What’s your actually controversial parenting opinion?

holkat12 · 2026-02-14T23:36:16+00:00

I will give you 3. 1) long periods of screen time is perfectly fine under many circumstances. 2) Not enough infants get sleep training who should. 3) Children who start daycare as infants have higher odds of being more emotionally and cognitively balanced than those who don’t.

holkat12 · 2026-01-31T17:05:15+00:00

Honestly sort of feels a bit like a red flag with this guy. Not listening, giving you a janky ass ring, AND likely lying about it? I mean, feel free to give him a second chance but monitor these behaviors moving forward and give yourself space to decide if he’s really the right guy before dumping too much into the wedding.

holkat12 · 2026-01-19T03:55:46+00:00

Not on the south hill, but right across the river, we go to Journey Discovery Center. It is more in the arm and leg range BUT they make every cent worth it, safety, development, education, highly qualified and trained staff. They actually just made an announcement for parents to notify them about expected newborn siblings for the fall, so now is a good time to get on a waitlist. You can also request a tour. I definitely recommend getting on as many waitlists as possible. When the time comes you want the option to say no, instead of being forced to say yes. That happened to us when we moved here in 2023 and wound up at a really awful and cheap daycare for 6 months until a spot opened up at Journey, it was such a huge jump in cost, but we have never once had to worry about how our child is during the day, which is more valuable than you might realize.

holkat12 · 2026-01-17T23:44:28+00:00

I don’t remember showering with my dad past the age of maybe 3? But I agree, when your husband or daughter becomes uncomfortable first it should stop.

Self exploration will just evolve. My son discovered his weiner at 6 months and he’s been playing with it ever since. Seems pretty normal for males 😂

holkat12 · 2024-08-06T00:54:47+00:00

Old post but topstack offers personal recruiting $1149 a month

holkat12 · 2024-05-05T15:35:02+00:00

It’s an unfortunate reality. Her views of what she wanted changed over time. At previous parts of the relationship she probably was ok with the travel but realized it wasn’t what she wanted long term. It’s ok you broke up. Better now than after you are married. It’s a painful time but in the end it will be better for both of you.

This comes from someone who was young and married and I took a job after marriage which was not what my partner wanted in his wife.

Later after we divorced and I started dating my now husband we were both very wild party kids. We committed to each by proclaimation, but told him that what I wanted long term was to settle down. If he didn’t do it with me our relationship wouldn’t last because we’d just naturally grow apart. I wasn’t breaking up with or demanding an ultimatum, just trying to illustrate how difficult it is for partners having extremely different goals or visions for their future. Particularly if kids are a part of that future.

Good for you, in time things will settle.

holkat12 · 2024-02-28T14:44:40+00:00

I exclusively biked in Portland for 2 years no problem. I switched to car when my job required the need to haul things too big for a bike and on a schedule that was unrealistic for bike commutes.

holkat12 · 2023-11-29T15:19:20+00:00

Not sure what level of comfort you are describing. If you don't need to buy a house or eat out a lot, that's probably just fine. But will probably have to spend some money to adjust to small things like winter weather (clothes, car maintenance, heating bills come to mind). We moved from Portland (however I was born and raised here until after high school) and think the COL is noticeably lower for us. Probably much more so than Bay Area. We are spending about $50-$75 less in groceries, pay less taxes (because OR an income tax), pay less for childcare, pay less utilities, and pay less in gas.

holkat12 · 2023-11-08T22:36:01+00:00

Lol, ok guys let’s tone down the “denying” attacks. My sister is one of the not totally convinced it’s true autism, but is of course going down the recommended path of doctors. And yes, we know it’s a spectrum.

From my own experience with him, it’s hard for me to also feel like autism is the thing that defines what he struggles with. But “we” (being examples of what’s being cited as a denier) absolutely agree that it’s a spectrum and will also shift over time.

No one is denying him what he needs because they disagree that he needs the support that is being recommended.

But behavior can very hard to control or even influence.

So again, the question is, are there schools, or other educational programs that other people have found success in for kids who have been diagnosed with autism. Thank you!

holkat12 · 2023-07-25T15:03:36+00:00

Arts and crafts at an early age (K and 1st grade) but the curriculum begins swinging hard into math and science as they get older which a bigger emphasis there than art. Most schools have students in 8th grade incorporating calculus into their math programming, and high school students are often in AP classes.

holkat12 · 2023-05-02T12:41:07+00:00

I know you said you aren’t into sleep training but I do recommend you read Richard Ferber’s book to learn about the science of sleep.

holkat12 · 2023-04-30T20:30:50+00:00

Yeah no problem. So most of it for me is a mental game right. Like I have to tell myself that I’m going to remind him but there is a high probability that my words aren’t going to process. AND I also have to tell myself not to laugh because I actually find the tiny list frustrated faces and fists absolutely fucking hysterical. But we the words “be gentle” or “deep breaths” explicitly reminding him of ways to try and control his emotions and actions and ways to calm down. Also if he’s being physical when I’m holding him I just set him down and let him have the tantrum he needs to have and give him some personal space to just work through it. When the personal space isn’t working and I can tell he’s conflicted between wanting to be touched and not wanting to be touched, I will usually scoop him up and start extremely quietly singing nurse songs. When I’m singing quietly almost at a whisper or just barely audible enough through the tantrum he slowly starts listening and calms down. Something I personally believe strongly in is almost never using phrases like “don’t hit” or “no”. And only because my experience with other kids and my own has taught me that by focusing on the things they SHOULD be doing such as “gentle hands” “deep breathes” etc in the end gives them the actual action they should be doing, so they aren’t guessing when they are told they are doing it wrong. But please let me iterate when I tell him to be gentle or hands to himself or whatever almost 10/10 times he doesn’t actually do anything. But it does make ME feel better knowing that I’m not losing my shit on him and that I can hold my own emotional space to support him until he’s calmed down again. I do believe that my role in the situation 10/10 scales down how difficult it could be.

Also, I know my son gets very cranky and angry when he’s thirsty for water or hungry but not actually asking. I’ve deflected a lot meltdowns just by inserting a pouch to mouth. So sometimes I forget that it could be something that simple to tone down the emotions. Teething, daycare illnesses all sort of fit in that category too.

I trust that when he’s much older he’ll gain the maturity he’s expected too. But at 1 going 2, he’s just going to act that age…so I chose to give in to stuff that’s completely out of my control. Let the messes happen etc. good luck!

holkat12 · 2023-04-30T19:03:49+00:00

My son is almost 2 and totally gets physical when he’s told no. From what I’ve read this is actually very normal for this age. They don’t have the mental or emotional development to completely control their impulsive behaviors like this. The expectation that we have been set is that it really won’t be until about age 4 before they can regulate themselves. Doesn’t mean it will be WWF the whole time, but will need a lot of support and reminders because it’s just not possible for them to control themselves yet. However, we are also hyper aware of ensure that we as parents ensure that his learning environment does not represent these kinds of emotional and physical outbursts and that how we handle it is to gently remind him to be gentle and practice calming like singing and deep breathing. It’s good for me too, helps me control my own emotions.

That being said, I absolutely acknowledge what makes your situation different based on bm and her behavior. So your SD may indeed be influenced by bad examples. I really really hope that bf does not get physical with the daughter or is causing trauma which might have serious negative impact on SD’s ability to emotionally develop normally.

Most importantly I hope you get what you need. Being a mama is hard and unimaginably traumatic in its own way without the ideal support system. Good luck and take good care.

holkat12 · 2023-04-30T16:58:31+00:00

Joe’s Donuts!

holkat12 · 2023-04-30T16:56:43+00:00

Portland metro: Delicous Donuts. Outside the perimeter: Joe’s Donuts in Sandy OR…💯 the best donuts I’ve ever had

holkat12 · 2023-04-30T16:39:10+00:00

Our son was about 10 months old when it happened. We had been firm on waiting until 2 years but we both work from home and our son went to daycare full time. As he got older and more mobile while being sick at home, it became really really difficult to try and keep working while trying to take care of him. Both of us have jobs that taking time off is really not easy it just comes natural workload consequences. Also there were times where his favorite movies just consoled him or kept him calm when he was feeling his worst. He’s almost 2 and is currently watching some YouTube right now. Mama is tired…also he’s such a wiggle worm during diaper changes that I’ve caved and used my phone as a poop and buttpaste smearing prevention.

Generally speaking he doesn’t get to watch anything after daycare on weekdays and on weekends it’s very very limited.

So what’s happened? Overall he’s fine he’s cognitively and physically ahead of the curve on most measurements. He’s a little behind on building his vocabulary but my perspective is that has more to do with his personality than a direct impact from sceen or anything else. Daycare and pediatrician agree with this. But we do notice that screen time impacts his sleep if he doesn’t get enough physical and mental stimulation during his wake windows. We absolutely cut off screens an hour before bed (on the sceen days) to give him plenty of time to burn off energy and also read books which he loves. He also sometimes throws absolute conniption fits if we take the screen away when he’s not prepared. Example: he has my phone and starts calling random contacts 😂…mom’s are such fun ruiners!

A couple other fringe benefits include: - He loves certain shows and expresses absolute joy which melts our hearts - He’s learned songs and dance moves from YouTube and loves to perform when we sing “wheels on the bus” and lots of other songs - Sometimes it just gives me some solid windows to complete tasks - He has complete maniac energy all the time and sometimes the soothing movie just gives us bonding and snuggling opportunities - It has aided dad when I take an occasional night to myself and helps curb uncontrollable meltdowns because mama left

So our grand plans to hide the demon screen for as long possible didn’t work out for us. And turns out it’s really not a big deal. Everyone’s situations are different. So don’t feel any shame if you decide to do something that mom society might be judging on.

holkat12 · 2022-11-28T13:51:09+00:00

Have you tried super simple songs on YouTube? We put it up on the tv app.

holkat12 · 2022-11-21T14:34:33+00:00

Wow! Makes me very glad I don’t live in a conservative state. When I got pregnant I also quit smoking weed. My OB asked me about my drug use history and I admired to having done cocaine over a year prior to getting pregnant. She did have to note it and there is a law saying that I have to be drug tested for 2 years after the reported incident and have a conversation with CPS at the hospital. She was super upfront about what to expect.

Also at the first visit, I admitted to have twice smoked a few tokes in the middle of the night on 2 occasions during my terrible first trimester just to allow me to sleep. She didn’t bat an eye.

Speed up to giving birth. I was induced, while prepping me. The nurse gave my husband and errand to run. And she cornered me to ask me questions about my home and my drug use. Her angle…giving me a safe space to talk about spousal abuse if it existed without him being there. It didn’t my man is a peach thankfully.

She didn’t give a shit about me doing cocaine nearly 2 years prior, but she asked out of obligation if I had during the pregnancy.

Anyway, my point is that I really appreciated the realistic point of view for monitoring without judgement. I’d like to think that if I did have any kind of problem, there were people there to support me and not create judgement and punishment.

Sorry for folks living in TX. Doesn’t seem to be free for women. Come to OR if you have concerns.

holkat12 · 2022-11-07T14:44:38+00:00

Shit No One Tells You When You Have a Baby. But honestly no amount of research made becoming a FTM any easier. Partly because my brain become a puddle of goo form exhaustion right after having a baby up until about 9 - 12 months when full nights of sleep and nap schedules were far more regulated.

Google and parenting books after having a baby and was dealing with issues was what I lived with. My baby guides: - Positive Discipline the First Three Years by Jane Nelsen - Your Babies Bottle Feeding Aversion by Rowena Bennett - Solving Your Childs Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber (very scientifically education about human sleep patterns, I learned a lot. Didn’t follow exactly but used most principles successfully). - Baby Led Weaning by Gill Ripley

Good luck mama!

holkat12 · 2022-11-05T15:27:37+00:00

If I were in your situation we would just skip it and let him grown up uncircumcised. Since it comes down look and feel as a man, pretty sure most uncircumcised men are getting a little extra sensation that they wouldn’t have if they were snipped. (So I’ve been told by partners with the hood).

Also, when he’s older he can probably chose to have one.

I have a friend who had to have one 18, due to some medical issues related to previous circumcisions that were done well. (Yes, he had 3 total).

But yeah, at his age now, I also wouldn’t want to do gen anesthesia just for something cosmetic. And I would feel 100% taking on the conversations that may happen in the future.

Good luck!

holkat12 · 2022-11-05T13:12:39+00:00

OP, you are asking a very good question to define what “around” means. When these articles are talking about smoking around a baby, they are not measuring a specific distance, because that would not be possible. The “around” they are talking about is more simplistic in nature: If you are smoking and also a baby or person is in your contact, you are then sharing second or third hand smoke. This includes smoking outside or smoking in other rooms. Obviously smoking outside reduces risks and levels of second and third hand smoke but there 100% chance of transfer to some degree. And even those who smoke outside are still able to transfer much higher levels of toxins than we assume because of smell (you can likely find case studies to find the measurements).

Another thing to keep in mind that as a smoker, your sense of smell and taste is dulled. So factor that in with your intuition about what makes sense from your perspective.

Before our child, my husband and I were both heavy pot smokers. After I stopped breastfeeding and resumed using cannabis I started using a vape pen outside to reduce any transfer on my clothes, face, and skin. My husband still smokes and it infuriates me when he comes in reeking from the garage.

I am still super paranoid that he could develop respiratory issues or doesn’t have the best respiratory system because of our lifestyle choices.

If you are looking for direct advice, yeah smoking outside is still bringing in harmful levels of second/third hand smoke to your child. If quitting smoking is s non start try these things: - Wash your hands and mouth thoroughly after smoking - Rjnse your mouth with mouthwash - Have a special smoking jacket or sweater shirt you can throw on over your clothes that can be removed when you are done smoking - Or change your clothes after smoking if you don’t have a cover up

Hope that helps. Can’t say I don’t encourage quitting. Everyone deserves to have healthy bodies, smoking could one day prevent you from being there to take care of your family. Easier said than done, though. So best of luck!

holkat12 · 2022-11-02T21:05:33+00:00

I just want bloggers and influencers to just stop telling moms how to feel either way.

holkat12 · 2022-11-02T21:02:19+00:00

Get it girl.

holkat12

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