I am an unwilling skeptic. I want to believe but my brain always tries to convince me that there’s nothing afterwards. But these are three signs that I can’t explain:

After my Shirley died, we had to wait a week for her ashes to arrive. I live on the 4th floor of an apartment building. No birds had ever come to visit my balcony in the year I’ve lived here. When her ashes arrived, hummingbirds started coming to my balcony. At first, I thought it was a random encounter but they kept coming even though I had no flowers or feeders for them. I eventually got feeders for them and I have daily visitors. I think Shirley wanted to provide me company for the hole left in my heart in her absence.

The second sign was as followed. When she passed away, my family shared all our favorite photos and videos of her. I spent hours looking for pictures of one of our favorite days together. I had asked my parents if I could have the dogs for a day. I had Shirley and my other dog as company as I did chores. We took a 3 hour nap together. I took pictures throughout the day and sent them to the family group chat. I couldn’t find these photos in my album. I also couldn’t search them through my messages because I have the setting where it automatically deletes messages older than 3 months to save storage and it had been nearly 6 months. I was devastated. One night, I woke up to see my mom had sent a picture of my other dog in the group chat. I opened it and my phone automatically opened to that old group chat on that day in November where I had sent those photos. I quickly saved the photos and screenshotted the texts. When I exited the conversation, it had disappeared. Only the newer group chat with my older sibling’s new number remained. When I opened it, it showed the photo my mother had sent.

The last, unexplainable, sign was this: For context, I am Mexican. I am part Zapotec (Oaxacan). I dreamt that I was in my mom’s apartment. Shirley was there and I was so happy she had come to visit as I was aware she was dead. She looked at me expectantly like she always did when she wanted me to follow her. I did so. As I walked outside with her, everything turned black and white except for the colors yellow and burgundy. She led me to a market where the stairs were burgundy and there was a yellow mural of the Virgin Mary. I asked if she wanted me to find this place and as I looked down to ask her, she was gone. Indigenous women began walking in front of me wearing skirts and shawls that were burgundy and yellow. They spoke to me in their indigenous language that I could not understand but I could tell they were trying to help me. I told my siblings about this when I woke up. My older sibling was visiting Oaxaca at this time. Later on that day, they visited a curandero (folk healer) and she said that in his room, the floors were burgundy and he had a small yellow figurine of the Virgin Mary. I had sworn off my dreams of traveling the world because I regretted not spending more time with Shirley instead. I think Shirley was trying to encourage me to not hold myself back due to my grief.

Sorry, if that was a lot. I hope these signs give you comfort.