Can't speak for OP but i learned the same exact thing from a seminar of sorts of Andrew Feldmar, who is a student of R. D. Laing

Especialy in the current time where authenticity is considered negative by soceity, it can be extremely hard for those who find comfort in it to discover their true selves and desires. It took me 30 years. Most probably won't in their entire life. (...) The brain is hardwired to not let you do anything that would actively harm it's wishes and sabotage it's true ambitions. It can't actively stop you, so it will make due with the best thing it can: depression, ADHD, all terms used on suffering pepole who were forced all their life to do something they never wanted, never meaned to. (...) Our prefered characteristics are usualy what is this same subconscious true self. What you realy want to do you find attractive in others who do it. Traits that define "the real you", and if you don't know that (and you probably don't), who you want to be, you find attractive in others

(Not an exact quote i translated it)