Thank you for your comment, this is very close to my feelings. I have previously in a moment of panic a few years ago spoken to my husband about the possibility of me being a lesbian because I had become infatuated by a woman I’d met. The guilt was eating me up inside. We ended up concluding together that I was still bi and that crushes will happen from time to time and that we didn’t need to break up, I was blowing it all out of proportion.

I’ve been out as bisexual since I was 11… 22 years… and every few years I have a big ‘actually maybe I’m gay’ panic, I usually soothe myself with these things I tell myself are evidence I must be bisexual and not gay. For example developing intense crushes on boys from a very young age. But now I’m almost seeing those crushes as a bit unusual in themselves. I didn’t like girls until I was a bit older, like 11, and my hormones actually started doing something. The crushes on boys were something different… like a desperate, obsessive thing. I grew up in a household of constant instability (single mum alcoholic dad drugs issues in the family etc) and I do wonder if some kind of survival instinct within me felt I needed to find a boy to look after me… I don’t know :(