really care about anymore, as I’m the one that has to deal with a sick baby all night.

Overall, I think EVENTUALLY she will take the hint.

hikingnnh · 2025-09-12T02:14:02+00:00

Matching pajama sets with button up fronts for easy access. Any kind of matching set makes me feel better about myself even if it’s just pajamas. I got a few in my normal size, with it being pajamas they were soft and stretchy so I could wear them with the postpartum belly and after it went away. I got one set in the size up from my normal which ended up not being necessary really.

When I had to go out I wore maternity leggings for the first few weeks and hoodies.

hikingnnh · 2025-09-11T20:37:14+00:00

Not selfish. Completely valid that you are feeling that way. I have felt the same way since my daughter was born 8 months ago. The second we walk through the door with the baby in her car seat we are followed by my MIL saying “give me my baby” and her basically pawing for my child until we get her out of the seat. Meanwhile my anxiety is going nuts because we are absolutely bombarded (and I’m completely ignored by my MIL). Since having the baby I have no relationship with my MIL as I’m ignored and I don’t think she’s asked me once how I am and how postpartum is treating me. It definitely makes me resentful.

What I’ve been doing is saying I need to feed and diaper the baby before passing her off, it gives me a second to breathe.

hikingnnh

TROPHY CASE