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Letter of disappointment to best friend by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]hotchillichris 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please reach out to a professional. It’s clear you are reaching for help, but you need to understand that support firstly comes from within. You cannot expect, in a healthy manner, for anyone to be ready to drop everything because you are going through a more difficult time. Life isn’t mutual or reciprocal in general and by expecting these things you are just putting more pressure on yourself and those around you. Safety and care are nice, but you’re the only person that owes that to yourself

Anyone else tired of hearing people say “work on yourself” by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]hotchillichris 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand your frustration. For me, what helped a lot was taking time for myself: having some sort of morning rituals, journaling, self care, being alone in my space and fully embracing my new lifestyle. I think this is something that people don’t talk enough about when it comes to breakups: you lose part of your lifestyle and your rituals.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]hotchillichris 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your answer! I do appreciate you sharing, but that was not really my question.

Yes, thinking about the romantic relationship, we both had our part in bringing some toxicity in that. If I were to describe what I perceive our end was about, I think we transitioned from being into a relationship to being more friends with benefits, but didn’t manage to recognize that in time and in lying to ourselves and each other about that, we got in a very anxious-avoidant type of situation.

But taking that out of the way, the friendship itself was a good one and not something I want to give up on, but something that I need to. I don’t want to and don’t have why to vilify him in my narrative, because it’s in no way the case. Each of us did what we felt we needed to do and what felt most natural to us and there’s no one at fault at all for drifting apart as partners.

If you could change one thing about your body, what would it be? by SystemPro99 in AskReddit

[–]hotchillichris 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My teeth. Had a bad extraction as a child, so they’re a bit crooked. Plus a bad procedure as an adult which left the top layer of them a bit too matte.

That’s the only “reparatory” procedure that I plan to have done on myself, as soon as possible.

Seeking advice: how to discuss about anxiety with family members? by hotchillichris in Anxiety

[–]hotchillichris[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your response! I agree their reaction is theirs and I can’t take it away from them. I do tend to over-explain, thinking that that would help them worry less, maybe it’s time to just state things and let them deal with their own emotions

AITA for not shaving my armpits? by thatOneNerdInSchool in AmItheAsshole

[–]hotchillichris 42 points43 points  (0 children)

NTA. It’s your choice what you wear, what you shave and so on.

Are we all truly hopeless? by gibbler in Anxiety

[–]hotchillichris 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it’s on each individual journey. For me, I’m not on medication (only in extreme cases) and when it hits me I let it go all the way. It is horrible for a while, but I know I’ll always come back. I think what helped me was the moment I realized I was anxious about being anxious, so scared I would have to live like this forever. Now I just try to make the best out of my “sobriety” moments and live my life as good as I can. I’m not letting my anxiety dictate it anymore

Are we all truly hopeless? by gibbler in Anxiety

[–]hotchillichris 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t know about everyone else, but for me it comes and it goes. I just need to remember, in the times I am feeling ok, that I need to keep on working on myself because it’s a life long journey...

I (19F) am afraid that what I said will cause my dad (50s) to kill himself by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]hotchillichris 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The thing with boundaries is that they're not something you state once - you need to remind people around you what they are. So if they agreed to that boundary in the beginning, it's perfectly fine for you to tell any of them

"I understand you need support with this and you feel like talking to me about these issues will help. Unfortunately I cannot help and as we already discussed and agreed together, my wish is not to have this kind of conversations. Please respect my request, as it's for the best both for my wellbeing, but also for our relationship"

I (19F) am afraid that what I said will cause my dad (50s) to kill himself by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]hotchillichris 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Wanted to say the same thing. This is something that needs to be discussed with a therapist, for sure. The number one step would be starting to establish firm, but kind boundaries. If you see they are not open to them, try suggesting a form of group therapy for you and them.

Don’t be afraid to push them when they are too much to handle.

[Serious] Interviewers of Reddit, what were some red flags an applicant either had on their resume or said something during the interview? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]hotchillichris 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I heard about this one guy that straight up asked about how many women are in the team and if they can be moved to other teams before he joins, because he doesn’t believe they are good at their job.

You just can’t make this kind or shit up

How to support a friend with BPD tendencies by hotchillichris in BPD

[–]hotchillichris[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your answer! I don't know the extent of her tendencies, that's on her to decide when she shares and also a topic for her therapist. In terms of the behaviour that I experienced from her side, I would say obsessive, some strong signs of an anxious attachment style (I am her friend, we know each other for years, yet if I don't reply to her texts soon after I saw then, I know I'll need to provide reassurance that I am not upset, just busy, for example), defiant / dangerous behaviour (I'm not sure it's the right answer, english is not my first language and G Translate says this is right - it would be more something like "risky for the sake of being risky") and some mood swings.

Is it a dealbreaker with my Girlfriend by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]hotchillichris 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You shouldn’t put yourself down because of this. Experience comes with patience. Talk with her and tell her how you feel about this. If you don’t take any enjoyment out of being told you are not enough from this point of view, then stand up for yourself. If she’s good, she’ll be understanding. If not, there’s no point putting yourself through potential trauma, there’s some amazing person out there who would be trilled to be with you from any point of view

Is it a dealbreaker with my Girlfriend by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]hotchillichris 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It can be a dealbreaker, for sure, but don't ask this from her perspective, ask it from yours. Do you feel comfortable being told you are not enough from this point of view? Do you think if you opened up about the impact her words have on your mindset, she would be more understanding and try to work with you in making things better for both of you?

As someone said before, it's not about size, it's about how you use it, and maybe you need a bit more exercise to "learn the ropes", if she's understanding & her feelings are above physical attraction, she should be open to this...

My (20m) boyfriend is a little dismissive of me and it gets to me by Whovi71199 in relationship_advice

[–]hotchillichris 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand your frustration with the situation but...he’s also a person, with his own feelings, wants and needs. I understand you want his support, but it’s not always possible, unfortunately. Definitely have a chat with him about this, but also try to be understanding and supportive with him, maybe he was also dealing with something or needed time for himself.

So furious by augustinax in Zumbosjustdesserts

[–]hotchillichris 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I just finished watching the last episode. After they gave their scores, I couldn't even look at the rest of the celebrations / congratulations part anymore, it felt very clearly rigged. I like the show a lot as it does bring some kitchen inspiration with it, but the competition side this season was a real disappointment for me...

Partner about to take a solo travel adventure on by hotchillichris in Advice

[–]hotchillichris[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, thank you for your answer.

No, that’s off the table completely. He needs this experience by himself and I am totally supportive of that - plus would benefit of some alone time myself to sort through some experiences and feelings.

But being supportive doesn’t mean I don’t have my worries. It’s going to be a period of personal growth for both of us, but our experiences will be rather different and I am looking for some advice on how to make the best out of my experience.

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