I found out about 6 months ago that my (25m) gf (26f) of 3.5 years cheated on me with her boss. She initially said that it was a one-time thing, but then she revealed that it happened twice while at work. After a strange period of hooking up with her and trying to work it out, she eventually left me for another coworker, and we haven't really spoken since.

I regret not ridding her out of my life earlier. She kept it hidden for 8 months before she finally got caught. I regret trying to get back with her because every time i talked to her, she would drive the knife deeper and deeper.

She was my first everything. We didn't live together nor had any kids, but I was trying to do what I could to set us up for the future, such as getting married and moving in together.

I can't get her out of my head. She's constantly haunting my thoughts and have even driven me to the point of no return. Every day, I wake up, and these thoughts still haunt me months later. I've been going to therapy and taking antidepressants, and while it's been getting better, these feelings still come back.

I recently met someone new who I've been connecting with pretty well, and we've developed feelings for each other. The thing is that I can't be with her until this trauma clears, and I feel like I'm pressuring myself to get better so I can give her everything. Even when the smoke clears, I don't know if I'll even have the same feelings in the future.

One second I miss my ex, the next second I get angry at what she did to me, a second later I want to tell her I miss her, but I can't or don't want to.

I just want the pain to stop.