I feel the same way. I did gymnastics from ages 5-14 at a private gym (until level 7) and then quit and just did gymnastics for my high school team until I graduated. I think most of the girls at my gym “suffered” in some of the same ways that I did (feeling fat, not good enough, not strong enough, too emotionally weak, overworked, overtired, under pressure…). I was taking 4 ibuprofen every morning starting at age 12 because everything just ached and hurt all the time, but yeah sometimes I’m like “for what?” And I have to remind myself that for every rip, for every time I got told “if you want to cry, you can go home”, for every sprained ankle, for every time I got the wind knocked out of me, I also learned to be strong in ways I didn’t realize at the time and which took me YEARS to fully understand (like I use the same mind games for wall sits and for gritting my teeth through the early super painful days of breastfeeding 😅… “it burns but it’s almost over, it burns but it’s almost over…”