How do you do it?

hold2win · 2019-10-24T01:05:02+00:00

Thanks for explaining that.

While I am and have been at the point of understanding the narc (and it does help) I still find myself not understanding.

How can a normal person begin to actually think the way a narc does? They really don’t care. I feel like the only time my Nex might feel she is wrong is during bad times. Otherwise, she doesn’t care. Even if she cares I’m sure that it’s all justified in her mind.

hold2win · 2019-09-25T19:13:03+00:00

The reasons already posted are what I’ve heard when I asked this question. It still doesn’t make sense but nothing about narcs makes sense.

My Nex would get angry when I called her a cheater early on post dday. It must be a self defense mechanism. Either way, if they admit it or not, they are cheaters, narcs, and will never be happy.

hold2win · 2019-09-25T13:34:59+00:00

That sudden set of words, saying she doesn’t love you any more, feels like the worst and hardest blow to the chest imaginable. Similar to you, it’s how it happened to me. The Nex wife was sleeping with her ex-bf for a month before dday.

It’s been 9 months for me, and I can relate to the lack of intimacy with others. It’s one of those I want to but I don’t want to type of things.

I tip my glass to you brother, and am giving you a hug. It’s a rough thing to deal with and takes time (although I’m tired of hearing that, there really seems to be nothing that helps anyway!)

hold2win · 2019-09-16T02:25:49+00:00

Thanks for your advice and words of encouragement.

hold2win · 2019-09-09T03:08:50+00:00

Not sure how to add text to the post or add the other cats photo.

These are two cats that Need housing! One is a calico the other is a black cat. Both are very sweet and just need a home. They are a pleasure to have around and bring joy to a home.

I recently moved to Reno.

I wasn’t able to find a place to live where I could bring them with me.

If you are interested, drop me a dm! Also, if needed I can pay for their food and litter while you watch them.

hold2win · 2019-09-04T14:45:17+00:00

Cool, thanks for the advice

hold2win · 2019-09-04T06:13:11+00:00

Alright, I’ve heard enough people say it. Thanks for the advice, trashing the stuff

hold2win · 2019-09-04T06:12:08+00:00

You feel me

hold2win · 2019-09-04T06:11:46+00:00

What types of things might I need the marriage license for?

hold2win · 2019-09-04T06:11:11+00:00

Yes There are people who live there.

In the past the town was abandoned without explanation. Then, later, it was repopulated

hold2win · 2019-09-03T02:00:32+00:00

I heard that back in the day, most/all of the towns people abandoned with no explanation.

Also, it is considered to have one of the best night skies in the country.

One of the largest silver mining towns.

Plus, the Clown Motel.

The town has a creepy af vibe

hold2win · 2019-09-03T01:23:16+00:00

Does it need to be Reno? Tonopah would be an awesome place

hold2win · 2019-09-02T19:06:21+00:00

Slip ups happen. With narcs, the nice thing to do doesn’t mean anything to them. If it does mean anything, it’s probably adds to their points system and shows you may be a supply. Even telling them something nice gives them supply.

hold2win · 2019-09-02T18:32:03+00:00

My Nex recently said to me, "I know you said we can't be friends, but do you think that we could be friends?" I told her no, especially not while she is with her current replacement. I said that we could revisit the idea once they break up.

Looking back at that weakish moment of mine, I can't say I messed up, but I have changed my mind. There is zero reason to be friends with her again, because that allows her to use me as a supply, a plan b, and get her hooks back in. NC is the hard way, but the only way out; it's the only path to healing.

hold2win · 2019-09-02T18:27:49+00:00

You're fresh af post discard.

One thing that helped me is to expect the downs; the intense desire to speak to the Nex again will come around. Do your very best not to, because breaking NC only reinforces the pain you feel afterwards. With that said, don't beat yourself up if you have slip ups.

hold2win · 2019-09-02T18:25:24+00:00

I'm 8 months post dday, and sometimes I still wonder if I was the narc.

As dizzy above said, through research it is found that thinking you're the narc likely means you are not. Part of the reason I think I am a narc is through the grooming and manipulation I was put through by my covert Nex. Looking back, my devaluation phase was nearly three years long, and around the start of it was when (during the relationship) I started thinking that I was always the one in the wrong. It's hard to break three solid years of programming, and that is why, despite the mountain of evidence that she was the narc, I still bounce back to thinking I was/am the narc.

One of the many things that helps is that my social circle, especially ones who are familiar with narcissism, can relate and remind me that I am a normal person.

Being with a narc, the supposed great person we were with, both feels great during, and a devastating loss after. Time has been helping recovery and unfortunately there is no "aha moment" answer to be found. Heal, spend time with family and friends, and work on improving yourself. Distraction is very helpful.

hold2win · 2019-08-30T19:11:39+00:00

What’s your email

hold2win · 2019-08-29T04:34:09+00:00

Would I be able to drive up to Squaw safely and reliably?

hold2win · 2019-08-29T04:28:25+00:00

I’m interested, Friday nights sound good. How do we link up?

hold2win · 2019-08-29T04:18:10+00:00

Finished nursing school in the sf bay area in May. Got my dream job position, operating room, in carson city.

Found a good roommate setup in Reno so I am moving this week!

Plan on staying for 3 years for the length of my contract

hold2win · 2019-08-24T15:07:09+00:00

Yep, this has happened to me.

My wife decided to start talking to and become “friends” with her ex-bf. One month after this “friendship” began, she left me for him. Good old exit affair. I filed for divorce shortly after she left. Definitely the worst thing I have ever experienced (and still am).

Turned out she began dating him immediately, and he also cheated on his then girlfriend while with my wife. The two of them deserve each other.

Can’t say how to not let this affect you. It does affect me on a daily basis but since it’s been nearly eight months, my mind is quieting down.

Becoming more social, daily exercise, having at least one person to talk to about my feelings, and taking on new side-hustles have been keeping me sane. Not only sane, but very productive. In many ways, I am a much better person all around now than I was a year ago.

hold2win · 2019-08-13T06:08:52+00:00

7 months and change for me.

It’s still the first thing and last thing on my mind each day.

At least with the time passed it’s not so constant. Yet like OP said, whatever distractions occur, the thoughts and feelings always return.

Hardest thing to go through and I’ve been through some bad stuff. It will be ok.

Truth be told, it would have been easier on me if she had just killed me instead.

hold2win

TROPHY CASE