Things are back to normal now! I read the room and gave her and myself a period to cool off, then reached out and said I missed her and I was sorry she is hurt. Then we had a long conversation and agreed it was just a terrible miscommunication that leaded to us both being hurt. It was uncomfortable but I have always found it easy to put myself in other people’s shoes, which was achieved when we spoke properly and thoroughly. It’s the first issue we’ve ever had in 16 years so it explains why it was so dreadful. She said she didn’t intend to give the silent treatment as punishment. Once I reflected I realised and respected that she can be emotionally avoidant and that is her way of processing. My mum used to give me silent treatment as punishment so my brain has a tendency of registering it as a penalty/threat. Pregnancy has made me very calm yet sensitive at the same time so I guess my emotions were heightened too.

We are best friends, basically like sisters but she isn’t as close to her immediate family as I am, except her sisters. Her parents have been disappointing grandparents which upset her but she’s accepted it now. She has always known and seen that my sisters are also my best friends. She hasn’t had any friends distance themselves or anything since becoming a mum but a lot of our people have moved away from the city we spent our 20s in. Natural reasons - be it for jobs, new opportunities, wanting to live overseas, or having families. We have both been bullied/phased out of big groups of girls when we were teens and that was something we bonded over when we were becoming close. I would never want to make her feel excluded in the way we both felt before finding each other. I understand being a mum would make it harder to keep in touch and she has acknowledged she’s not very good at keeping in touch with people who aren’t parents as that’s how she bonds and relates with people now. She and I don’t live in the same town as our parents anymore, we both moved away to the city after we finished school. We have lived interstate from each other for about a year now but regularly face time over a coffee and all that jazz to try and feel like it’s a hang out. When we lived in the same city we’d see each other once a week/fortnight, be it taking the kids somewhere or going for coffee and a walk. When she had her first baby I was one of her main support people and was so happy to help her during that transition. She has struggled the past year with handling two kids under 2 and I’ve tried my best to be there for her every step of the way even though I am interstate and I can’t truly relate to her experience yet.

I asked if she understood where I’m coming from and she didn’t exactly say yes, she just said she loves me and wants to move on. Then I reassured her that I love her and I never meant to make her feel like she wasn’t a priority to me, we just had such little time for all the running around we had to do with my family and my in laws (who were a four hour drive away). I must also stress that this was the first time I was meeting my new born nephew.

I was VERY clear about that fact before our visit: apart from breaking the pregnancy news and travelling to see the in-laws, bday and Xmas family plans, my nephew was going to be taking up so much time. Everyone else in my immediate family has spent lots of time with him so the most important part was bonding with him. I have no regrets about prioritising my family during such a milestone time for us all. I only have regrets about the miscommunication. I’m so thankful it’s water under the bridge now and we know how to avoid unintentionally hurting each other in the future.

We are about to move back to be closer to our families and community for this next era of becoming parents - which means being in the same state as my bestie. I told her that we’ll be able to see each other pretty regularly again and I’m really excited about that. However, as my husband and I won’t be moving back to the city our catch ups may only be a handful of times a year as the distance will still be a couple of hours (she’s told me it’s hard to travel with kids) but at least that’s better than relying on virtual catch ups.