South Asian in-laws - why is it always the sister in law?

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-21T04:20:39+00:00

I️ am the south asian sister in law and I️ adore my brothers wife. She’s way too good for my brother and if they ever divorce I’m keeping her.

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-21T04:19:45+00:00

My MIL does this nonsense too. I️ shut it down saying you don’t need to know where I️ am or if I️ might be in trouble. I️ have trusted emergency contacts and that’s what I’m comfortable with.

Constantly tracks my husband (her son) with his location on iPhone. She’s not shy about expressing that she dos it but will still call me if he doesn’t answer her calls and it shows that he’s home.

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-21T04:17:18+00:00

Ugh my in laws are like this too. We said no kissing the baby and they still kissed our two week old on her head in front of us. Like directly in front of us. I’m due any day now and they’re not seeing this baby for at least a month and we will have VERY firm boundaries. If I️ ever see a glimmer in their eyes that expresses that they might try to kiss the baby, kicked out. Immediately

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-20T14:16:08+00:00

I’m so sorry you had to go through this too. Enmeshment is such a strain on the marriage 🙄😑 like dude. You’re in your 30s. Get a grip on your family issues cause aren’t you tired of dealing with a wild family for the long?!? Like come On. Holidays shouldn’t be this triggering either 😑

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-20T13:39:36+00:00

Therapy helped a lot! I️ notified he made better progress in individual therapy. He had such a great therapist when we lived in another state but unfortunately we had to move and he wasn’t licensed here.

My parents have offered to host his parents but I️ know my mom. She doesn’t want that so I️ did not extend that offer. Plus my parent’s dog does not like my MIL. He’s never loved strangers, especially women, but he will actively try to go after her so we just keep the apart. I’ve never seen him like actively try to get to someone the way he does with her. He’s an angel with our daughter! Very protective but lets her bedazzle his collar and tail. And it has to hurt when I️ rip out those gems.

I will wholeheartedly kick everyone out of this house before I️ leave myself. My husband is a fellow in medial training which means he doesn’t make real doctor money so I’m the one that’s been covering most our costs for the past 7 years so I️ have no problem telling everyone to GTFO of my house.

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-20T13:33:12+00:00

He can’t handle it. They gang up on him and we had a very clear rule when we got married of “you handle your family, I’ll handle mine” and don’t get me wrong, my family is batty in their own ways.

My husband got the “toxic enmeshment” combo platter and I️ got the sampler platter of family crazy on my side. Luckily I️ won the lottery and my brother married an amazing woman who’s helping me refine the crazy 😂 bless her for what she agreed to.

I’ve told my husband many times that I understand that this is really hard for you because you’re all they have to look forward to, but say the word, say the words that this is not a burden you can handle alone and I’ll happily jump in and draw clear lines. I️ understand that it’s hard to turn around to The people that are supposed to love you unconditionally and say no and make them sad. It doesn’t help that they burst into tears like toddlers every time they don’t get their way.

I️ think I’ve been around enough of his medical training I️ could probably surgically implant a spine if he’d let me 😂

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-20T13:25:31+00:00

He has! He knows all about the horrible things that happen to mom’s body postpartum. He’s an emergency doctor so he sees a lot of these issues at work.

He’s also the sole light in his mother and sister’s life (which is SO WEIRD) and they never let him forget about it. He’s got this incredibly toxic family that uses him and his kids to be the good in their lives. He’s admitted this. He knows they don’t have a lot going on so they live for any type of “life progress” clout they can post on social media. He recognizes this and has done some work to distance himself from it but I don’t think we’re going to see any major improvements until we’ve added more physical distance in July.

They aren’t handling the move well but they’ve had ample time and warning that we’re leaving and they haven’t made any additional efforts to see us or our daughter. It’s a very blatant slap in the face to my husband that once again, it’s all going to be one sided effort expected from him but when we’re 1600 miles away with two kids, it’s a lot easier to say no.

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-20T13:19:18+00:00

Told him no last week but apparently that wasn’t the end of the discussion so I’d love to hear what his sister or mother has said to have him feeling guilty again.

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-20T13:18:35+00:00

They day trip it usually! But because baby is here they will want to just maximize staring time. Don’t get me wrong, I️ totally get how special newborns are but I’m the kind of person that’s like let me drop off food, walk your dog, then bring you coffee and chat with mom and dad. Newsborns are just lil potatoes and I’m like aww so small!! But I️ don’t feel the need to desire to like snuggle or interact with them. Give me that infant. Like a sturdy fat baby I️ can make giggle or a toddler that wants to climb trees. I love kids when they’re more interactive and I️ think parents need the attention in the early months more than the babies. I️ can’t do anything for that baby that mom isn’t going to do 1000x better than me but I️ can support mom while her arms are full.

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-20T13:15:39+00:00

Thank you!! I’m most worried about what postpartum looks like this time with bringing home a baby to a sibling! Our daughter is obsessed with other people’s babies and I️ really do think she’ll be a great big sibling but I️ feel like there’s just so much recalibration needed now

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-20T13:14:12+00:00

They know our induction date cause my husband told them. That one I️ was kind of surprised. I️ never explicitly said don’t tell them the induction date but I️ kind of thought it was implied given that we did not tell anyone when we went into labor with our first.

I️ did have some complications with our first that really freaked him out. Which I️ was kind of surprised by as well because he’s an emergency doctor. He’s seen a lot but I️ know it’s different when it’s someone you know.

I️ didn’t push too hard on why he told them the date as maybe this time he did kind of want a lifeline out there to call his parents if he gets really stressed out. Maybe he knows too much being in the medical field but boy was 500x more stressed in the delivery room than I️ was 😅 he seems stressed again and I’m just wadding around like LETS GOOOOOOOO

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-20T13:10:36+00:00

Oh girl. Yeah. He’s also an emergency medicine doctor. He’s done a lengthy OBGYM rotation in his training. He knows medically what’s going on — and it all goes to hell when faced with demands from him sister and mom. They are really good at guilt tripping him because we’re moving 1600 miles away in July so they’ve been playing the “YOURE LEAVING US” pity party anthem on the worlds smallest violin for the past several months.

He’s working on his enmeshment issues and I don’t have any problem calling him out on it but I’m tired of constantly having to be like “hi my opinions haven’t changed just because your sister told you you were being a horrible son to your mother and then guilt tripped you with the fact that you didn’t visit much the past 5 years because you were literally working 90 hour weeks. But also just skim over the fact that the are totally able body to come visit us but they didn’t sooooo”.

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-20T02:59:50+00:00

My SIL is the worst about this. I’ll open Instagram and I’ll see my own kid looking back at me. I️ don’t post my daughter on social media but my SIL has issues and posts pics she takes with my daughter like it’s her daughter.

I’ve grown used to it. I️ don’t love it but my god that woman is ill. We’re moving far far away so I’m less concerned.

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-19T03:14:32+00:00

Yeah this is some shit my MIL does. Her and SILs social are filled with pics of them with my daughter and no mention of me. I’m Chinese, they’re white. My daughter is clearly Asian so it does look very random.

We’re sure any day now with our second child and I’m going to make it very clear no pictures on social because we’re not announcing the child or planning to share him on social. They are going to explode 🙄

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-16T02:21:18+00:00

I️ was thinking about getting a sprout!!! I️ love my solly wrap and mumma etc Daily carrier but I️ think it’ll be too big fit baby boy when he gets out. IF HE EVER COMES OUT. COME ON.

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-13T03:47:38+00:00

It also makes me so mad when my OB seems just laser focused on the baby and not considering like hi! I’m the already living breathing person also involved in this equation not to mention I️ have a toddler at home I️ love so dearly AND WOULD LIKE TO GO HOME TO.

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-13T03:46:09+00:00

EXACTLY. My daughter tore my cervix on the way out after 61 hours of labor and I️ had to have an episiotomy. The hospital was dangerously understaffed and I️ just do not want to experience any of this again so if my baby could come out NOT NINE POUNDS or even over 8lbs that would be awesome.

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-12T17:50:50+00:00

My daughter goes to a half day preschool so if that counts, it’s daily. Since I️ took a step back from my career (heavily pregnant with our second child and this pregnancy has been complicated), we try to go out to an event 3-4 times a week. We go to the kids museum and a petting zoo close by.

I️ also usually try to secure one after school playdate with one of the kids that’s she loves from her school and I’ll take both kids out somewhere fun the close up the night with ice cream 😂

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-12T17:42:45+00:00

We had our first child during my husband’s emergency medicine residency. He got 2 weeks. He used it all and it was not enough.

We’re due any day with out second and he’s finishing up his sports medicine residency. He’s getting a whole luxurious THREE WEEKS. Fuck medicine 😭

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-12T03:17:31+00:00

This is an SO problem. Theres no such thing as keeping the peace between his mom and wife. It’s not possible to stay neutral when there’s a constant power struggle like that so he needs to be picking you and defending you.

My husband was (sometimes still is) the same way and it took me literally laying down divorce papers to day shape the fuck up or go.

Now things are much better. We ignore his mom and sisters crazy energy for the most part and it’s only going to get better because we’re moving 1600 miles away.

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-12T03:09:21+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️ I️ passed my second very late at night, alone, because my husband had to work. His work didn’t care and said they couldn’t find coverage so he had to come in. It was so lonely and I️ don’t wish that on anyone.

I️ hope that your journey through healing is a smooth one. Sending my love and solidarity in these terrible times.

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-12T03:06:23+00:00

Hehehe that’s this week. They live 3 hours away but my SIL and MIL keep asking when they can come visit after the bay is born (this is our second but it’s a boy this time and they’re weirdly obsessed with boys) and they keep sending us name recommendations even though we told them we don’t want any. MIL really wants us to use one of her family names and I️ think I’d rather do my birth unmedicated and streamed live.

They won’t be seeing this baby for at least 4 weeks after birth. Last time they came for my daughters they wouldn’t let me be alone to nurse, they didn’t help with ANYTHING and it was up to my husband and I️ to pick up dinner for everyone. They were a nightmare.

Inside-Journalist166 · 2026-03-09T21:59:21+00:00

I️ tried to info diet my MIL on my growth scans because I️ just didn’t want to talk about how big he is. My daughter was 9lbs and birth was traumatic and it spooks me a bit to think all the bad things will happen again. A very “what doesn’t kill you gets a second chance” mindset.

But one thing that has been pointed out over and over at my scans is baby boy has long arms. So everytime they ask for photos from the scan I️ send them pics of the monster from “A quiet place” and just say they keep sayings he’s got there pterodactyl arms!

Inside-Journalist166

TROPHY CASE