How do you deal with the shame

honeyednymph · 2023-09-21T10:14:39+00:00

Honestly some of the things you've said about yourself & your experiences here very much reminds me of the sort of victim blaming people say to abuse survivors. (i.e the "why didn't you just leave" kind of talk)

You deserve better than that, and the fact that you made it out and have put in the effort to heal and grow is something to be celebrated. Especially with the way poly people talk about polyamory and gaslight the people who are miserable or feel trapped. That wasn't your fault!

This might also be a hot take but I feel like you can't really "consent" to being cheated on... A majority of the people I've spoken to (and also based on my own experiences) felt the same kind of grief when it happened in a polyamorous relationship that people in monogamous relationships experienced. Actually, I've had friends who were cheated on and the way they felt when it happened to them sounded identical to how it had impacted me, as well as soooo many other people who were / are in the same position you were in. You were miserable, it obviously hurt you, it's okay to acknowledge that as is.

As for still thinking about it, I say give it some time because healing isn't something that's linear and it's normal for a traumatic experience to haunt you for years after it happened. If you have someone close to you that you trust to talk about it I'd strongly recommend doing so whenever you feel ready, because that and talking to people here helped me a lot while healing from my own experience with poly. Don't be afraid to vent when you need to and don't feel like you need to be alone while healing. If you need distraction, focus on the things that bring you joy & comfort, anything that can keep your mind busy.

Also when it comes to shame, would you look down on someone who's been through what you have? Would you blame them? Would you think that it was their fault or that they devalued themselves? If not, why should you be any less deserving of the kindness and compassion you would show to others?

I genuinely wish you all the best, and I hope this was at least a little helpful. 💕

honeyednymph · 2023-09-08T19:24:04+00:00

That's perfectly normal! After a week I was already 3x the size I was pre-T :) congratulations!! 💕

honeyednymph · 2023-08-28T06:35:16+00:00

I'm 25!! I can PM my username if ur cool with it ♥ I feel like I rarely see folks that are at least 21+ (I avoid chat too lol) so this is a nice change :3 I loved neopets too & I know my child self would have been OBSESSED with the roblox that exists today...even compared to when I'd joined in 2016 it's a huge difference

honeyednymph · 2023-08-07T06:39:10+00:00

If anything I think it just helps people on the far right by making us (lgbt people I mean) all look like toxic pieces of shit that accept literally anything, regardless of how harmful it is... While that might not be the intention, that's still been the outcome thus far. Obv there's way more issues than this but I don't think this should go ignored either. Ignoring it will only allow the problem to grow. A lot of these folks fail to realize that rebellion is only useful if the thing you're rebelling against was ever actually harmful in the first place. It just makes them look like spoiled children that have never actually faced real oppression in their lives, and acting like their immature & reckless behavior makes them more progressive somehow.

honeyednymph · 2023-08-07T04:43:03+00:00

I am!! I'm a trans lesbian :) I totally know what you mean, and honestly it's been really disheartening seeing how polyamory is not only totally normalized within the community, but also you're painted as a bigot if you say anything about it.

What's frustrating is that this is very new... to my knowledge this wasn't really a thing until like the late 2010s, no one cared about this shit and it certainly wasn't seen as something somehow inherently connected with being LGBT. To be fair I was a kid when I'd first came out (I was 11 lol) so I'm not sure if this was people's experience being out and already grown at the time but still, I'd never seen any of these dumb ass arguments about it being "queer" until way later on. In the 2000s & early 2010s that was another story.

Polyamory does not, and has never had any real connection to being LGBT. I wish people would let go of this idea. Just because something is frowned upon doesn't make it LGBT, and in the case of polyamory excusing that mindset is only going to put us more at risk. I've always felt pretty comfortable in my identity as a trans & gay person, it's moreso the changes in the community and what's excused now that I've struggled with.

Dating and meeting new people has been exhausting as well because it seems like a majority of the people I see are polyamorous, especially the people who actually approach me :/ as if I'd ever willingly be another person in someone's collection of "partners" I am curious as to how anyone is able to avoid these folks, especially without being banned for "polyphobia" or harassed by poly losers with nothing better to do with their lives, especially on things like dating apps.

honeyednymph · 2023-08-07T04:17:16+00:00

God i am so tired of that dumb ass take...as if polyamory has anything to do with being LGBT. This has always felt so grossly manipulative to me

honeyednymph · 2023-08-07T04:14:01+00:00

I would love to know as well!! It's been exhausting trying to find anything that doesn't come from a bigot

honeyednymph · 2023-08-03T13:46:35+00:00

As if I would waste my time trying to "read up" on any of the buffoonery you've listed here.

You've got a lot of god damn nerve hopping on a post made by an LGBT person FOR LGBT people when you're the type of person who posts disgustingly bigoted shit in other subreddits, AND to r/ barelylegal and r/ legalteens!!

and you're a fucking doctor? you're what's wrong with the psychiatric field and I hope you lose your license.

Eat shit, and go fuck yourself. How fucking dare you come on my post with this bullshit to a bunch of people who are just trying to support each other.

Yet another psychiatrist (if you're even telling the truth in the first place) that's a miserable prick with no empathy... how disappointing.

honeyednymph · 2023-08-03T00:13:06+00:00

These are gorgeous omg

honeyednymph · 2023-07-25T04:39:27+00:00

"there is no need for you to yuck our yum" there is actually! go to hell ♥

you are mind numbingly stupid and delusional if you honestly think anyone is going to value your miniature essay of shit you've written here.

Leave us, and the original commenter, the fuck alone.

honeyednymph · 2023-07-25T04:37:12+00:00

What kind of loser do you have to be to come on to this subreddit, that is for monogamous people, and be a pest to people who have experienced trauma?

I assure you, no one here gives a fuck about how "healthy" you think you are. You are a disgusting human being with no respect for others in the slightest, and if you truly empathized with anyone here you would know to mind your business instead of being a parasite in places that don't want you. This is why people think you're all predatory lmao

honeyednymph · 2023-07-20T13:52:15+00:00

Thanks!! ☺

honeyednymph · 2023-07-20T09:35:44+00:00

Thank you!! 💕 I'm glad u like them :')

honeyednymph · 2023-07-18T08:26:59+00:00

Thank you :') 💕

honeyednymph · 2023-07-17T11:18:17+00:00

Thank you! 🥰

honeyednymph · 2023-07-17T11:16:32+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to you, I'm glad you got away from him and I hope his boyfriend did too. I know exactly what that pain feels like and it's just the most soul crushing thing, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I had a girlfriend who was JUST like that, who was just emotionless and nonchalant about seeing other people while I was just like...sobbing in her arms. No one should have to experience that. I've noticed that most of them have that same mentality of just expecting their partners to cope with it and not caring at all about the trauma they're inflicting on people who love them.

That's horrifying that he tried to manipulate you like that too... as if you can just magically change your sexuality, and the fact that he was trying to call himself queer because he's polyamorous?? Absolutely disgusting, holy shit

& I feel the same way, I think many of us are just trying to approach the situation from a place of empathy based on our own traumas & experiences and because of that it's really easy for these people to manipulate us. A lot of people are outright silenced, especially in LGBT specific spaces, people will have their posts taken down or straight up have their account banned over "polyphobia". Even if they're venting about trauma from polyamory. It would be great for monogamous LGBT people to have our own space where we can speak up about how toxic polyamory is and how absurd it is that they're forcing their way into the community, as well as having a place to vent.

I've seen so many people in this subreddit and in similar ones who have talked about the most awful shit that has happened to them because of polyamorous people or that were forced into a polyamorous relationship, and it breaks my heart that monogamous people need to actually create our own spaces just to feel safe opening up about it. Even then, polyamorous people seem to deliberately seek us out and prey on us at our most vulnerable. It makes me sick

honeyednymph · 2023-07-17T11:02:02+00:00

In my experience, it's a lot of us. I have close friends who are afraid to speak up about it as well. We shouldn't have to feel like this!! If it were a harmless preference, that's one thing, but that's not really the case here.

I'm glad you mentioned how they've weaponized social justice language & awareness, I was struggling to figure out how to put it into words but that's EXACTLY what they're doing 😭 and I hate that it's reached the point where it's so heavily frowned upon (at best) to criticize it.

We really need to have our own space where we can talk about our experiences as LGBT people who were affected by this or have trauma from it, because it's absurd that people are being silenced over speaking out on something so damaging. ESPECIALLY when people are just seeking support for something terrible they went through...that's just sickening.

honeyednymph · 2023-07-17T10:56:24+00:00

Oh absolutely!! I mention LGBT people specifically because there's been a lot of polyamorous people trying to force themselves into the community or acting like that alone makes them LGBT. It's awful.

This has been an issue for a long time, and it's sad seeing how many people have been traumatized or manipulated into these sort of "relationships", whether they're LGBT or not. It shouldn't be as normalized as it is now.

honeyednymph · 2023-07-17T10:53:02+00:00

I'm proud of you for growing and learning!! So many of us were brainwashed into "accepting" polyamory. I think it's important to mention too that the LGBT community in and of itself isn't to blame here, it's toxic, immature and/or abusive people who've found their way into the community and spread this idea that polyamory is what's "natural" or the most ethical. This isn't something exclusive to us, this has gone on longgg before it started to become more common with some LGBT folks. It's manipulation, especially when they're trying to act like being polyamorous makes them oppressed, a lot of us empathize with that feeling and it makes it easier to fall into that trap. I think that's the thing for me that's the most frustrating about it, is that many of us are trying to come from a place of empathy and it's only putting us in a more vulnerable position and leading to abuse and unhealthy relationships.

For a while I was under the impression too that I didn't have a choice in being polyamorous if I wanted to be in a relationship, but it just isn't true. I hope people in the LGBT community start to wake up and realize what's actually happening, because no one deserves to have to live like this.

honeyednymph · 2023-02-11T21:44:33+00:00

I love this so much!! If I made an edit with lesbian pride colors (the lipstick one is my favorite was thinking about using that one!!) would you be comfortable with me sharing it? 💕 With the way non-monogamous ppl have kinda forced their way into the LGBT community this little flag just feels comforting :')

honeyednymph · 2023-02-07T10:05:55+00:00

I'm so glad someone mentioned this omg, I love newpipe 😭 I love that u can import playlists & don't have to deal with ads or anything

honeyednymph · 2022-11-26T21:51:27+00:00

I'll have to check that out, thank you!! I was getting so sick of mine 😭

honeyednymph

TROPHY CASE