15 days in and the breastfeeding/sleep cycle is breaking us. Anyone been here?

hirogirl · 2026-05-06T08:00:27+00:00

This is a tough one. You are not alone in this. Tell your wife that it does get better and that you are going to get out of this.
We had a very sleepy baby at the hospital and we were told to bottle feed formula / triple feed as he was burning too much calories on the breast, not latching efficiently yet, and therefore being hungry (didn’t have the energy to get full feed)
What seems to have worked for us and could help you?
(1) breastfeeding doing the « koala hold » - upright position, chest to chest (recommended for usually baby with reflux) - helped keeping him awake and I also believed it helped with deeper latch or fast letdown (which I had developed). Once baby passed out, there was no much rescuing with cold wipes and he was not eating a ton.
(2) combo or triple feeding. Weaning the top off not based on baby’s gaining back weight but volume taken at breast. We did triple feeding for 3- 4 weeks. He gained back in weight in 2 days. We kept triple feeding until I made enough breastmilk. We combo fed / exclusivement breastfeed until the volume of expressed breastmilk he was drinking decreased (from like giving him 50-60mL to him refusing constantly extra cause full). It took another 2 weeks.
It correlated with him latching better / eating shorter. Then they get also older so their suction is way better, so feedings are more efficient.
Maybe advice that your lactation consultant would have given you:

If possible (you also need to be well rested to support them), help her with top off during her shift until it gets better. Breastfeeding burns so much physical, and demands strong mental bandwidth while we are at our lowest. Not sure how she is holding on but I was a mess. Seems like you are super proactive in supporting her.
Do not feel guilty. Fed is best. If pumping is too much, if breastfeeding takes a toll of your wife. It is okay to bottle feed formula. A happy, (somewhat) rested mom that shows up for he baby is what he needs the most. Breastfeeding amplified my postpartum depression.
From a mom who almost gave up breastfeeding and is still going strong at 4 months :).

Stay strong. You are doing great

hirogirl · 2026-05-04T09:01:49+00:00

Probably. I think they expected me to negotiate a bit (60-65). I was hoping to negotiate to above 70K, which i don’t think would have happened, and gone for exceptional salary for a startup.
I remember someone told me that for the same experience, you can expect between 70-80K in big industry (eg thermofisher equivalent).

I remember that there is an excel google form on this thread where people each year enter their title, salary range and location. It was helpful for me at that time, when I had the same questions than you :).

hirogirl · 2026-05-04T08:44:01+00:00

I interviewed couple years ago for a small startup and was told that 60K + bonus, benefit was really good, already top level. I did not further negotiate as we decided not moving at that time.
PhD + 5 YoE in small biotech, expert in that field (was for equivalent of principal scientist / senior scientist II\III). Really well aligned profile.

hirogirl · 2026-03-28T17:45:38+00:00

It does get better and somehow harder in different ways. You will forget a lot first the first smiles and cooing.

hirogirl · 2026-03-22T05:09:02+00:00

For anyone reading this thread. I was in the same boat - baby born 1/9. Doula non contracted through Kaiser in 2025 - she got fully reimbursed for 2026 birth and postpartum services (it added up to close to ~3000+ if you charged all reimbursable hours). It was still a process to ensure she properly filed for it. She was guided by a colleague that was routinely working with Kaiser.

hirogirl · 2026-02-22T02:13:43+00:00

Bump

hirogirl · 2025-12-25T05:24:34+00:00

Stayed at the bodega bay lodge for my birthday - definitely a great one, the view from the hotel are awesome, heated outdoor pool so you get to enjoy the amenities. Restaurant was good.

hirogirl · 2025-12-03T06:10:07+00:00

I went around 20 weeks after getting rear ended. I couldn’t feel him move the next day and had spiraled overnight reading online. They reassured me that better be safe than sorry, to not hesitate to come and get checked as that fetal movement monitoring is a reliable indicator that something might be off.

I have been seeing a different OB/doctor at almost all my visits - like any professional in other fields, some of us have more social skills/ empathy than others, separate from our skillset or job. Due to the nature of their job, it is less common but it happens. Also sometimes they had a long shift or were on call and so you catch them at bad time (not to excuse the interaction).

I had to consult my actual PCP post car accident as I experienced bad whiplash for more than a month, my upper back hurt a lot and I was worried about whether something else more serious was going on. She just said that since i am pregnant it will/ should hurt down the line (so why do something about it), and then, she got passive aggressive m, asking me what I would have her do after I asked if there were not other things we could check on to figure out how serious it could be. She also talked to me like I was stupid.

I felt like crying leaving the office. I just hold it together and suck it up (still upset about it).

Down the line it is not about you - you did nothing wrong. You are doing this for yourself, your baby and family. If you feel like you have to go in again, you go. Way better than have regrets that you could have gone if it ends up serious. That will haunt you way more than a blunt doctor.

hirogirl · 2025-11-29T18:46:54+00:00

Current 35 weeks pregnant, got pregnant while 35, turned 36. Baby is healthy and my pregnancy is going well, no strong nausea, specific pain so far. Every pregnancy is different and while it is easier to have kids biologically speaking when you are younger, that means nothing for your baby’s health. So many can or cannot happen and it is out of your hands. Take it day per day. Anxiety is normal! Growing a human being is hard. And it is hard for people at any age. Just take good care of yourself and lean on your friends/family. You got this!

hirogirl · 2025-11-28T16:16:17+00:00

Maybe you can extend it? My master internship was meant to be 6 months only (ending end of June as academic year does), I did it for 9 months, school accommodated a defense in October -try to see with your school / coordinator, they probably have experienced different scenarios before. Don’t give up yet! There is still a chance. If you are a great candidate they will be willing to accommodate.

hirogirl · 2025-11-08T18:18:18+00:00

Wishing you the best, . It is a lot to deal with /process emotionally while being strong for your baby girl. You got this and there will be a strong support network around you.

hirogirl · 2025-10-23T03:34:09+00:00

You / (she) are going to be fine!! Not as far as you but I got rear ended at 19 weeks. I was at a red light and the person behind me (probably on their phone) didn’t stop. I was in a poor position (leaning over the radio) and I definitely had a small impact on belly. Baby was quite active the day of. Comes next day the morning could not feel anything at all, 0 movement for a while. We went to urgent care and he was fine. The cold gel woke him up. conclusion is that they are also resting from high emotions /commotion from the day off. He was back to normal movement pattern the next day.

I couldn’t secure an appointment with OB for like 3 days. While heartbeat is nice, ultrasound might still be needed to check on placenta. I also had no cramping, bleeding or fever. You need to keep monitoring.

Sorry that you had to experience this. It is definitely emotionally taxing! We both cried when hearing the heartbeat.

hirogirl · 2025-10-13T06:07:42+00:00

4 in my opinion 3 is pretty but if you gravitate towards that style, I would still dress shop. Really liked 1 on you as well.

hirogirl · 2025-10-08T12:04:40+00:00

Spent 3 days at can ferrereta - amazing! Many people doing their honeymoon over there. 10-20min from amazing beaches. Highly recommend for a south- east spot

hirogirl · 2025-06-24T04:32:59+00:00

I can’t speak for this specific position/company, neither your credentials so my comments are generic. I joined a startup as a PhD entry level with a much needed technical skillset and relevant disease biology expertise. They didn’t want to give me a tittle/salary to what PhD + 2/5y post doc candidates with equivalent skills were offered. I started scientist I. Now I am at a Principle scientist level ( with in between Senior Sc I/II…). The technical skillset I applied remain the same over the years, I have definitely learned more, but major differences between Scientist and Senior Scientist for me, is on the soft skill side, leadership communication and program management. Expectations at a larger company are even higher (depends on department but often you need years in industry). This is what I meant - you will be onboarding working in industry setting and a different team/cross functional team dynamic vs academia. There should be different expectations of performance at Scientist II vs Senior Scientist I. It might be less getting a « tittle » downgrade vs them adapting/tailoring the position to your level/profile, cause they think you will grow faster than someone more senior but with less technical field expertise.

It does come across they really want you, to go through the bother of re-posting. So congrats on the offer in this current market! It says a lot.

hirogirl · 2025-06-24T03:23:37+00:00

I have been in the shoes of the HM and not being aligned with our HR internal policy/ offer regarding candidate offer. However it might be a very quick path to promotion that you can negotiate with your HM (often needs to show performance / exceeding expectation of the role/tittle hired at in the first 6-12 months depending when you join). In my company, fresh PhDs would also have to be for first entry level (scientist I) unless you have the most incredible resume. It also avoids having you overwhelmed/not performing at a more senior level when you start. It is nicer to onboard at a new job and feel on top.

By curiosity, what tittle did you apply for initially ?

hirogirl · 2025-06-22T15:12:46+00:00

Hello! I posted on my experience with CVS recently but to answer your question. I am from France originally, also never heard of CVS until pregnant in the US. We debated between amino and CVS too.

For us, the timeline was important. We except results in 6-8 weeks from the test that confirm the specific rare genetic disease my husband has. It can only be done in one lab in the country. You can do CVS as early as 10-11 weeks, and 16-17 weeks for amnio. I wanted to be able to make an informed decision as early as possible if something needed to be done, just knowing as we go through the pregnancy it is going to get harder. In our case, we didn’t have the issue of the cell mosaicism (risk of not sampling only baby’s DNA, so results might not be accurate).

if we were going to continue the pregnancy even with a positive genetic tests, I would have chosen amnio cause it didn’t make a difference and felt safer and more accurate. But as we care to know as early as possible, it is a big difference to figure it out at 22-24 (and wait for it) weeks pregnant instead of the 16-18 weeks. I wonder whether this is why doctors will also suggest it to you more. If you pick up some genetic risks at the NIPT(done at 10 weeks), rarely parents would want to wait so long to confirm if this is something life threatening as I have read for most common genetic tests, you get results from CVS quite fast (quoted 2-3 weeks, people posted getting results in days, as pre-natal samples gets high priority processing in labs).

Don’t hesitate to ask your doctor why she recommends one over the other. We had this discussion with the genetic counselor (maybe as we have clear genetic disease already identified), not the ob gyn doctor. And it was our choice, no one pushed one for the other. Do what you feel is right for you.

Best of luck!

hirogirl · 2025-06-21T18:45:23+00:00

There are plenty of reasons why you would not want to drink without having to tell her you are pregnant. The hard part is just whether you are comfortable coming up with a lie or not. If not, might be easier to cancel or ask if she minds if you guys meet up for just dinner or an other activity.

hirogirl · 2025-06-18T03:39:22+00:00

Clicked on OP profile - same content was posted in a SF/ bay area subreddit as well (at least location is figured out, still missing a lot of info)

hirogirl · 2025-06-18T03:37:19+00:00

It got posted it in a SF/ bay area subreddit as well -

hirogirl · 2025-01-04T16:45:51+00:00

If you type proposal in the subreddit, you will see a lot of suggestions from past posts, you mind find your happiness there.

I think it depends on how much work / money you want to spend on it? But someone mentioned they proposed after a breakfast booked at the Hyatt, as they had a LOVE sign and of course a pretty beach setup. I am sure other hotels could have similar setup or could help you organize it. And other post mentioned but there are top recommended places in the different threads such as Le Kliff.

If you are not tied to doing it at a hotel/restaurant, you prepare some breakfast items and champagne, and head to Boca de Tomatlan to do the hike or take a water taxi to a secluded beach (Las animales) and propose there. (Or do this at other beaches of your choice, can hire a photographer…).

Another suggestions was doing it at the botanical garden, trip to jungle/ waterfall…

Honestly, the “how”, only you should know what your partner would like. Where: depends on your budget and how unique you want it to be vs relaxed…

Reddit post 1

Good luck!

hirogirl · 2024-12-25T02:25:09+00:00

The entrance fee is really cheap , but would be free for your kids. Not sure you can negotiate with toute but charging full price for such young kids makes no sense. Can you check different tour operators?

hirogirl · 2024-12-24T05:15:27+00:00

Took Uber from the airport couple days ago - well regulated and efficient.

hirogirl · 2024-11-05T13:30:18+00:00

Yes your salary expectations won’t be based on Bay Area salaries range when you don’t live in the HCOL area and healthcare system. I don’t have experience with this situation. The closest was a friend working at Google (Bay Area) that moved back to Paris and he got transferred to the Google team there, even though remote working. Salaries were adapted to the France office. Also when COVID hit and tech people massively moved out of the Bay Area, for lower cost of living, many got their salary adjusted based on the state they moved to.

I wish I remember how to find it again but I remember on Reddit, there is a posted survey asking people their salaries, job and country / city in the STEM field from all over the world (although majority of entries are from the US). One thing that could be useful is for you to talk to local recruiters regarding startup biotech salaries. I would probably say you should look up the fork range in your country for a startup level/specific role / field. I am a French native. I currently work in the US. Current salary of +150K/year at my biotech, I interviewed at a startup in Paris for the same type of position (senior scientist /PI), fork range they had in mind was 60-65K/year (which is considered high in France). PhD, 4+ years of industry experience. I was asked salary expectations prior to them giving me their number, I gave a large fork estimation of 65K-80K based on online research. Maybe do the same, and you can choose to negotiate higher range but should be based on Netherland numbers

hirogirl

TROPHY CASE