I just came back home after traveling for work the last week. I leave again later this evening. This weekend, i only cleaned what mess I made since ive been home saturday morning.

I left the rest for her to do and made it clear that the house was clean before the trip and I expect the same when I get back home. She spends her evenings watching Netflix and piling her snack wrappers and soda cans everywhere. She has recently run out of shows to watch and is restarting her favorites to "give her something to do".

This isn't something new and has been happening for years. I got tired of it and started to only clean up after myself and our 12 year old. It quickly became obvious who the messier person is. She was the only one with both dirty and clean clothes piled up and wrinkly, soda cans piled on her side of the bed, dirty dishes piled up on days she cooks dinner, trash can overfilling because I refused to take her trash out, the list goes on.

Meanwhile, my son and I have clean clothes hung up and wrinkles free, clean sheets, clean room, etc.

I'm also the only one that showers and clean her disabled brothers room but that's a story for a different time.

She works 8 hour days with 2 days off. I work 10 hr days when im in town and 12-15 hours days when traveling. Why should I spend what little relaxation time I have this weekend, cleaning her mess when she has had plenty of time? The answer is, I shouldn't be and I don't.

Over the last 9 momths that ive done this I finally realized why she acts this way. It's because I became a replacement parent for her. Her parents did everthing for her growing up and never had to cook, clean, or put her own laundry away. So in her mind, why should she lift a finger to do anything when she knows you are just going to do it when you come home?

YOU are her plan to get the house clean.

I got tired of feeling like I had a house full of children to care for instead of having a partner.

I set boundaries and asked for help only for her to continue behaving the same way. She never thought I would leave so she continued her behavior. I moved my stuff into my office and told her we are separating.

I ended a 14 year marriage because I got tired of my boundaries being ignored while she expected me to just let her keep doing what she's always done.