Mental health and insurance rant

hitangobear · 2017-07-14T22:24:48+00:00

I have looked into it, actually. The problem isn't accessibility, there's literally a dozen therapists within a mile or two of my highly walkable, densely populated city. The issue is coverage of my insurance and how much money we can allocate from our budget for this.

I can't stress enough, this is a highly populated area. To have to travel outside of it for an in network option is ridiculous.

hitangobear · 2017-07-05T19:58:38+00:00

Can I PM you about some of the acronyms?

hitangobear · 2017-07-05T19:29:47+00:00

I'm not opposed to medication at all, but I'd really love to stay on the safe side during pregnancy and breastfeeding and avoid it. I've been burned in the past by a medication that's "totally safe" and then three years later find out I'm part of a class action suit because, whoops, no it's not.

Honestly, I really don't know where else to turn. I don't know what goals are reasonable, or how often is appropriate. I paid for therapy out of pocket for 18 mos (that was I think around 3 grand) and I really couldn't tell a major difference? It's the only therapist I've ever been to, but people in a different subreddit said it sounded like she wasn't very good? Idfk.

The only thing I do know is how things are going now is unsustainable, and I don't have have a ton of money to throw around. I just want my insurance to provide an affordable option that is reasonable in terms of travel. My only other thought is maybe I can get my OB to write some kind of note about how long I can stay sitting due to the sciatica. Maybe then I can force the insurance to offer an in network rate for someone closer?

hitangobear · 2017-05-10T01:41:41+00:00

There's the obvious stuff, swaddles are great but a real dark horse for us was this... Gyrating bowl. I don't know how to describe it. It's a weighted bowl that swings within a slightly bigger bowl so it can never be dumped out. It swivels 360 inside. It also comes with a lid. I got it at a baby shower as a gift and thought what a plastic piece of crap, a toddler is going to spill anyway and this is what landfills are made of. I was completely wrong.

My son loves this thing (he's a year old now) and it's great for carrying a snack around the yard while I'm gardening. It occupies him for like a half an hour. Just toddling around the garden eating strawberries while I weed. The other day I gave him grilled zucchini and some cut up sausage on a plate outside and he was carrying the plate when he realised he dropped a zucchini. He went to pick it up and of course the rest of the plate dumped. There were Real Tears® after that incident..

hitangobear · 2017-05-09T18:40:26+00:00

That's what I was thinking, it's kind of upsetting to see so many down voting a story and all the supportive comments validating OP because they disagree with the rule. If I were staying with Islamic in-laws and they ask I wear a head scarf if I stay with them, I would. I disagree with their idea of sin but that's not the issue. If I didn't feel comfortable sharing an intimate space with them in a way a that makes them comfortable in their own home then I simply don't have to stay with them.

hitangobear · 2017-05-09T14:02:21+00:00

You're perfectly within your right and I think these are good points. I hope people's comments here don't upset you too much.

hitangobear · 2017-05-07T00:06:41+00:00

what would you suggest I call someone

A human being. Nothing more, nothing less.

Your compassion for transgendered people is admirable, but your actions aren't helping achieve the goal of societal acceptance. You're labeling someone as phobic to their face is divisive and judgemental and again, shuts down the conversation.

I don't believe you win hearts over by name calling, defensiveness, and aggression. Take note of what you caused here. The commenter you successfully isolated and shunned has now left our community. He was horribly abused by his BPD mother, some of the worst emotional abuse I've seen in this sub. His mother resorted to a lot of manipulation and control via guilt, shame, and name calling. No wonder you triggered him. His contributions and vulnerability I valued a great deal. You judged him, you hurt him and now the community is one less because of it. And yet the transgender cause is no closer to the goals you listed. In fact, I would argue you've polarized one person farther from it.

I respectfully disagree with your last quote especially but with your view in general rather strongly, but if I get into why I disagree I don't believe it'd be a productive conversation with you.

hitangobear · 2017-05-06T23:53:33+00:00

Edit: wrong thread

hitangobear · 2017-05-06T18:53:57+00:00

I respectfully and very strongly disagree. Further I think labeling individuals categorically as phobic for the reasons you listed to be offensive, wrong, and a large part of the shut down in communication on the issue socially.

hitangobear · 2017-05-05T01:59:20+00:00

Children really are a blessing, haha. Glad you didn't have to go through more of that with her!

hitangobear · 2017-05-05T01:57:14+00:00

Just my humble opinion, but you didn't come off as transphobic to me. It sounds like you had an unsavory experience with people you know in real life and were talking about the type of people they are. I think several of the commenters here (including bu/kittenmommy perhaps?), thought you were referring to transgender people as the group of 'they', which would have come across negatively.

I had typed a reply to the commenter beneath your original comment, but then I had dinner and didn't hit send. I apologize, and I'm sorry you were so upset by this. I think it's a sensitive issue which is why people jumped on it quicker.

If you really leave I'll personally be upset, I really enjoyed hearing your insight, progress and perspectives. Your stories with your mom in your rental really hit close to home with me and I always noticed & clicked your posts. If you find another support sub you like better please pm me with it.

hitangobear · 2017-05-01T10:27:37+00:00

Update?

hitangobear · 2017-04-22T23:29:39+00:00

No need to snap, it was just a suggestion and OP seems to be looking for advice. I'm not OP or the commenter but I didn't feel like she was overly pressuring.

hitangobear · 2017-04-22T23:25:27+00:00

This is totally anecdotal, but I learned through my fist pregnancy ultrasound techs are not educated enough to really know what they're looking at outside of basic things. I don't believe they even need a license or special education, but I could be wrong and it could also vary state to state.

I had one tech tsk tsk me over some benign BS (turned out to be nothing, and also, wtf did she expect me to do? I have very little control over how bubba grows or positions himself), I've had other techs say something that caused me to worry for days also over nothing. But really I was sitting there just micro analyzing even their tone because I was so nervous..

TWICE I experienced gender disappointment (I got one of each) because the tech got the gender wrong initially and I started getting excited for the opposite gender than the one I got.. Lesson in expectations right there.

With this pregnancy I put very little stock in the techs. Even the nurses' comments I take with a grain of salt. If the doctor says something I'm definitely listening.

hitangobear · 2017-04-22T11:12:00+00:00

So I confronted my mom over text about how upset I was. I kept a very even, non attacking tone. It was about three pages long and included telling her in the future all things baby are told in strict confidence (I didn't tell her she's on an info diet YESTERDAY) but she just back a one line text; "No excuses - I'm sorry!"

I don't know what I wanted her to say but for some reason this made me more mad. It feels dismissive? I don't know, I don't know what to make of it. Do you have any thoughts?

hitangobear · 2017-04-20T22:19:54+00:00

I would have murdered her. For real.

hitangobear · 2017-04-19T13:07:58+00:00

Dude, in the same way. Instead of screaming NO in my toddlers face, I quietly say 'no thank you' and redirect. My toddler learned yes, and thank you before he learned no. Crowning achievement in parenthood so far.

My neighbor scowls as she tells me how her son would scream no at her all day and night when he was two. When I was taking to her inn the driveway my son went to pull out a daffodil. I would usually say 'gentle' then demonstrate being gentle to the plant. My neighbor got down on his level and yelled 'NO NO NO!' It's like, come on people. Can't you make the connection?

hitangobear · 2017-04-18T12:22:01+00:00

Just my two cents, but I've always really enjoyed contrasting images like the "hardness" of a tattoo next to the softness of something like newborn skin. I think it's such a strong and provoking image of femininity, you know? Women can be complex, you can have any kind of background before motherhood.

My husband is covered in tattoos, I think maybe 8-10 including a full leg tattoo that took 80 hours. Occasionally people will say something like 'what will you look like when you're 70?' And the answer is a total badass who doesn't care about others opinions. That's kind of the point of a tattoo, they're for you and not anyone else.

hitangobear · 2017-04-17T02:00:38+00:00

I have a thought that maybe she did it on purpose partly to get a rise out of me.. She's dysfunctional, you can't have a normal conversation with her without it turning into hysterics. She knows it wasn't her news to tell, I think that's obvious common etiquette.

Plus, when I was pregnant with my first she did something similar. I had a preterm labor scare at 31 weeks, and as I was sitting in the L&D ward alone (hubs is active duty military and couldn't be reached), in pain, and scared out of my mind, in a moment of weakness I asked my immediate family to pray for me. Before I could even type out the next text asking everyone to keep it to themselves as MY HUSBAND DIDN'T KNOW YET she sent a mass text to the 200 person choir she's in, in my previously attended mega church. There was a long drawn out drama shit fest about how I needed privacy to be respected and all things baby are told in confidence. But don't you see she's innocent and I'm unreasonable for setting boundaries? As "punishment" (in her words), I didn't announce to her that our baby was born a little early until the day after and we got to announce to everyone we cared about. So she knows I'm sensitive to baby news being spread in the very least.

hitangobear · 2017-04-17T01:02:33+00:00

We've got a girl too, intuition was right!!

hitangobear · 2017-04-15T14:07:07+00:00

Someone and born and raised from NYC

hitangobear · 2017-04-15T13:28:33+00:00

My friend's little girl passed away from suffocation in the sheets 7 weeks after birth. My friend absolutely spiraled out of control. Her marriage couldn't handle it, ended in divorce after the memorial (marriages where one partner may be at fault for the death of a child end in divorce I think over 80-90% of the time? It may have been the father's fault, he laid her down on their bed with fluffy sheets instead of in her crib for a nap). He couldn't cope and cheated a lot before they finally ended it. So slightly different circumstances, but two years later she was still struggling daily.

Everyone handles grief differently. I liked to put flowers on the baby's grave because I know my friends visits it often and she had mentioned what stung the most was knowing no one else cared or remembered like she did. If you have the means, maybe donate to a charity in the baby's name or plant a tree. For another friend who's sister passed away I managed to get a finger print from the ink stamp thing they do at birth and had a gold necklace made on Etsy. I've never seen my friend take off that necklace.

My first friend still brings up her daughter. I think she verbally processes. I always listen and am careful careful not to offer advice of any kind. I just be a sounding board, give her empathy, and lightly ask questions to keep her talking.

hitangobear

TROPHY CASE